2009 Word-of-the-Year: ABUNDANCE

Note: December is Word-of-the-Year Month at Christine’s Blog. As we roll into another New Year, each day will feature a new guest author who chose one word as a way of setting intention for her whole year. Today’s guest is Nicole DeMatteis. More about Nicole below.

On January 1st, I felt anything but hopeful or excited.

My mother had been hospitalized since October. I knew she was dying, but I was in denial. The job that I loved was dying too, a casualty of the recession. Every bit of security that I had was slowly dying all at the same time.

Instead of choosing a word for 2009, I let a word choose me, believing that the Universe would tell me what I needed to know. So, on January 1st, I wrote word after word small bits of paper, placed them into a basket and asked the Universe to send me a good one. As I reached into the box, one bit of paper fell to the floor, and I knew that was the one.

Abundance.

I thought it was a cosmic joke. I looked up the formal definitions and settled on the one that seemed the most simple: “overflowing fullness.” I thought that I could manage to find “overflowing fullness” in my life somewhere, even if I had to force myself.

January crawled along.  I spent my days winding down the office, and from the office I’d go to the hospital. I’d go home, get in bed, and lie awake, counting down how many days my mother had been hospitalized, how many paychecks I had left, how much my bills came to every month. I prayed. I journaled until my hand was numb. I forced myself to write about the small things I noticed during the day that made me smile. I wrote about how the daily text messages from friends enabled me to get out of bed and function.  I wrote, and I cried and I thanked God for all of it, often through gritted teeth.

My mother died on February 3rd, the same day I had a final interview for a new job.  I got the job and I was able to transition into it before my office closed. I would be able to grieve my mother without having to worry about my bank balance. The void left by my mother’s death was filled with family members and visits to my hometown. I reconnected with people I hadn’t seen in years.  I thought that during the second half of 2009 I could settle into a more comfortable life, financially and emotionally.  That would have been too easy, of course.

I apparently still had lessons to learn about abundance.

My new job was a mistake, to the point where I was physically ill every morning from stress.  In June, I walked out. I know, I know, who walks out of a job during a recession?  But, I did it.  And I didn’t look back.  Because I quit, I was ineligible for unemployment benefits. I had enough money saved to pay my bills for 2 months.  I didn’t cry.  I slept well for the first time in months.

I prayed, and I journaled about all of the abundance in my life. Only this time, my teeth weren’t gritted. I felt peaceful. I had a family that supported my decisions.  I had the belief that God and the Universe would provide.  And soon, they did.  Freelance photography work showed up. I turned my passion for Tarot and teaching into a way to bring in income.

One night, I found an ad on Craigslist for makeup artists for a large promotional event.  I figured that I had nothing to lose but time by going, so I went.  I walked in and it was an interview for freelance makeup artists for a very large, well-known cosmetics company, and I got hired. There were weeks when things seemed bleak and money dwindled, but I went back to my journal and I wrote about all of the abundance in my life. Like magic, more appeared.

In August, I moved back to my hometown. I came without a job but being with my family outweighed the seeming insanity of the decision. But again, opportunities have come. My stress about money hasn’t disappeared,  and some days I look at my bank balance and cringe, but when I sit around the dinner table with my family, laughing like crazy, in those moments, it’s OK.

My heart is full and overflowing.

——————-

Nicole DeMatteis is a photographer, makeup artist and  teacher at 12Academy.com on subjects such as Tarot, journaling and the Law of Attraction.  Nicole can be found at her blog, Sacred Candy.

Tagged as: Intention, new years resolutions, word-of-the-year

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