2009 Word-of-the-Year: CHANGE

Note: December is Word-of-the-Year Month at Christine’s Blog. As we roll into another New Year, each day will feature a new guest author who chose one word as a way of setting intention for her whole year. Today’s guest is Maggie Maurer. More about Maggie below.

I didn’t really choose my 2009 word of the year; it chose me.

For as long as I can remember, I have been a resolution maker and a resolution failure.  And this year, I had no idea where to start with a list of resolutions. So I didn’t start at all.

Without my handy lists of Do’s and Don’ts for the year, I felt a little rudderless, but I put on my big girl panties and went confidently into the new year. January, February and March flew past and still no list in hand. I kept telling myself I needed to set goals for the year but put it off for a variety of reason. And then I found a new and inspiring blog to read regularly that changed my whole notion of how to begin a New Year.

I had never heard of the “Word of the Year” idea before I began to read Christine’s blog on the recommendation of another blogger. Her idea appealed to me and seemed much more doable than a long list of resolutions, but I really didn’t have the emotional, mental or physical energy to think about it beyond reading the current blog post about it. The notion was quickly set aside by a busy schedule and the biggest whammy of my life.

You see, I was unhappy – miserable really – in early 2009.  The realization hit me like a ton of bricks out of the blue.  I fought the notion. How could I be unhappy? Anyone looking from the outside in on my life would wonder what in the world I had to be unhappy about.  So I felt even more depressed, guilty, ashamed.

I struggled and wrestled with the feeling — the notion that my soul yearned for something different, for growth, for authenticity.  I felt as if I was being attacked by some outside force.  It was unrecognizable, this force, this attacker.  After running from it for a while, dodging it this way and that, scrutinizing it while hiding behind my journal entries, I turned my face towards the assault and looked it square in the face.  Slowly, slowly my inner consciousness began to reveal the attacker to me, and it wasn’t an attacker at all but a herald with an urgent message.  The message read, “Change.” By midyear, I realized my word of the year had been “Change” all along. I embraced it for 2009, although somewhat late.

So what did I learn from my word as it pursued me all year?

I learned that I had grown and changed over the past 20 odd years without realizing it, and my life needed to change to reflect this growth.

I learned that I had been living inauthentically for a long time, and I had a lot of garbage to throw out.

I learned that many people around me were stunted in their growth requiring a re-evaluation of my circle of interaction on all levels.

I learned that, at 45, I had a whole life ahead of me in which to live out the changes to come.

I learned that changes can come in big packages, like the dissolution of a long term relationship or in small, like getting your first tattoo.

I learned that embracing change takes courage, self examination, and yielding.

Most importantly, I learned that change is coming to my life, one way or another.

This year, I’m not letting my word of the year blindside me again.  I’m ready for you, 2010!

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Maggie Maurer is an artist, writer and mother of 4 amazing children and one Aussie. She lives in a bedroom community of historic Charleston, SC. Most days, she can be found making art, writing or horseback riding….or, if she’s lucky, all three.

Tagged as: christine kane, maggie maurer, new years resolutions, word-of-the-year

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