If you’ve been reading my blog over the last two years, then you’ve probably read about my practice of choosing a “Word of the Year” at the start of every New Year.  (I ditched the idea of Resolutions long ago.)

[To read about it, click here.]

I get emails regularly from people who have adopted this practice. They write to report successes and Ah-Ha’s – taught to them by their word.

So, starting tomorrow, I will be featuring a month of Guest Bloggers who will share their own experiences of choosing a Word-of-the-Year -– and how their choices and actions were affected by this one simple act of Deliberate Intention.

December is a great time to turn inward. Even with holiday activities, you can take time to bundle up and go for a walk.  Or stay at home one weekend night. Use this time to set your intentions for 2009.  Think about a word that could guide you as you move forward.  And let this month’s blogs inspire you!

Here is a list of words just to start your wheels turning:

Compassion
Delight
Generosity
Effortlessness
Wealth
Gratitude
Abundance
Creativity
Willingness
Change
Growth
Freedom
Mastery
Kindness
Health
Presence
Acceptance
Courage
Confidence
Self-Love
Action
Forgiveness
Systems
Forgive
Plan
Release
Trust
Knowing
Patience
Friendship
Fun
Grace
Laughter
Love
Expansion
Exploration
Adventure
Openness
Discipline
Awe
Awareness
Risk
Gentleness
Choice
Spirit
Prayerfulness
Power
Allow
Artfulness
Attention
Beauty
Joy
Focus
Ritual
Heal
Order
Clarity
Pioneer
Peace
Laziness
No
Yes
Deliberate
Commitment
Savor
Integrity
Listen

Well, well.

Now, this is fun.

Doug over at AVeryFineLine introduced me to an uber-hip new web tool.

It’s a Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI)…

for BLOGS!

And, according to many bloggers, it’s pretty accurate.

I typed in Lisa Call’s blog, for example — and the result seemed right on. (Let me know, Lisa!)   Same with Steve Pavlina.

However, I typed in BeMyRecordLabel (my other blog) - and it didn’t type me correctly. It ranked me as an ESFP - which is close - but I’m a VERY strong “N.”  I’ll forgive the mistake.

Now, before you rush over there and type in your blog’s address, you should know a few things:

1 - If you are like me and have a website like www.christinekane.com - but your blog is www.christinekane.com/blog, then it won’t work.  Your blog has to be the main web address.

2 - If you don’t know the MBTI personality type system, it might not be as fun.

3 - As far as I know, there is no tool like this created for the ennegram!

Here ya go! Have at it!  Come back and let us all know your blog type and whether or not it’s accurate…

Get your blog’s Myers-Briggs type at Typealyzer.

It was the last day of the Great Big Dreams retreat.  We were sitting in a circle.  I was talking about decisions and commitment.

We had spent many hours over our three days together getting clear about intention.  I said that in my experience, intention begins the movement and the shift. But at some point you have to ground your intention with decisions and commitment and action.

Jeannie, a vibrant woman with wild curly hair and a constant smile, looked up and said, “But wait…”

She began listing all the reasons why it was so hard for her to make decisions or to commit.  Suddenly, she sighed. She concluded by saying, “Oh, forget it. It’s hard when you’re a people-pleaser.”

There were “amen’s” all around. Many of the women nodded their agreement.  They knew the pain of being a people-pleaser.

I interrupted the moment of martyrdom.

I asked Jeannie: “Are we really people-pleasers? Or just approval whores?”

It was one of those moments where I briefly wanted to take back what I had blurted out.  Jeannie could be livid with me. Or she could have a great big “Ah-Ha!” moment.  (My own approval whore doesn’t like these blurts one bit. “Be nice!” she says. “Just agree with them and shut up!”)

Jeannie’s giant burst of laughter told me it was the latter.  “Oh my God!” she shrieked. “That’s so true!”

Often, we think that we’re being nice girls and oh-so loving when we’re constantly making sure everyone else is okay.

But what we’re really doing is selling our hearts to get approval from anyone who will give it to us.  We’re ensuring that we will never have to face the discomfort of having desires or dreams (or preferences!) and acting on them. We want to make sure everyone will like us first.  Then we will be okay, albeit deeply unhappy.

Martha Beck aptly names it “being an approval whore.”

All weekend long, people said things like, “Well, you can’t just stop being her friend!”

“You can’t just not move your father-in-laws’ furniture!”

“You can’t just uninvite your family over for Thanksgiving!”

Well.

Actually.

You can.

You just can’t always do this AND have everyone like you at the same time.

And this is the catch for an approval whore.  It makes her panic. Who am I without their love and approval?

It’s a question SO worth asking.  And SO worth finding out the answer to.

In Martha Beck’s words:

Anything we do solely to please others, in the absence of either real desire or moral necessity is a way of selling ourselves, our lives, our energy. Ask yourself whether the dose of approval you expect to gain from this behavior is worth losing a piece of the real you. I’d be the last one to judge you if the answer is yes. All I ask is that you be aware that this is prostitution, not virtue.

Rebecca is a massage therapist.

One day she called me for some advice.  She had been “put on the spot,” and now she was fuming angry.

A new massage client (a friend of a friend) had called her while on the way to his massage with her.  He told her that since his new CD had just been released, he had decided to “do a trade” with her and pay for part of his massage with his new CD.

Surprised (and not wanting to seem ungracious), Rebecca said, “Okay.”

The only problem was this: She didn’t want the CD.

Now, by the time she called me, the transaction had already occurred, and at first I was just helping with Anger Management.

But then I told her that the gift of this situation is that it teaches us how to say no.  And the easiest “no” is a Preemptive No.

What’s a Preemptive No?

Well, in this case, Rebecca recognized that she had to begin creating an “Operations Manual.”  In it, she would write down some simple policies like, “I don’t do trades for my massages.”

That way, when she gets any other phone call from a musician with a new CD (or a similar situation), Rebecca can find the language to say, “You know, I’m flattered that you want to offer me your new CD, but my policy is that I don’t trade for massages.  I hope we can still work together.”  The script is already there, and she doesn’t have to flounder while trying to “think up” an excuse so that she seems nice.

I’ve had to initiate similar Preemptive No’s in my own Operations Manual.

For instance, as I became more successful in my music, I began getting about five offers a month to do benefit concerts for non-profits all over the country.  I often said yes out of guilt. But the problem was that most of the concerts were badly organized, and I didn’t like doing them at all.

Finally, I created a Preemptive No.  I limited the number of benefit concerts I performed to TWO a year. And I only worked with special interest groups that were aligned with my passions.  (The environment, animals, etc.) That way, my office had the language to politely say “no” without feeling “put on the spot.”

The Personal Preemptive No

You can also create Preemptive No’s for your personal life.  You can set “policies” about your time or your entertainment choices or what kind of parties you want to attend or not.

My husband and I created an unwritten policy that we don’t go out on Sunday nights.  We both realized that we love to spend Sunday night at home preparing for the coming week and going to bed early.

Now, this doesn’t mean we don’t occasionally go out on Sunday nights. But we always measure our response with our policy first. It gives us time to think clearly about our priorities, rather than just ending up going somewhere we don’t really want to be.

Take some time to consider creating some Preemptive No’s that honor your priorities.  What would they be?

One final note: The holidays seem to be a time of expectation and guilt for many people.  Can you create at least ONE Preemptive No before this holiday season?  What would it be?

Step 1 - Read these instructions. (See?  Simple! Just like the title says!)

Step 2 - Think about what you want.

Think of the resolution to a challenge you’re facing. Or some kind of expansion you’re intending in your life. Or some area of your life that could use a little energy, light, abundance, peace, or healing.

Step 3 - Write your intention as powerfully as you can.

Examples:

“I intend success and prosperity as I begin a new exciting path in my life.” = more powerful.

“I am jobless and feeling insane for quitting to start a business. Please help me not be a loser.” = less powerful.

For some, it might feel terrifying to write a powerful intention, especially if you’re scared or hurting. That’s okay.

But just try to remember this: the more of your own affirming mindset that you can conjure up, the better it is for you. If you can’t conjure that up - then read on. Cuz we’ll do it for you!

Step 4 - Comment below.

State your intention or request in the comment box below.

(Note: I can no longer take these by email. The last two times I had hundreds of emails — which makes it hard to print out and take them with me!)

Step 5 - Let go.

Waste no time wondering if you did it right. Or if this stuff even works.  Or if you look stupid.  Or if you asked for the perfect thing when you need so many things.  Or if your boss will know that’s you in the comments asking for a different job.  Or if you should have figured all this stuff out by now.

Let go means let go. Take a breath and let go.

Step 6 - Be grateful.

At some point today, write down or say out loud ten things for which you are grateful in your life. Be grateful that you are learning the lesson that this challenge is offering. Be grateful that you have friends, a roof over your head, a job. Just be grateful for as much as you can.  Gratitude is the ultimate bringer of more. It is the ultimate releaser of drama.

————

“You’re right. That was easy. But I don’t get it.”

Well, this coming weekend is the fourth of five sold-out 2008 Great Big Dreams Retreats.

At every retreat, I open the weekend with silence and intent.  At that time I take the names of everyone who has commented to this post - along with all of their intentions and requests - and I include them in our circle and in our own prayers and affirmations.

I call it our “Great Big Prayer List.”

It’s a powerful part of the retreats.  In fact I’ve received many emails saying that lots of things changed in their lives after they did this - and that they could actually feel themselves as part of the circle.

Maybe it’s just hooey.

Maybe it’s totally real.

Who cares?

If nothing else, you’ll just get some good mojo going on!

You’ve got nothing to lose. Let us help you get what you want!

—————–

***Extra Credit*** Step 7 - Join us.

On Friday afternoon at 2pm EST, join us. Light a candle. Say, “I’m in.” Nod to the clouds.  In what ever way works for you, join our circle with your intent. We welcome you!