9 Irresistible Reasons to Go Complaint-Free Starting Right Now
October 29th, 2007 by Christine Kane
Today marks the beginning of a five-week e-Seminar I’m leading. It’s called The Great Big Dreams e-Seminar. And on our opening day, each participant will commit to being complaint-free, criticism-free, whine-free, and gossip-free for the full five weeks of the course. That’s 35 days, baby!
I’m doing it too.
Many a success guru, spiritual teacher, and business coach have recommended going complaint-free for at least 21 days. That’s because, according to experts, it takes 21-days to form a new habit. And now, it’s sweeping the world in bracelet form because of a book called A Complaint-Free World
Though I have yet to make it through a full 21-days without a complaint, I know that this time’s a winner for me. I made myself sign the contract I sent out to participants. Of course, there’s no punishment if you don’t make it. As Edwene Gaines
Here are 10 Irresistible Reasons to Go Complaint-Free Starting Today:
1 – When you’re complaint-free, you learn to find solutions rather than staying mucked in the problem.
If you don’t offer yourself the option of complaining, then you might start training your brain to actually find solutions and get ideas. As Maya Angelou says, “If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude. Don’t complain.”
2 – When you’re complaint-free, you shrink your ego.
Complaining builds your ego. It makes your ego stronger because it makes someone or something else wrong. And it makes you right. You become inflated and puffed up. Well, actually you don’t, but your ego does. Ceasing the complaining/criticizing/gossiping habit tells your ego that you are in charge, and that you want to create new habits.
3 – When you’re complaint free for 21-Days, you’ve started a new habit and created a new you.
4 – When you’re complaint-free, it’s a conversation starter.
Imaginary scenario: Someone rushes into your office to gossip or whine. You get to simply smile and say, “Gosh, you know, I’d love to join in, but I’m in the middle of a Complaint-free Contract. Would you like to look at it?” And the person says, “Huh? What’s that?” Then you get to propel the conversation in a different direction.
5 – When you’re complaint-free, it’s a conversation deepener.
That same person who rushes into your office will listen for a while and then say, “Wow, that’s a really great idea. I always notice how easy it is to complain, and I want to be more self-responsible…” You’ll then share a deeper connection when you each admit that you want to live more happy and focused lives.
6 – When you’re complaint-free, it becomes viral.
You start attracting more positive people to you. The negative people will walk away and just think you’re a complete moron. But then, you’ll start noticing positive curious people coming into your life because you are so much fun to be around.
7 – When you’re complaint-free, you banish lazy thinking.
Think about it – you can’t get much lazier than complaining and gossiping. It’s the same well-worn neural pathway you’ve trudged down day after day, along with 85% of the population. When you’re complaint-free, you find other things on which to focus. With alertness and alacrity, you find new ways of seeing things. (And you get to use words like “alacrity.”)
8 – When you’re complaint-free, you create happiness.
9 – When you’re complaint free with a group, you get to soar on the updraft of the great group energy.
When groups work together – even only on the level of intention – magic happens. It’s why people love Mastermind groups. It’s why I invite people to join in on the retreat prayer lists. You allow effortlessness when you link up with a group of like-minded people. Join us today and create a cool updraft and all kinds of good things happen.
Who’s in?
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October 29th, 2007 12:25 am
I’m in.
October 29th, 2007 12:35 am
Hey – I’m totally in! How cool, Christine, to include those of us not in the e-seminar. Thanks! And the Red Sox won the series – what’s to complain about! Tee hee!
Sarah
October 29th, 2007 1:20 am
in
October 29th, 2007 1:51 am
I am in. That will be really challenging but I tried to do it for the past weeks anyway. (And we all know how good it works to try something.)
October 29th, 2007 2:42 am
I’m in for 21 days starting today. I’ve added an event to my Google Calendar, so now I’ll have a fresh reminder every morning from Google telling me “Don’t Complain, Criticize, Whine or Gossip”.
October 29th, 2007 2:52 am
Oh yes please.
October 29th, 2007 5:02 am
I’m in!
I’ve told my grad students for years that I’m pretty dis-interested in complaints but very interested in the naming of problems that are accompanied by proposals to resolve them. I can’t stand whining…it’s so external-locus-of-control!
From myself, either.
October 29th, 2007 6:14 am
hi all – most excellent to have you joining us! and sarah – i recall a very funny moment in Boston Legal – a discussion btw william shatner and james spader about how their whole identity had been based on the red sox always losing – and now that the Soz had won – William Shatner says he feels like his pilot light had gone out. He concludes that it must be awful to root for the Yankees. I went to Boston College – so it made me burst out laughing. Great writing. But hey – congratulations!
October 29th, 2007 7:07 am
thanks for including the blog readers. always start new things on Mon. barb b
October 29th, 2007 7:15 am
OoOo… me likie, i’m in. thank you for this christine.
October 29th, 2007 8:21 am
In [quickly dives behind tree]
October 29th, 2007 9:38 am
I’m in.
October 29th, 2007 10:46 am
I’m in. And Boston College is doing well this year!
October 29th, 2007 11:39 am
I’m in!
October 29th, 2007 12:30 pm
Christine -
I’m in! I remember reading about this phenomenon a while ago in “People” magazine. I think it’s a great idea. What a wonderful way to propel positive energy into the universe, and my life.
BTW, at my 12 step CODA (Co-dependent’s Anonymous), meeting last night I mentioned the idea you’d talked about at the retreat regarding collusion.
The retreat, and all the personal growth work I’ve done this past year has really helped me “get clear” and slowly grow into a better person. So thanks!
October 29th, 2007 2:24 pm
Count me in! Thanks for sharing, Christine.
Hopefully, I can count my hubbie in on this too – going to share with him.
October 29th, 2007 3:08 pm
I’m definitely in. Been wanting a good excuse to do something like this. Thanks Christine!
October 29th, 2007 3:14 pm
I’ve been making a very conscious effort to “watch my language” which has made me very aware of being complaint free. Good reminder, I’m in!
October 29th, 2007 3:22 pm
yep, count me in! hope the retreat was great! thinking of you all on my adventures around the world. i met a man from Asheville today on an island in Greece. the world really is a ’small english village’ isn’t it?
October 29th, 2007 3:32 pm
Count me in. This is a great suggestion and I have been an ardent follower of you and I am hoping that this could give a new meaning to my life.
October 29th, 2007 4:01 pm
I’m so in! This is great! Wow what a challenge that will be at work..hee hee.
October 29th, 2007 5:55 pm
My friend Karynne sent this to me (thanks K) and I’m in – what a great challenge.
October 29th, 2007 5:57 pm
Fabulous timing for me – I need exactly this sort of demarcation line in my habits, and am so glad to know I won’t be going it alone! Thanks to a tip from a mutual friend, Chrissie, I’ve been reading your blog for some time now, and can’t tell you how helpful it’s been at a pivotal point (pun intended) in my life. Day 1 starts right now…
October 29th, 2007 7:01 pm
I’m in. I’ll see if I can get my coaching clients to join in too. And, what great timing, Christine. Thanks for the invitation.
October 29th, 2007 7:21 pm
I’m in. This is too interesting to pass up. It also fits into all the other things I am doing right now.
October 29th, 2007 7:55 pm
whew – that’s a tough one for me. So, obviously, I should do it! Now, let’s see – where’s a rubber to snap my wrist with to remind me….
October 29th, 2007 8:32 pm
Ok, I’m in too. Recognize a problem, state it objectively, and work on overcoming it or accepting it, is that the idea? I’ll go for it!
October 29th, 2007 8:47 pm
yes, thanks for the invitation!
On a different note, as I write,I am listening to a singer, Erica Weeler, who I found out about through itunes, ordering Christine Kane’s CD’s and noticed the section “other CD’s who have ordered Christine Kane’s music” (what a great idea that is!) “Almost like Tonight” is the CD. Christine and Erica would sound so lovely together. Hmmmm! Maybe someday!
Okay, 35 days complaint-free!
-Katherine
October 29th, 2007 10:54 pm
Holy Shitake Mushrooms…that sounds hard!!! But I’m in! Was that a complaint? Okay…now I’m in!
October 29th, 2007 11:10 pm
Holy leadership Bat Kane, I’m in.
October 30th, 2007 1:04 am
This is hilarious – and humbling. I’ve had to start over twice already! I’m thinking this is gonna be a 21-day personal silent retreat. My favorite part so far is telling someone I’m doing it, then watching them look uncomfortable when I blow it. Or, when we look at each other and say “Was that a complaint?” Interesting conversaitons, them the inevitable laughter.
October 30th, 2007 3:17 am
This is a wonderful, wonderful idea! I have already enlisted my whole office ~ today we each wear a little happy face sticker on our hands to remind us not to complain. I am coupling this with Gretchen Rubin’s Sport of Extreme Nice, where you go out of your way to walk the extra mile for others. So far, it has made me feel absolutely wonderful!
Thank you, Christine ~ I am linking to this post in my blog to encourage others as well.
Love,
Pippa
October 30th, 2007 6:15 am
Holy Shitake Mushrooms?
thanks everyone – and may success abound. (and pippa – i walked into a restaurant last night to meet my husband who was already seated – and the table he chose was wobbly. and i blurted out, “This table sucks!” I paused. We stared at each other. and i switched my “complaint-free world” bracelet over to the other wrist and started again. I said to my husband – “maybe if i just don’t leave the house I can do this!”
October 30th, 2007 6:21 am
Came here via Patti throwing out your challenge at 37 Days (and tacking 2 extra days on, to boot).
I’ve told Patti that I’m in and I’ll tell you, too. And just to make sure, I’ve put it out on my blog. Thanks. GREAT post…and so glad Patti led me here so I could find you. P.S. Lovely music, too.
I was wondering if you’d be willing to share a version of your complaint-free contract with us…maybe modified for those of us doing it via the blog vs. your e-seminar.
October 30th, 2007 7:28 am
Oh, I’m definitely in!
October 30th, 2007 9:55 am
That’s a good point, Marilyn. A version of the contract would help – maybe I’m already breaking it – if you say “This table’s wobbly, let’s see if we can move” is that okay? Otherwise, I’m like Drew Barrymore in ‘50 First Dates’ -everyday is a first day over again!
October 30th, 2007 10:19 am
hi david, i sent marilyn a contract. i’ll email one to you too. yes, i think saying, “this table’s wobbly. let’s see if we can move” is great. that’s a solution and pointing out the issue. saying “this table sucks” has quite a different energy, no??
i haven’t seen 50 First Dates. is it good? (i loved music&lyrics!)
October 30th, 2007 11:25 am
Yes, Christine, it is.
It also stars Adam Sandler (like in ‘The Wedding Singer’ they both starred in) and it may be a bit predictable but cute, where he (as a bit of a cad) meets her, they hit it off, and the next day she doesn’t remember him — she had an accident with short-term memory loss, every night she forgets — and he has to find a new way everyday to win her over (every night it gets re-set).
I’ll look for the contract, sometimes I need structure! Thanks!
I love your blog, aways helps me see in a different way and motivates me to do better!
-David
October 30th, 2007 11:36 am
The question that came up for me today was, if I think it and catch myself to not voice it, can I keep my bracelet where it is or must I go back to the starting line? Yeah, so a contract sounds good for me too! I think you may have my email address.
October 30th, 2007 11:37 am
katherine – catching it before you say it is the whole point! so don’t move the bracelet. contract on the way!
October 30th, 2007 11:40 am
p.s. I loved first 50 dates! Funny, but I don’t recall the music and lyrics…which is why Christine is the singer/songwriter! What songs were they?
October 30th, 2007 11:43 am
katherine – i was talking about the movie “music & lyrics” with drew barrymore and hugh grant. i giggled my way through it – mostly cuz i love the 80’s humor.
October 30th, 2007 11:48 am
The universe is aligned. Go Christine!
Posted on Yahoo: Mon Oct 29, 5:05 PM ET
NEW YORK (Reuters) – Work colleagues who spend their day gossiping, organizing their home lives, or who press “reply all” on e-mails are among the biggest nuisances in the office, according to a survey released on Monday.
Here’s to day 1 (again)!
October 30th, 2007 11:58 am
Christine,
okay now i am giggling. anyway, let us know what you think of first 50 dates. thanks for the contract.
October 30th, 2007 2:03 pm
OK, I’ve already started over today, but what amazes me is how many opportunities there are to NOT complain!!! Makes one realize that complaining has become part of our (my)culture. I already feel better though, like I have a small secret about being happy that I need to share. I loved both of the movies btw. 80s humor rocks. Much like Sixteen Candles, an 80s classic which still makes me laugh til I have tears in my eyes.
October 30th, 2007 3:14 pm
Count me in NOW! LOL
October 30th, 2007 3:48 pm
I’m in
October 30th, 2007 7:40 pm
[...] Digh of 37Days is doing Christine Kane’s challenge to attempt to go 5 weeks without complaining, criticizing, whining or gossipping. Now I have no [...]
October 30th, 2007 8:48 pm
Your post brings to mind a colleague of mine at work in the cubicle behind me. He’s a young guy who’s very high-strung and easily frustrated– or at least he’s very good about expressing his frustrations by complaining. The other day he got really frustrated and angry and for some reason his complaining actually cracked me up. I was laughing so hard (but ever so silently). I don’t normally react this way, but for some reason this time his complaining absolutely cracked me up. I don’t have anything against him–he’s a good guy, it is just that we all get upset, pissed, frustrated in our department. It is just that he chooses to react this way all the time.
Tim
October 30th, 2007 8:54 pm
I’m so happy that my friends Lori-Lyn and Carmen are doing this…as well as two of my coworkers. Woot! Something occurred to me as I was biking home from work. It’s something I know…but I forget it every day.
And that’s this: just one day of doing this reminded me how much energy I spend–and WASTE–on making myself miserable…getting all wound up over things that don’t matter one whit in the big scheme of things.
October 30th, 2007 8:56 pm
This is going to be tough. Count me in!
The live CD is great!!
October 30th, 2007 8:59 pm
Oh! Is “this is going to be tough” a complaint??
Scratch that!
Please count me in.
October 30th, 2007 9:23 pm
I’m in!
The live CD is great! Refreshing sounds!
October 30th, 2007 10:05 pm
I’m in! And I’m going to try and bring one of my bargaining teams with me.
October 30th, 2007 10:48 pm
Count me in, although I’ll have to start tomorrow! hee hee Tonight the power was out in our whole area, and I sat in the kitchen floor trying to change the wick in the kerosene heater…by lamp light! I actually didn’t complain too much because I like the challenge, but I did snip at my daughter a couple of times while we searched for a few thing. We had to find my glasses, the heater and the kerosene FIRST! and those were bigger challenges than changing the wick. So now it’s outside burning away because I can’t stand the smell of the first burn of the season. And so now I’m ready for the NEXT
time the power goes out!
I loved both Music and Lyrics and 50 First Dates. But then I think that romantic comedies are my favorite genre.
Now for the challenge!
Pam
October 31st, 2007 1:27 am
Hi Christine – Could I have a contract too, please? Went to my pilates lesson today and my teacher pulled out a new (to me) piece of equipment called the spine corrector. That’s what it does alright – yowser! She: “How is that stretch?” Me: “It’s really…uh…ouch!….effective.” She kept asking and I had to dig deep, deep, deep to not whine. It was more work than the workout! At the moment, it seems complaining is a huge part of what I do. Not that I’m complaining about that. Of course not.
October 31st, 2007 9:27 am
i have enjoyed reading all these responses…so opposite of complaining! uplifting to see so many people choosing a higher way of being and how it promotes laughter when we make a mistake and have to start over again. being able to laugh at ourselves is such a very good thing.
this whole process is great.
ticked,
k
October 31st, 2007 10:09 am
ditto Katherine/me. a great way to get a smile going. really makes me monitor my mouth. barb b
October 31st, 2007 12:48 pm
Oh this is proving so challenging ! It really shows how many times a day we deal with these feelings. I am doing ok, despite missing a plane due to traffic gridlock after an accident. My husband was astonished by my “its obviously not meant to be ” attitude ! I’d really appreciate a copy of the contract too, to try and stay on the right track. Thank you.
October 31st, 2007 1:14 pm
Wow! This is much tougher than I thought!! Especially on the first day back at work!! It’s scarey just how many thoughts can go through your head like this!!
Christine – I love the bracelet idea as it provides a kinesthetic reminder – Where did you get the ‘Complaint-Free World’ bracelet from… or will any old bracelet do?
Perhaps you could sell them online?
November 2nd, 2007 11:00 pm
[...] couple of days before that I agreed to be complaint free for 35 days, at the suggestion of Christine Kane. I am taking part in her Great Big Dreams [...]
November 6th, 2007 1:20 am
Hi Christine,
This is such a wonderful idea! I found you from 37 Days and “joined” you 4 days ago in my head. Longest I’ve gone so far is 5 hours. What a blissful 5 they were! But I’m keen to try it more seriously and think coming out of lurking might help. Is it too late? You can let me know. Thanks so much! Very inspiring!
November 6th, 2007 11:45 am
I can always use some ‘better reality” – count me in.
I’m reading Brands biography of Ben Franklin at present and this reminds me of one of his self-improvement projects.
I’ll be passing this on to my clients.
Keep creating…worthy dreams,
Mike
November 6th, 2007 12:12 pm
Inspirational. Where can I find a contract, please? The Sport of extreme nice….I try to practice that and didn’t even know it was an extreme sport…I just called myself the goddess of small things.
THANKS!
November 6th, 2007 12:34 pm
I’m in, too…a little late, but that doesn’t matter in something like this! A super idea which goes along well with my recent efforts to distance myself from “toxic people”!!
Love your blog and the cd of you that I have.
November 6th, 2007 12:38 pm
Could I please have a copy of the contract too?
November 6th, 2007 12:58 pm
I am willing to do it too. By the way, since it is now November-already!-I hope you will post your list of possible words to use for the New Year. It is such a much better way of making a New Year’s Resolution.
November 6th, 2007 1:14 pm
I am so in!!! I seem to be in a “negative” zone these days and this sounds like the perfect vehicle to transport myself away from there! It’s funny how the world works! Just recently, Maya Angelou’s quote came across my desk and bowled me over!!! I immediately posted it at my work desk to use as a daily mantra! I love your singing and blog voices! It’s all good!Christine, this Canadian fan would also like a contract too, please!!!
November 6th, 2007 1:19 pm
Hi! Christine,
I’ve been receiving your Newsletter, and this is my first time reading your blog. I’d love to be “Complaint Free”! I’ve been using “The Secret” and its helped me so much, but complaint free would be awesome. Could I have a contract please?
P.S. Have you ever given a retreat or a concert in SoCal? I live in Santa Barbara County, and would really love both of the above. Thanks!
November 6th, 2007 2:15 pm
Hi Christine, so cool to be a part of this, i’ld tell you why but it might sound like a complaint, could i get a contract??? Do you ever come and do work in Canada?
Thanks from Eva in Beautiful British Columbia
November 6th, 2007 2:32 pm
Hi Christine!
This is a great idea. George turned me onto your music. He listens to every concernt you give at Old Towne School in Chi Town. I’m in FL right now centering myself. So there couldn’t be a better time to have read this on your blog. Today is day one for me.
I would love a copy of the contract. I am going to encourage all 18 of my staff members to do this as well!
Thanks for sharing your gift of song with all of us!
November 6th, 2007 2:51 pm
Wow! I’m in! You have no idea how much I needed your message – and I didn’t even know it! I’ve notified everyone at work that I’m no longer a complainer, whiner, or gossiper and when they quit laughing at me, they logged on and read your blog! So thanks so much for such a great idea!
November 6th, 2007 4:54 pm
Nice post. I am going to give this a try.I have already told my family and one of my best friends.I am already feeling better about the world…This is going to be a challenge, but I am up for it!
Thanks for suggesting this.
November 6th, 2007 5:49 pm
I’m in! Where do I sign?
November 6th, 2007 7:57 pm
I took the “complaint-free” challenge during a Prosperity Course I did at Center for Creative Living which was based around Edwene Gaines’ book, the Four Spiritual Laws of Prosperity”…. even though i didn’t make it through 21 days (although I wore the bracelet for a month), I gained AMAZING clarity and insight into the power of my own thoughts, and I felt so clean and good during that time!
Count me in to your new challenge, and thanks for putting it out there!
Blessings, Anne Lowry
November 6th, 2007 8:37 pm
BOY AM I IN! Your timing could not be better, being in the mortgage business its almost infectious..boy do i need this right now! GREAT JOB…..I am emailing my friends
Thanks
November 6th, 2007 11:29 pm
[...] am letting go and I am declaring tomorrow a moratorium on complaining about it, talking about it. If I have to deal with it in that I need to work with it to get work [...]
November 7th, 2007 1:17 am
I’m in.
November 8th, 2007 11:52 am
[...] stop talking about my Mom in Law, I’m really getting on people’s nerves. Then I read this that she sent. She wasn’t complaining that I was complaining. This is something that Ann is [...]
November 8th, 2007 1:12 pm
I didn’t see it linked, here… but there’s a beautiful reminder folks can add to their own blogs, or print out and hang up, etc. from Patti Digh’s revelation that Every Day is Day One.
You can find it here, and you can click on Rick’s name in his comment to get the smaller version, or you can e-mail him for the html code.
OK – hope I got that in OK!
November 8th, 2007 1:15 pm
In, In, In, I’m soooooooooo in! I need this like there’s no tomorrow! Last night I just wasted an hour complaining on my blog about my MIL. A whole hour, when I could have been doing something more productive like working on my knitting! A friend of mine sent me this link this morning and told me to just read it. Now mind you, her precious heart listened to me whine for almost 2 hours about my MIL. After reading this post, I realized what I need to do. I already knew complaining didn’t solve anything, but it felt good yesterday. What I didn’t realize is I was falling into the trap, becoming a toxic friend and wasn’t finding a solution to the issue. Yeah…I don’t want that. Thank you so much to my friend and to you for this!
November 10th, 2007 2:31 am
Hey Christine
I am fully thumbs-up of this campaign and had seen the positive effects of it when I ran it on myself early this year and I called it – “7 Days of Gratitude”. I blogged about how I felt each day and though I must say it was quite hard in the beginning, but it gets easier for me to catch myself complaining and instantly change my thoughts to find solutions or to be grateful for something instead.
Have fun in this campaign Christine. You’re doing something very meaningful here! Cheers! XXOO
November 10th, 2007 1:31 pm
i’m in, it’s easier to do than you think …. when you don’t think with your huge ego
November 13th, 2007 11:34 pm
[...] first post in this regard came from Christine Kane. In late October she posted on going complaint free and encouraged her readers to join in. This is truly a challenge and a good one. Christine also [...]
November 14th, 2007 1:18 am
[...] 6 – Go Complaint-Free. [...]
November 15th, 2007 9:55 pm
I’m waaaaayyyyy late but so in…what do I have to do now?
November 16th, 2007 2:31 pm
Christine:
So I’ve been doing this exercise for two weeks now and W-O-W. More than anything, this has helped me get a handle on learning to hear what I’m saying. I’ve always been a talker–I love conversation like I love chocolate!–but by being so engrossed with it, I find that I sometimes talk unconsciously (i.e. I’m not really listening to the other person, or I’m just speaking on auto-pilot).
I’m also learning that to change a habit, beating myself up about it isn’t a good idea. In anything new I try, if I don’t get it automatically, I get really frustrated and negative. This little exercise is helping me improve my ability to change and react to hurdles, as well.
Lastly, just want to thank you because the more I learn to NOT focus on the negative (via retelling the story/complaint to people over and over), the negative situation’s effect is totally minimized. It’s an easy way to just let-it-go and choose to be happy (by focusing on happy things). Not complaining to others makes me dig a little deeper when talking with them: I get to find happy stories, interesting stories, or become more interested in them (go figure!
) to make a conversation worth their while… it’s a fun challenge for me.
Have a Happy Friday,
Rebecca
November 16th, 2007 3:41 pm
ditto to sunrise sister!
November 19th, 2007 4:45 pm
Hey! This sounds completely awesome & definitely something I need to do!!!! What a GREAT way to start the holiday seasons!!!!
So, how do I get a contract???? Will definitely turn my boyfriend onto this, too! Thanks for the posts….
April 11th, 2009 11:03 am
Better late than never; I’m in.
June 29th, 2009 12:51 pm
I just finished reading Edwene Gaines book “The Four Spiritual Laws of Prosperity.” I thought that the tithing principle would be my big stumbling block, but NO….it’s the complaining fast. Wow! I’ve yet to get through a whole day.
I really like reason #9. I hope to catch and spread this virus. How did you do on your 35-day attempt?
Lori