Movement starts with decision.

Change starts with decision.

Creating something new starts with decision.

Decision is “Intention with legs.”  When you set an intention to make changes in your life, it won’t take long for the Universe to present you with opportunities and choices to make you very clear about your direction and your desires. (And your power!)

Some of these choices will be terrifying, exciting, and totally uncomfortable.  Some of them will merely be old patterns dug up from your past.   Some will require that you step up in a bigger way and take a huge risk.  Some will require that you let go and say, “Not so much.”

Let’s take Sylvia for instance.

Sylvia is one of my clients in my Platinum Coaching Circle.  She came to our first mastermind retreat in April, scared to stand up in front of the group. She was miserable in her job. She hated where she lived. She had settled for everything in her life from her relationship to her career.

During her time in front of the group, her path became obvious. And with the encouragement of the women there, Sylvia went back home knowing it was time to make some decisions.

Now, less than three months later, Sylvia is living in Colorado – where she has always dreamed of living. (But never admitted to anyone until this year.)  She attracted her ideal job. She is creating a new paradigm for herself and her life.

On our coaching call last week, she said (and I could tell she was smiling when she said it), “If you saw my new office compared to my old one, it’s so funny!  I look out of these big glass windows at snow-capped mountains. At my last job, I looked out at an ugly construction site. Everything is so different now, inside and out!”

Her shift has been fast. Lightning fast. It can take your breath away.

Are we allowed to move that quickly?  Absolutely!

In fact, successful people will tell you that they have learned to make decisions in the blink of an eye.

It’s tempting to think that “Yes” will bring velocity, motion, and change.  But “No” creates speed as well.

In fact, Sylvia’s first decision upon returning home was to say “No” to her dead-end job.  (She stopped waiting for them to make a decision to fire her.) She said “No” to the renewal on her condo lease.  She said “No” to some of her relationships.  Her yeses didn’t come until after she said a whole bunch of no’s.

What she stopped doing was saying “Maybe.”

People get stuck not because they don’t know what to do.  People get stuck because they stop making decisions.  They get stuck when they stop saying Yes or No.

They get stuck when they say “Maybe.”

“Maybe” is where we settle for things instead of choosing them.

“Maybe” is where we think we can stay safe.

“Maybe” makes people around us comfortable because we’re not threatening their status quo.

“Maybe” – whether it’s about choosing a business coach, a new job, or a pair of jeans – tells me that people are still a little afraid of their own power.  “Maybe” is a way of saying, “Yea, well, I’m not sure I want to live with the consequences of my choice.”

There are times when “Maybe” is appropriate, even necessary. But “Maybe” is often just fear of making a decision.

Most of us know our Yeses and No’s. We know almost instantly.  We know our passions.  We know what we want.  And we definitely know what we don’t want.

The stuff that comes after that instant knowing is just mental ruminating designed to keep us in one place.

My coach’s favorite mantra for making decisions in life is this:  “If it’s not a Hell Yes, it’s a Hell No.”

No one ever says “Hell Maybe!”

Last week, one of the women in my Uplevel Your Life Mastery Program (I’ll call her Rita) came to our group coaching call wanting guidance.  She has been making amazing changes in her life, her business, and as a mom.

But then, her parents came to visit. They found out Rita had gotten a kitten. They did not approve. Rita said that she would be receiving a long letter from them soon filled with judgments about her irresponsibility. As she waited for that letter, she was trying to figure out what she would write back.

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Sylvia, one of the women in my Platinum Coaching Group (my year long program), just bought her dream house. She avoided telling her father about it for fear that he would judge her, call her irresponsible and proceed to describe her imminent demise.  On our call, she told me that she finally told her dad, and that she was still waiting for his reaction, gearing up to explain her choice to him.

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Now, there are some people who might read these stories and think, “Are you freakin’ kidding me? Who cares what your parents think about houses or cats or anything??! It’s your life!”

If this is you, then read no further. This post is not for you.

I’m writing this for the “explainers” out there. You know who you are!

Emma is also in my Uplevel Your Life Mastery Program. The program begins with a contract to go complaint-free for an entire seven-weeks. Emma has been complaint-free for about three years, so she didn’t need to sign this contract. She told me that she wanted to use the contract to help her stop explaining herself to people. She went on to say that the energy of explaining herself was an old pattern, and she didn’t want to allow that to dictate her choices anymore.

I said, “So now that you’re already complaint-free, you wanna be EXPLAINT-free!”

She liked this.

So, to all the explainers out there, I’m proposing that starting right now, you go explaint-free.

And here are six irresistible reasons to do just that:

1 – Waiting steals your energy.

When I’m coaching an explainer, I realize that much of her energy goes to the non-activity of waiting.

She is waiting for judgment.

She is waiting for people to “get” her before she’ll take action.

She waits for people to let her know that her choice was okay.

She waits for criticism.

This literally drains her creative life force. Both women in the examples above were losing energy waiting for criticism.

After Sylvia realized that she was waiting for her dad’s judgment, she decided simply to stop waiting. In her words: “Once I stopped waiting for the difficult conversation – it vaporized. When I give up waiting, the difficult conversation doesn’t manifest, and I don’t get hooked into ‘please like me’ patterns.”

2 – When you’re an explainer, you never learn how to trust your own choices.

Explaining robs you of empowerment.

Our choices and decisions teach us valuable lessons about intuition and instinct. After all, rarely do our decisions come from our mental activity. Gut instinct is clearer than our critical minds.

When our choices are “up for grabs” by whomever, then these choices move into the territory of the mind. When we explain ourselves, we move away from the place of deep trust in our intuition and into the realm of mental activity – where the choice didn’t come from in the first place! We’ve suddenly stopped honoring and trusting ourselves and started creating a pattern of mental activity as we question our choices.

3 – Explaining blocks creativity.

Creativity means you’re the Creator of your life. You’re a Creator. Not a Reactor. When you explain yourself, you become a “Reactor.” You can’t live in both realms at once. They contradict each other. Living in a state of reaction means that you cease doing the wild creative things that bring you joy and abundance.

4 – When you explain yourself, you miss the opportunity for disapproval.

Huh?

Yes, I’m serious about this!

Becoming an adult in the deepest sense of the word is about learning to take responsibility for your actions and choices. Sometimes that means other people won’t like these actions and choices. And what a great opportunity they provide when they do that!

I once heard a relationship coach say that love can sometimes mean letting your partner be disappointed in your choices. Think about that. Can you stand in your body and love someone enough to let them not be happy with a choice you’re making? When you can do that, you really wake up!

5 – When you explain yourself, you endorse irresponsibility.

People who take personal responsibility for their lives do not blame others (or themselves) for their unhappiness, for their life situations, or for their financial state, etc. Instead, they recognize that they created it, and they can un-create or re-create anything. It’s an empowering place to live.

Many people do not live in this level of personal responsibility. They are too busy blaming other people, taking other people’s inventory, and looking outside themselves for their happiness. Byron Katie calls this minding other people’s business instead of your own.

Your choice to explain yourself teaches other people that it’s okay not to take responsibility, and that it’s okay to mind your business instead of their own. Your explaints actually perpetuate the age-old pattern of irresponsibility!

6 – It’s hard to Live Big when you’re waiting for permission.

The women at the June Unstoppable Power of Intention Retreat had a common theme: Living big and shining bright. One of the shared desires among them was to stop giving so much attention to other people’s opinions of their choices.

Explainers are often waiting for permission, approval, or for people to “get” their choices.

I’m convinced that most of the unhappiness and depression in the world come from a lifetime of waiting for these often unattainable things. Living big means making decisions from your soul.  And your soul doesn’t feel the need to explain anything!

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So, are you ready to go explaint-free?

Today’s guest post was written by Sue Ludwig, a neonatal occupational therapist and a published poet. Sue is a consultant to neonatal intensive care units around the country and a national speaker. She lives in Ohio with her husband and two children.

“There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it.”
-Edith Wharton

We all need an encourager.

Someone who is truly happy for our successes. Someone who reminds us how strong and powerful we are when we feel momentarily defeated.

Encouragers don’t promise rainbows and sunshine. They promise presence, wisdom and great energy.

They choose to be the mirror that reflects our light.

Using that clear, nonjudgmental, revealing mirror, they reintroduce us to ourselves.

Our encouragers never see us as less than we are. When we’re writhing around in self-pity, they stand a few feet away waiting until we’re over our fit. We look up and there they are again holding the mirror.

We see we’re simply so much more than that moment.

We get up, brush ourselves off, and thank them.

Christine is an amazing encourager. In part because she set the intention to be such a person. And in part because it brings her such joy to reflect another’s light and watch it multiply.

The best way to show gratitude for your encouragers is to be one yourself.

I originally wrote this poem for someone who needed such encouragement. She had spiraled to a place where she could no longer see her true powerful self. The poem made her cry not because she couldn’t believe she was wonderful, but because deep down she knew it to be true.

Please send it on to anyone who needs your encouragement. Reflect their light and watch it spread.

Awakening

You will begin to feel your weariness abate.

of you.

My recent article about mastermind circles generated lots of response.  I got emails, Facebook comments, and some direct Twitter messages, asking me how to create a Mastermind.

I Googled around but found very little useful advice on the internet. Most of it was nice in theory – but not at all true to what my real-life experiences have taught me.

So, in honor of my trip to Texas today to meet with my mastermind – here are a few tips based on my experiences, both as a creator of – and participant in – mastermind groups.

Create a Mastermind Tip #1:

Let Desire Trump Ego.

If you want to create a successful mastermind group, the first thing you have to do is let go of the fear of looking like an idiot to people who don’t know you.

I’ve created two mastermind groups from scratch in my life and both times I had to suck it up, and put the word out there. I had to be the one to make it happen.

Most people aren’t willing to step out and tell the world they want to create a success circle. Because, after all, if you’re so great, why aren’t people just showing up and forming a circle around you?

The first group I created was a Life Makeover Group – at the encouragement of Cheryl Richardson.  At the time, I was already successful as a performer and musician. Only problem? I was tired of the isolation.  People can clap at you all day long – but you still need people to listen to your ideas, to support you in your growth, and to pick you up when you get a bad review.

So, I swallowed my rock-star pride and posted signs all over my town.  On the sign, I wrote down EXACTLY what I wanted. I wrote down the kind of people, what we would focus on, and of course, my phone number.  I thought they’d come beating down my door because I loved this idea so much. But, after several weeks, only two women joined me.

It was perfect.

We made it last a longer time than most impromptu groups like this. They were both proud of me for getting over myself and making the group happen! (Me too!)

Create a Mastermind Tip #2:

Get Seriously Clear.

Before you create the mastermind, get clear about what you’d like it to be. You’ll want to do this at the first meeting, of course. But it helps if you see yourself as the creator.  As such, you have to get some of the details in order.

Here are some things you’ll want to get clear about:

- How often will you meet and for how long?   (My recommendation is once  a month, or every other week. And I’d keep it to two hours tops.)

-  How many people will be in the circle? (My recommendation is no less than 3. No more than six.)

-  Do you want a core focus for the group?  (Creating a new business, work/life balance, creating wealth – you can choose!)

-  Other things to consider: How long will each person have to speak and share? Will there be a whining limit? (Yes, you can set a timer – and let the speaker have at it!) Will there be food? Who will bring the food?  Will you meet at houses of the members? Or at a café?

Create a Mastermind Tip #3:

Give it a Name.

Clarity wins.  Not just some of the time. ALL of the time.

Consider if someone approaches you and says, “Hey, I’m thinking of putting together some people to get together and talk about, you know, being more successful. I got the idea from this chick whose blog I read.”

Then, think about this:  “Hey!  I’ve begun an exclusive success circle called “The Big and Bold Creative Success Mastermind.” I’m in the process of choosing members who are go-getters and really want to commit to making big shifts in their lives and living more positively. Wanna come to the first meeting?”

You will also be able to pre-qualify people with your clarity.  If your clarity and your purpose threatens people (believe me, it will), then they will run far away from you. Let them go (and revisit #1). You’ll find the perfect people in time. Just stick with your clarity.

Create a Mastermind Tip #4:

Schedule meetings in advance.

At the first meeting, schedule at LEAST three months of meetings in advance.  A few weeks before the last of these meetings, schedule a “Review Meeting” – and during that meeting, schedule out the next three months, as well as check in about changes to format, etc.

When you schedule your meetings in advance, you are not counting on “inspiration” and whim.  Face it. You sometimes won’t “feel” like going to your group meetings – but those are often the BEST times to go. And when they’re in your calendar, then you’re more likely to show up.

Create a Mastermind Tip #5:

Allow for Fun, too.

Mix it up a bit. Every now and then, have a dinner meeting and do some fun sharing activities.  I discovered Vision Boards because one of the two women in my mastermind had us both over to her house to do one. She had just learned about them and gotten great results.  We played music, chatted, and just enjoyed each other’s company. It’s easy to get all strung out by your goal-oriented thinking. But you need to connect and enjoy the people in your group on occasion, too.

Create a Mastermind Tip #6:

Don’t fear variety.

There’s a temptation to seek out people exactly like you. For instance, artists often think that they have to be in masterminds with other artists.

Here’s the problem:  Other artists may not be able to see beyond your issues into the solutions because they are living the exact same paradigm and have similar challenges. So, you might just end up sitting around complaining to each other. (I’ve heard from several artists that they’ve dropped out of masterminds for this very reason.)

When you’re in a group with different types of people in different professions, you get different success stories and different perspectives. Don’t get caught up in the ego-trap of thinking that everyone has to think just like you do.  Too many people go nowhere because they stay stuck in their judgment of everyone else’s choices in life.

Create a Mastermind Tip #7:

Shut Up and Lead.

When I write about my Conscious Creative Platinum Coaching and Mastermind Circle (or, “Platinum Group”), I’m referring to a coaching program I created. It’s a year-long investment, and each participant is paying for one-on-one coaching and in-person masterminding three times during the year.  I participate in a similar mastermind with MY coach, Sheri McConnell.

These models are so effective because each person has invested, not only her energy, but her money.   Let’s face it.  Monetary investment is quite an ass-kicking motivation.  You’re less likely to blow off appointments and meetings if you’ve got some serious cash in the pot.

That being said, my experience with many free masterminds is that most people don’t sustain their motivation for very long. They give up easily.  They let life and all of its to-do’s get in the way.  And pretty soon, your mastermind crumbles.

If you want to start a mastermind, then you need to be brave, and step into the leadership role.  Check in, call people to remind them of meetings, set up a Facebook group, etc. You have to be very willing to be a motivator, an inspirer, a leader.

And this takes us back to Create a Mastermind Tip #1.  You might have to try a few times to get the right members and the right kind of people for mastermind success. So, if you can do that and not take it personally and get a solid group together, then you will NOT be sorry. The rewards are huge.

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Leave a comment below if you’d like to let this community know about a mastermind group you’d like to start!! (Or leave a comment below if you plain old just feel like leaving a comment!)

“Have nothing in your house that you do not know to be useful, or believe to be beautiful.”  – William Morris

If I had to pick ONE thing – one massively BURDENSOME thing – that weighs on the hearts of women who get serious about letting go of clutter, it’d be pretty easy.

Not the divorce papers, or the old letters from college boyfriends who dumped them.

Not the clothing they spent too much on, or are waiting to fit into again some day.

Not even the piles of food magazines with recipes they’ll cut out in some unplanned frenzy of cooking inspiration!

It’s the old china.

Somewhere in the family tree, someone called it “the good china.”  Now, it sits in sideboards, fills up shelving, blocking access to the pottery flower vase behind it.

“I can’t stand the stuff.  It’s totally not who I am. But there it sits.”  Shari was sitting in the circle at my Unstoppable Power of Intention Retreat. It suddenly dawned on her that much of the clutter in her life – including her grandmother’s old china – had one common element that kept it in place.

In fact, what she discovered is THE most common (and most sticky) reason we hold onto stuff we don’t want.

Guilt.  Thick as the dust that gathers on it.

It had never dawned on Shari that she could simply let the guilt – and the china – go. No one had every given her permission.  Now, it was just way too daunting to consider.

Here’s what I told her:

Things have energy. If you’re wondering why you can’t let go of friends who are critical of you, or if you’re wondering why you never ask for a raise or make more money, or if you feel stuck in a rut, then take a very simple step towards change:

Look around you.

Observe the space where you live and work.

How many of the items in your environment are there because you love them and want them?  And how much is there because you’ll feel guilty if you follow your true delight and desire and just let it go?

Your environment often perfectly mirrors many of the other situations in your life. And it’s an easier place to start!  When you begin letting go of things like the old china you don’t use, then you get to experience what it feels like to honor yourself.

So, experience the space that is created when you listen to your heart and not your guilt.  Ask yourself if you’re ever going to use that china. If the answer is no, then isn’t it time to let it – and the guilt – go?