Note: December is Word-of-the-Year Month at Christine’s Blog. As we roll into another New Year, each day will feature a new guest author who chose one word as a way of setting intention for her whole year. Today’s guest is Karen Wallace. More about Karen below.
“When patterns are broken, new worlds emerge.“
~Tuli Kupferberg
November 2008: I’d just left a corporate management position after 20 years with the same company. It had been a long time coming and I was reeling from the disconnection and didn’t quite know who I was anymore.
I’d hidden behind my corporate persona and my role as ‘Mum’ for so long, I wasn’t sure exactly who I was apart from mother, manager and wife.
I was haunted by the image of a butterfly emerging from her cocoon, all brilliant jeweled colour.
I longed to fly. But a chrysalis cannot fly.
I longed to make a difference in this world. But to make that difference I’d need to come out of the cocoon and spread my wings.
It was time to choose my theme for the forthcoming year as I always do. But in a departure from ‘normal’, and thanks to Christine’s prompting, it was one word rather than a sentence.
I toyed with “Metamorphosis” – but that wasn’t right. Quite beside the fact that I cannot pronounce it, metamorphosis to me represents change. Turning from one thing to another. And that wasn’t it. I didn’t need to change as much as I needed the real me to emerge from where she’d been hiding (quite comfy, in her anonymity:)
The word Emerge began to haunt me. It resounded somewhere deep inside me.
2009: The Year for ME to Emerge
As an introvert, the thought of Emerging scared the pants off me. I’d been hiding in my chrysalis for so long it no longer felt safe out there in the big wide world.
Since I chose the word Emerge, wrote it on a big sheet of paper and stuck it on the wall to the right of my computer, things have not been the same.
There are things I’ve done this year that I never would’ve dared contemplate last year.
Somewhere during the year, I took a deep breath and found the courage to be myself.
Somewhere during the constant focus on Emerging, I managed to press ‘publish’ on a few pieces written straight from my heart.
Somewhere during the journey to emerge from my chrysalis, I’ve got one whole jeweled wing out in the sunlight.
Somewhere during the year, I came to redefine myself as me. And I learned that who I am is enough.
Somewhere during the year I came to trust who I am.
I’m still emerging, it’s definitely not a done deal yet. But in everything I do, I am finally true to myself first.
I’d been expert at editing out the stuff that is too vulnerable – from my writing and from my social interactions. Up until this year. This year, after I’d written something soulful and, well, me – I’d sit with it a while, and then go to edit it all out as usual. And then Emerge would catch my eye, and my heart would whisper – “leave it in”.
What has happened as a result of that process has been extraordinary. I have had so many amazing comments and emails from people telling me I have touched them. They tell me I have made a difference to their lives by fully showing up in mine.
I have finally learned that not only can I write, but that I am a writer.
The little devil editor is sitting on my shoulder right now, telling me this isn’t good enough. That to write something to appear on Christine Kane’s blog requires the most superlative, amazing writing ever (and that this isn’t it).
If you’re reading this, I’ve won the battle with the devil and taken another small step that’s in disguise as a long leap over a bottomless chasm…
And that other wing?
It’s slowly emerging, even though it’s so very shy. It’s the wing that is a great coach. It’s the wing that says I’m capable of earning a great living doing what I love. And it’s about to burst forth in a shower of sparkles.
A guiding word, a glimpse of a wing, broken patterns, a year of miracles…
What word will you choose for 2010?
———————–
Káren Wallace is the Editor of The Calm Space an online magazine where a group of talented writers and artists inspire action to move from stress to serenity one step at a time. In addition, Káren is a talented coach who loves helping women discover that life IS full of joy once they clear a space for themselves. Her clients learn to feel in control of their lives by taking deliberate action to end the chaos and get back on purpose. Click here to find her on Twitter.
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{ 24 comments… read them below or add one }
Gorgeous post. Last year I caught a butterfly emerging from its cocoon on our garage wall before I went to a life-changing doctor’s appt and since then have considered it a personal symbol – and I’ve been finding it everywhere. It’s inspired me to make little transformations, despite fear. Thank you.
Superbly concise and straight from and TO the heart!
Smiling at the many similarities especially the one about the little d. making ’superlative’ dictations from your shoulder.
Thanks for sharing, Karen! (and Christine!)
Rachel – Thank you! I have goose-bumps from reading your comment and I love that the butterfly emerging is your personal symbol. I hope it continues to inspire you with those little transformations (they really start to add up, don’t they?)
Kat – oh, my heart is singing from your words. Thanks so much… Don’t let the little ‘d’ win
First let me declare myself as a close friend of Karen’s! Now I can say what I think …
Firstly, it’s only that bloody devil editor that’s stopped so many people from getting what they need. Do you hear me???? What they NEED, and you’re stopping them from getting it! So I hope this post means that you will tell that editor to get stuffed.
You always were a great writer and you’re the only one who seems to be fiddling around debating it!!!!!!!!!!!!! (yes ms editor I do like the odd exclamation mark to make a point.) If you needed to be published on Christine’s blog to drum the writer thing into your head then that’s great and it’s a wonderful affirmation. But many of us in the world of Calm Space have known it for ages!
Now I’ve got that off my chest I can comment on this gorgeous article!
Delightful imagery, and i particularly love those jewelled wings. I can see them sparkling from here!
You have emerged a lot in the last 12 months and when the rest of the chrysalis falls away – watch out world!
As I’m probably one of the few people you regularly coach at the moment, I KNOW how bejewelled that second wing is!
Bravo for the leap across the chasm and the pause on your editing hand. There’s no question these are the articles we all love!
Thankyou for gifting me with a friendship I couldn’t bear to be without, and the coaching that kicks my butt just when I need it most.
Thankyou for sharing so much of your world with me even across the thousands of miles that geographically separate us.
I’m goosebumpy at this particular moment of vulnerability and for where it’s been published. i’m excited for you! Cin Cin!!
Thanks Christine for seeing the gift and publishing this delightful woman – thus facilitating this miracle of emergence.
Karen, it is wonderful and beautiful to see you emerging and every time you do… take that breath, share that spirit – yes, it does move us.
Thanks for your support and friendship this year – can’t wait to see what 2010 brings you x
Chris – I’m breathless! But then, you often have that effect on me
Thank you for being my biggest supporter and holding me to the fire when I need it most. I value you, and I DO listen, truly I do. You’ve helped my journey towards emergence in so many, many ways… Here’s to the best, most incredible year yet in 2010! Thank YOU.
Joanna – your friendship and your inspiration never fail to leave me slightly tongue tied, words just fail me. A simple thank you doesn’t quite seem sufficient…
I am looking forward to the excitement and promise of the new year… filled with possibility for ALL of us. And I’m putting your words “take that breath, share that spirit” onto my wall for year-long inspiration. I can feel your warmth from here (and Scotland to Australia is about as far as you can get…)
Hi Karen,
I don’t know you, but I love you. Your words were like paintbrushes on canvas or the softest caress on your back…beatiful and inspiring and transporting me to another place.
I love Christine’s “imperfect camping” I do imperfect baking, the other day I did “imperfect dressing” for an event, and I now whip it out whenever my “perfection judge” rears it’s ugly head…
Your writing so reminded me how much I can get distracted by perfection and get amnesia about being inspired by authenticity, which is SO much better, richer, deeper.
There is no wrong writing. There is writing from your heart or not. Each is a choice – that thankfully we are free to make.
I am deeply grateful that you chose to write from your heart today. Your heart touched mine. And somewhere in the universe of all that is, they are smiling and laughing together – and soaring.
Karen,
What a beautiful post and even the word Emerge is so very magical that I can see it evolving in my mind.
It always amazes my to find that such talented creative people such as yourself have that same little devil attached to them as everyone else. As a subscriber of The Calm Space I got lulled into thinking…well. of course THEY all know they are great…
It reminds me how very important it is that we take the time to encourage each other honestly and frequently. And let me start here by saying I adore your heartfelt words. They are very inspiring to me.
Lovely post–thank you!
so wonderful!
i’ve always been connected to butterflies.
Wow! This is an awesome word! It worked so well for you (and I am comfortably in my cocoon myself), so I may think about it as well… can’t argue with success! Beautifully written. Thank you for sharing it with us!
Sheila
*Oh Maggie! I can feel our hearts out there, smiling laughing and soaring oh, so high! You DO know me, now…
Your comment was like a huge warm hug from a dear friend, one I will cherish always.
I love that you did “imperfect dressing” for that event… (although I am wondering what ‘imperfect dressing’ looks like. I hope you didn’t miss out anything important LOL). You’ve reminded me (and boy, I do so often need those reminders) to do “imperfect entertaining” for the 21 family members I’ve got coming on Christmas Eve! I’m going to write that in big letters at the top of my to-do list.
*Wendi, sweetie! Thank you! You do write the sweetest, nicest things… my heart really IS overflowing now. And yes, we all need encouragement, don’t we? I’m soaking in your words and taking them to heart.
*the Other Mimi – Thank you… (love your name – there must be a story behind being ‘the other’?)
*Alisha – wishing you butterfly kisses and gossamer wings. Thanks for stopping by!
Karen,
My favorite line is: And it’s about to burst forth in a shower of sparkles.
Awesome. I can FEEL that. Very cool.
Thank you for sharing your heartfelt essay – and most of all, YOU! I, too, love the image you have drawn with your words “a butterfly emerging from her cocoon, all brilliant jeweled colour.” Just beautiful. Thank you!
Dear Karen,
First, thank you and congratulations. In reading the comments from those who know you, it sounds like you not only emerged but also saw the rainbow. Very nice imagery.
Thank you, too, for beginning with the opening quotation. It fits you and your experience so well, and it made me think.
“When patterns are broken, new worlds emerge.“
~Tuli Kupferberg
Your writing made me think too: “They tell me I have made a difference to their lives by fully showing up in mine.” It was a wonderful reminder of what I need to do.
All the best (with your personal celebration and your family celebration). Pati
Sue – to have someone feel something that I’ve put down in words… now THAT is cool… thank you!
Stacey – You’re such a sweetheart, I cherish your sentiments and will hold your words close to help me flutter my wings… thank you!
Pati – that quote has been stuck on my computer on a bright pink sticky note for some time now. It fit so well with me this year… I’ve broken so many patterns recently, sometimes I don’t know which way is up!
I wish you the courage and the inspiration to fully show up in your life – your words tell me you’re a wonderful person, and I’m sure you have a beautiful affect on those you interact with. Thank you so much for adding to my life with your kind words.
K xxx
wow- what beutiful writing! so glad to hear you are going to keep that darn editor quiet! you have a such a special talent! its totally my belief that the more we share of our true, authentic selves witht he world the closer we get to our true joy. my word this year is EASE- I need to print it out (as you did!) and see it! i want our website and design business to flow with ease and my personal life too.
Karen – you are a writer! A beautiful writer who reaches people through her words. Thanks for the beautiful imagery of a chrysalis emerging. Get that other wing out there and soar, girl!
Ah dear Karen; your words are always kind and your spirit gentle, yet another gorgeous posting and thank you for sharing from your heart and allowing yourself to be the “V” word
(vunerable)
…“They tell me I have made a difference to their lives by fully showing up in mine.”
Never a truer word was spoken – thank you! x
What a great post, Karen! Love how you describe how your struggles and your growth go hand in hand! When thinking about my word for 2010, the word “reveal” has been floating through my mind again and again. And each time I dismissed it, out of fear I might be choosing the “wrong” word and spoil my whole year
Your post gave me goosebumps and the inspiration to really go for it. I especially was touched by “It’s the wing that is a great coach. It’s the wing that says I’m capable of earning a great living doing what I love.” as it is my dream to be a great coach as well, and earn a great living by doing just that! Guess I have to just feel the fear and step into it, and start emerging! Thank you for your beautiful words!
Karen, indeed “all brilliant jewelled colour” describes how I see you. The shower of sparkles is bound to be blinding, and I’m so glad to know you and be able to witness it.
Once again, thank you all for your beautiful words and kindness. I’ve been offline enjoying the festivities and summer here in Australia, and to come back to these comments is like icing on the biggest, yummiest cake!
Kathy – thank you! Your words touched my heart… and yes, there are big plans for that other wing in 2010…
Dee – thank you for recognising that “v” for vulnerable … it has been a huge step for me, to let others in, to share with others what’s going on with me. I do so appreciate all your support xx
Anmarie – oh, go for it and Reveal yourself to us all! Funny how we have that fear of making the wrong choice, and how that can stop us from making any choice at all… I will be waiting to see how your dreams turn out, for I’m sure they will. There is power in that word!
Angela – ahh, my friend, I’d love to have you witness my ’shower of sparkles’ – what an image! I’m laughing with glee, (and shivering a little, too…) I’m so glad to have your support, thank you.
“i didn’t need to change as much as i needed the real me to emerge…”
“…who i am is enough…”
“i am true to myself first”
“when patterns are broken, new worlds emerge.”
karen, these and several other thoughts you so beautifully
expressed resonated with me in a way that caused me to
“copy” this post and file it in my gmail “uplifting and inspriring”
file.
thank you for waging and winning your battle with the devil.
joy
Oh Joy! You’re living up to your name in bringing me joy… thank you so much.
Happy New Year. Are you choosing a word for 2010?