Doubt is sneaky.
It creeps in on little cat feet and says things that make us believe we’re being rational.
Sometimes it sneaks in some self-deprecating humor to put things in perspective. Sometimes it simply points out that one ought to be “realistic.”
Recently, I heard doubt casually meander in at the end of someone’s moment of bold intention.
Victoria was sharing her plans for 2010, talking about her Word-of-the-Year, and what it meant to her. She told me about the results she would create and the unknowns she would be contending with.
When she was finished, I said, “Wow. I love that!”
And that’s when it happened. Doubt entered. Victoria said:
“Yea. We’ll see.”
It was like a pretty bright red balloon had been floating all around the conversation. But in that moment, she pulled out a pin, popped it, and we watched it fall limply to the ground.
Everything begins with our language. Everything begins with our thoughts. No matter how many people, students, clients, fans, and friends want to fight me on this point – I will say it over and over again:
Your language is the starting point of any transformation in your life. It is the simplest and most basic place to start!
So, here’s 5 things to remember about “We’ll see.”
1 – “We’ll see” is just crappy parenting.
“We’ll see” is what parents say to their kids when they’re not planning on ever seeing. (Or ever deciding.) In other words, they simply hope the issue goes away. (Kids totally know it, too – and they grow up to use the exact same phrase when they’re not planning on ever seeing either.)
2 – “We’ll see” is victim speak.
It says, “Yea. I’ll just sit back and see if this is gonna unfold or not. I don’t plan on engaging or taking action.”
3 – “We’ll see” is protective armor.
It is the ultimate insurance against “I told you so.” It builds a nice little wall around our moment of courage, so that no one can ever say “I told you so” to us. If they do, then we get to say, “Hey man, I made this wall of doubt here – so you can’t say that. I already beat you to it.”
4 – “We’ll see” keeps the collective in tact.
Notice you don’t say, “I’ll see.”
You say, “We’ll see.”
It’s like you’re saying, “I’m going to succeed. This path gets better and better, and I’m getting happier and happier. Hmmm. So let me join you on the sidelines and let’s analyze how I’m doing.”
No one will ever have to envy us, judge us, criticize us or doubt us – as long as we step back into the crowd to “see” how we’re doing.
5 – “We’ll see” is just energy disguised as fear.
In fact, if we could translate the energy that was trying to be born at the moment “We’ll see” was being uttered – it would probably go something like this:
“Holy Moly, I am moving faster and farther than I ever thought I could. I’m a little scared, yes. But dang, I gotta tell ya, this discomfort, this wild ride, is unbelievably exciting and SO much better than the boringness of security and the illusion of safety! So, what I really want to say here is this:
Join me! And lemme show you how it’s done!”
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{ 24 comments… read them below or add one }
Christine,
Right one. Instead of ‘we’ll see’ we should say: ’see me do it!’ I catch myself before saying ‘we’ll see’ to my kids. I prefer to tell them the truth and the reason why. And I prefer to tell myself the truth and the reason why too. When I have the tendency to say ‘we’ll see’, I try to get even bolder and come up with one more step to accomplish. And I tell people – accountability. Yeah it’s scary. But it’s like I told my son who said he had been afraid after his first roller coaster ride: ‘yeah it was scary, but there is bad scary and good scary – good scary is when you are afraid but you know it’s gonna be great fun too, that you will probably shit your pants, but when it’s done you’re on a high, you’re flying, soaring and want to go again’.
He’s 3 and a half, and if he can understand that message, so should we.
SEE ME DO IT!
You did it again!!! You really nailed it !!!! So true. I will watch my mouth now when I end a talk about my work and plans.
Thank you Christine, A very timely post!
My husband has a job interview tomorrow that will put him into a totally new career path. I will make sure he reads this before he goes. It will hopefully have him thinking about “when” he gets the job instead of “if” he gets it!
Ouch! Thanks for a much-needed kick in the pants! Have a great week!
Thank you, Christine, for always telling me what I need to hear. Even when I don’t want to hear it!
I understand the gist of this idea….how “we’ll see” can put off what you want.
I guess find a version of this useful….when setting a intention and getting all the ducks in order. (A simple example….let’s put on a play! But you have to assemble the cast and rehearse and find a venue, etc).
I was asked in January ‘09 to teach a course in Tropical Biology that involved taking students for two weeks to Costa Rica national parks (in Jan ‘10). My condition (or intention) for teaching it was that I had other scientists with me to help out. That was my “We’ll see”…and I asked for it and it manifested. Three wonderful people appeared and I invited them to help me (and got money to support them) over the course of 12 months. We just returned from a great expedition with the students.
I guess perhaps I am thinking about “we’ll see” differently since I set the intention and asked the universe for this outcome and applied myself to it and the “we’ll see” was my surrender to the outcome. I would not do the course without this help but I did not want to stress on forcing the outcome.
Guilty. Duly noted….
And now, a defense of “We’ll see.”
Granted, confidence and clarity are necessary for success. But a measurable percentage don’t succeed, in spite of as much confidence and clarity as any human is capable of mustering. We are not masters of our fate. Stuff happens. The future is a secret that we get revealed to us at the same pace as everyone else. It’s not a sure thing until it happens. That’s reality. And “we’ll see” is a simple recognition of this. That recognition causes us to be prepared mentally for any eventuality, and I don’t see how that could be a bad thing. It’s probably a trait that helped keep this successful species on the planet. That some people misuse it as a dismissal shouldn’t cause us to dismiss every use of it, in every context, especially those who seek the whole truth.
I have started a tiny mastermind and was meeting with the women last night. After stating an intention for a project I’m working on, I made a similar remark to “we’ll see”.
No one in the room caught it – but I woke up this morning to this post. You knew. You really are just THAT good!
Thanks for the reminder.
Onward and Upward!
I’m delighted to find your blog, Christine! You’ve lifted up such a powerful, concrete example of how we undermine ourselves and how to turn that around. I might add that “We’ll see” means I don’t know whether I can have faith that this world is a good place to live out my dreams. Yet there is every reason to have that faith.
How do you do that? Reach right out with what I need to hear that day?! Thanks again for the reminder to keep the lofty intention balloon flying and keep the pins away.
Thanks for the reminder! I’ll do my best to be aware of my multitude of self-deprecating remarks- and worse, inner thoughts. Have been working on it, but it’s nice to have a bold reminder to be aware and NOT to do it.
Best,
Lily
Wow-so precise and dead-on and I am completely guilty of this thought process. Of clarifying to others-no more! Great blog thank you!
crap. i am so guilty of this…so guilty. and i say it not only to myself, but to others as well. i am a dasher of dreams! i need to be more conscious of this pfrase. it has a lot more power than i realized.
Timely and a necessary reminder! Thanks Christine.
Ooopppsss…like Anna, guilty! In fact, I’m wondering if I am Victoria?;)
Thank you, Christine. Amazing how well you know me. P
Oh dear…. I find myself saying those silly words a lot…. and you are so, so right! Thank you for bringing my awareness to this!
Much love!
If everything starts with our language, then perhaps we ought to dump the word “guilty” when responding to this post and say “I have made a mistake and I will do better”.
Wow! Not 90 seconds before reading this post, I was talking to myself about how to make a decision and had told myself ‘we’ll see….’ This was the perfect message at the perfect time, thank you!
Wow, never realized that was what I had been doing! No more not deciding….instead a more resounding “YES”
Thank you for the pick me up! I’ve already had 1 do-over this year, guess it was time for a second 
I loved this! After reading this post, I was amazed at how many times I caught myself saying/thinking “We’ll see…” today. I have a job possibility that was presented to me this afternoon. I was telling someone about it and found myself almost ending with “we’ll see..”. I quickly changed it to “I’m EXCITED!” Thanks for the positive reminder.
“We’ll see” is hedging our bets, in case it doesn’t happen–then we don’t have to feel dumb about wanting something. Thanks for making me realize how often I fall back on “we’ll see.”
Wow, that’s good stuff. I’ve never looked at it that way. Mostly because I’m a cynical pessimistic bastard. I’m working on it, though.