Someone I know is dealing with an abusive client. After a recent violent outburst, this person is panicked. She’s wondering how she could attract anyone so horrible into her business and what she can do to change this energy and create a more positive environment.

Now, I’m a big fan of clear communication, correcting mistakes, and apologizing in situations when you’ve messed up. That’s the first place to start.

And if you’re a reader of this blog, then you know I regularly refer to the Law of Attraction and similar approaches to daily life.

After that, three thoughts come to mind:

The first thought is about Wonder Woman.

It’s oh-so tempting to think that because you’re a “conscious” person, or because you understand Law of Attraction, that you now have to slog through every negative situation in your life in order to figure out how you “attracted it” and how you might “heal from it.”

I call this Superhero Thinking.

We’re certain that we could transform any situation if we could only use our powers of thought in the perfect and right ways.

Sometimes, however, this isn’t the best choice. Often, it makes us stay in bad relationships, draining friendships, and hurtful jobs to prove that we are able to leap tall negativity in a single bound.

It will benefit you, your dog, your children, your friends and the entire planet if you get over this as quickly as possible.

I spent two years talking with business coaches and reading management books trying to change myself so that I could deal with an abusive employee. At first, she was a star in my office. But as time wore on, she became angry and lashed out when she didn’t like the decisions I was making about my music career. It was painful. And I tried hard to make it work because, after all, I knew about these spiritual principles.

Finally, I did the wisest and most conscious thing I could do.

I fired her.

We may think we have super powers and that if we could just get healthy enough then we can transform a negative situation — but sometimes the best answer is to take off the orange cape and mask and simply let go.

The second thought is about fear.

Often, the real issue is not about what we’ve attracted. The real issue is why we won’t let it go. The real issue is that we’re scared. We think we need this client, this employee, this boyfriend, this job, this gig.

We think these external things are the source. The source of our money. The source of our joy. The source of our productivity. So, we become attached to them.

That’s when things get wonky.

We convince ourselves it’s about changing our thoughts and working with the negativity we’ve attracted. But really, it’s about addressing our fear of lack and our misguided attachment to something outside of us.

The third thought is about water-skiing.

When I started water-skiing, I’d get my balance and then immediately lurch forward, slamming face-first onto the lake. Then, in spite of all the water-skiing wisdom anyone had ever offered, I’d hold onto the handle for dear life as the boat dragged me several hundred feet across the lake on my stomach.

Now, the problem was not that I attracted bad experiences as I learned to water ski. The problem wasn’t that the boat was mean to me, or that the lake was evil, forcing me to swallow much of its contents.

The problem was that I wouldn’t let go of the handle.

It’s the same thing in life. Sometimes you have to stop asking how you could possibly attract this and recognize that you’re the one holding onto it.

This is Part 6 of a series called “The Six Snarkiest Misconceptions about the Law of Attraction.”

Click on these links to read: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5

Here is the sixth (and final!) misconception about the Law of Attraction:

#6 - You’re on Your Own

Even though consciousness is a personal journey and Law of Attraction is about your inner thoughts and feelings, the support of others is crucial.

One of the reasons I offer retreats and e-Seminars is because groups create velocity. The group intent becomes its own force, providing more movement, more clarity and more connection. I’ve seen this time and time again. Connection and support ground us and center us. It also helps to have someone else remind you on your bad days that you are powerful, that you are doing great, and that this is just a bad day, and not the truth! (For more on bad days, click here.)

I’m convinced that had I not taken classes and been surrounded by like-minded friends this path would have been slower and harder. At any given time, I could reach out to someone who was working with these principles, and they could see my mental chatter for exactly what it was - which, of course, helped me do the same.

Remember that reaching out, although uncomfortable for some, is an act of committment. You can choose to take a chance and start a group or try out a class that you never dreamed you’d take. Why not?

My rule of thumb is this: If feeling stupid or uncomfortable is the worst thing that could happen, then why not try it if it means I might create wonderful things? Why not risk an embarrassed ego for an expanded spirit?

Here are 5 ways to get support:

1 - Start a Great Big Dreams group or partnership.

Meet once a week for six months. Decide then if you want to keep it going. Meet to check in, read a text aloud, or write down an affirmation for each person to work with each week. Share your Ah-Ha! moments, as well as little victories. Have a 5-minute whining allowance at each meeting. (Some amount of whining might be needed at first. Be compassionate.) Make sure that the listeners don’t get hooked by the whininess, (which could turn into an out-and-out griping session) and that each person learns how to ask empowering questions like, “How would you like to feel about this situation?” “What thoughts would be more empowering than those you just spoke?”

A once-a-week check-in is such a great support system to have in place. You might have a bad day on a Friday, and actually feel some relief just knowing that on Monday night you’ll be able to check back in with people who can help you shift your state.

2 - Take a class or workshop

Religious Science Centers are wonderful places to start. Religious Science - also called Science of Mind - is the law of attraction. The name is a sticking point for some folks - as it conjures up images of Scientology and Tom Cruise. It’s not the same thing, I assure you!

I took classes for three years at the Center for Creative Living here in Asheville, and I remain friends with many of the other people who were in my classes. Unity Churches, New Age Bookstores, UU Churches and Yoga Centers are all great places to start. People drive three hours to take the classes at the Center for Creative Living here in Asheville.

3 - Books and audiobooks

I’m a huge fan of audiobooks. I highly recommend joining audible.com. (Click on the button to check out their plans.) You can pay for a bunch of books up front and then download them whenever you need a little motivation or entertainment.

Use the wisdom and inspiration of those who have gone before you. That’s why they write. You might not agree with everything they say - but this is one way to fill your mind with thoughts and ideas that aren’t all your old crappy negative patterned thoughts. You’ll hear (or read) how others have shifted their lives, and maybe you’ll get some new ideas for yourself. If you drive a lot, then make your car into your classroom. I used to perform about 250 dates a year - and I was on the road constantly. I looked at my car as the classroom and loaded up on audiobooks. I consider some of those authors my biggest mentors.

4 - Read aloud to your partner

This works best if your partner, husband or wife is also open to these ideas. It’s not a great idea to push this on someone who is resistant. Don’t force it. My husband and I got into the practice of reading to each other every morning after the gym. We’d get up super early, work out, come home and read for about 20 minutes from a variety of books. Even a small amount of inspiration can do wonders to remind you of these ideas before you start your day. And it will also help you be better supporters of each other.

If you are on a sabbatical from spouses and partners alike, you can always read to your dog. She’ll completely understand this stuff. (After all, she attracted YOU, didn’t she?)

5 - Prayer

I love prayer. Of course, it’s good to make sure that your own judgments aren’t fueling your prayers. (i.e, “Lord, please let Debbie find a man who will take care of her.” Versus “I simply know that Debbie is strong and prosperous and that she is always happy and deeply at peace, and that the perfect and right people are attracted to her at all times. Thank you for this.”) At my retreats, I create a prayer list of names and requests from anyone who writes to me - and each person is included with the group energy during our retreats. I do the same thing with the e-Seminars for each participant.

The Law of Attraction is a lot about thoughts, so most people don’t associate it with prayer. But, there’s a lot of mystery in our lives. We don’t always know for sure exactly why certain things happen. Most of us are pretty aware of some form of the divine in our lives. Maybe you know for certain that everything is spirit. Or maybe you’re not quite there yet, but you’ve experienced great miracles. Maybe you don’t believe in God, but you’re quite aware that love is a powerful force for change. It doesn’t matter what the cynics say, prayer is a powerful way to reach out and wake up and move away from your ego with all of its “me against the music” mindsets. How you pray might evolve as you do this work. And your sense of what you’re praying to might also evolve. But prayer is a way to expand beyond just your ego and all of the voices it manufactures. This can do wonders for your growth.

This is Part 5 in this series on the snarkiest (and most common) ways we misinterpret the Law of Attraction.

Click here for #1.

Click here for #2.

Click here for #3.

Click here for #4.

#5 - “I’ve been doing this for two weeks now and nothing’s happened…”

Maharishi Mahesh, the yogi who founded Transcendental Meditation, likened meditation practice to the process of dying cloth in the villages in India. The white cloth gets dipped into barrels of dye. Then it is hung to dry. Then it gets dipped in the barrels again. It keeps going through this process until it becomes the intended deep color.

He said that meditation is the same process. You have to keep “dipping” in to the meditation, and bringing a little bit more of that experience into the world with you. You go back into meditation, and bring more of that peace and knowingness out into your world. Each experience of meditation takes you deeper - until you are able to live more from the meditation place than the frantic place of the material world.

It is the same with the ideas in the Law of Attraction, as well as any other consciousness work.

Many people see a program like The Secret, or they read a book about the Law of Attraction, and they decide to change their thoughts. When they don’t see an immediate difference, they doubt it “works.” Or they just let their excitement drift away.

I have been one of those people. (Some days, I still am.)

This is all okay. This stuff takes time. It’s a process. It’s not about the endings anyway. It’s what you learn and who you become along the way.

And besides, it has taken you a long time to create these old thought patterns and beliefs - so it might take some time to change their direction and creative power.

Let’s do some math:

Scientists estimate that the human brain thinks about 70,000 thoughts a day.

If you multiply that by 365 days in a year, that’s 25,550,000 thoughts. (I did that in my head.)

That, by the way, is twenty-five million, five hundred and fifty thousand thoughts.

Now, I want you to take your age and multiply it by twenty-five million, five hundred and fifty thousand.

The resulting number is the approximate number of thoughts you’ve had in your mind so far in your life.

For example, if you’re 35, then you’ve had 894,250,000 thoughts. That’s over 894 MILLION thoughts. Most of them unconscious.

So, now, let’s say you decide in your 35th year, that you’re going to add, “I am peaceful and prosperous in every moment” to the mix.

This can be likened (to use the words of a colorful ex-military man to whom I once had the pleasure of living next door) to “farting at a hurricane.”

In other words, it might take longer than two weeks.

But again, it’s okay! It gets even more okay the more you work with it. The goal becomes more about not letting all those old tapes run the show, and about experiencing the actual feeling of knowing it is so. When you get that level of peace, the outcome doesn’t matter, detachment happens, and manifestation does too.

In the meantime, if you’ve spent your whole life going down a well-worn negative path, getting nervous about the same things, feeling mistrustful of the same situations, doubting your ability to make money, criticizing your creativity, being angry at the world at large, or feeling unworthy - then most likely, it’s going to take more than two weeks, or even one year to create major changes.

You will create some changes though. You will see some openings and opportunities come your way. And it’ll be up to you to recognize them for the manifestations they are, rather than dismissing them as a fluke. This all requires awareness and consciousness and commitment. And the more you focus on the good stuff - even the tiniest openings - the more you’ll keep creating and noticing more good stuff.

Most of the people who vehemently insist that the Law of Attraction is a load of hooey have never even tried it at all, much less put it into any form of practice.

Most of the people who are into the Law of Attraction have experienced the changes that come from taking it seriously - even if they only quit complaining or simply begin a gratitude journal. Most of them will say that it took some time to begin seeing the shifts.

Give it time. Keep holding the images in your mind. Keep watching your thoughts and your language. If nothing else, you will be a happier person with happier thoughts. The other option is to give up and never know for sure if it’s possible to consciously create your life!

This is Part 4 in this series on the snarkiest (and most common) ways we misinterpret the Law of Attraction.

Quick review: The first misconception is about blame. The second misconception is making it a part time thing. The third misconception is taking it personally.

So, now we arrive at the fourth snarkiest misconception about the Law of Attraction…

#4 - Forgetting freedom

I have mentored performers and artists, both through my retreats and my e-Seminar. They’re intending success in their creative work and in their careers. Sometimes one of them gets a bad review, has a bad showcase, or doesn’t do well at an opening. She calls me in a panic. Her instant fear is that her career is over. Done. Finished. “You’ll never work in this town again!”

I don’t say anything about “attracting” this situation. I tell her the very thing that I’ve learned over and over again in similar situations:

Only you get to decide whether or not your career is over. You still have that choice. No one out there makes that choice for you. This is the ultimate freedom in your life.

When she begins to understand this, she breathes a sigh of relief.

Once she gets over the grief and the emotion of the incident, I encourage her to get back to focus. This means getting clear about who she is, and what she wants in her work. This means putting her attention on the happy feeling of success and the direction in which she is headed.

This does astonishing things to shift her energy. She is then free to look at the situation and ask herself if she created it, or attracted it and most importantly, what it can teach her.

This is one small example of one small incident, of course.

But, no matter what the incident might be, these incidents and daily choices are exactly where you can apply the Law of Attraction. It’s tempting - in so many situations - to believe that the outside world controls our destiny. It’s easy to head straight into the panic without remembering that our thoughts about the situation have enormous impact. There is always a point of choice.

If there’s one gift I’ve received from working with this principle - even with my own snarky misconceptions and resistance - it is this: The Law of Attraction is about taking responsibility for your life - your thoughts, your actions, your speech. Accepting that responsibility is pure freedom.

Pure freedom is knowing your life is in your hands - whether that be your thoughts, your actions, your translation of the situation, what you choose to believe, or what you choose to say to other people.

Pure freedom is knowing no one else can define your joy, your light, your delight, your success, and your abundance. You define those things for yourself. You choose them.

Pure freedom is knowing if you created the things that you don’t like about your life, then you can create something different. There’s only one place you need begin - inside of you.

Pure freedom is knowing that you can keep choosing this over and over again, instead of waiting for something outside of you to rescue you. You can try a different action, a different thought, a new approach.

Taking responsibility for your life is not a burden. Taking responsibility for your life is liberating. Being clear about who you want to be and what you want to do and then moving in that direction is powerful work indeed. It will teach you that the limitations you experience are more about your insides than about the world out there.

You get to choose how to think, plain and simple. It takes constant and compassionate practice, for sure. But when you start to understand the feeling of freedom, you’ll know why so many people believe in the value of this work.

This is Part Three in this series on the snarkiest (and most common) ways we misinterpret the Law of Attraction.

Quick Review:

The first misconception is about blame. Many people think that they are being “blamed” if they’ve attracted something “bad” into their lives. They think that the Law of Attraction implies fault.

The second misconception is making it a part time thing. We remember Law of Attraction when something good happens. But we claim it doesn’t really “work” when something “bad” happens.

So, this brings us to the third snarkiest misconception about the Law of Attraction…

#3 - Making the Law of Attraction about reward and punishment. Taking it personally.

Let’s say you work in an office with two great people — John and Sheila. Spring has sprung, and today it’s going up to 75 degrees. The three of you grab a bag lunch and drive to a scenic overlook to enjoy the warm sunlight.

When you finish lunch, John stands up, looks beyond the overlook, and says, “Let’s test gravity.” He hurls himself over the edge. As you watch him crash and tumble his way to the bottom of the mountain, you look over at Sheila and say, “Wow. That’s so weird. I always thought John was a good person.” Sheila watches the last rocks tumble behind John and says, “Dude. Gravity is SO not working for him today.”

——————————

Many people call the Law of Attraction a “spiritual principle.” I find that it’s helpful if I simply see it as a Law. Like the Law of Gravity. It just IS. It’s not personal. It has nothing to do with being a good person. It has nothing to do with getting rewards or punishments any more than the Law of Gravity means that good people won’t fall downward.

Certainly, we all know that when we’re centered, present, and feeling good, we attract smiling people, and life flows nicely. Even driving is easier.

But it’s not because we are behaving as “good” people should behave, playing the I’m a spiritual person game. It’s because of our present moment awareness and openness.

Too many people approach the Law of Attraction by trying to be good people. Then they end up resentful and self-righteous because it “didn’t work.” And besides, there’s all those “bad” people out there getting Jaguars and big homes!

I know someone who is making huge changes in her life now. She’s working with the Law of Attraction while letting go of an abusive relationship. Overall, she’s making great progress. Lately, however, things haven’t gone so well. Some old challenging stuff showed up. In the midst of her anguish, she said, “Why me? I’m not a bad person. I’m a good person. I’m really trying here!”

We all know that feeling, of course. But here’s the thing:

The Law of Attraction is not a system of rewards and punishments. The feeling that we’ve “been good so why isn’t this working?” is just rollover minutes from all the time we spent in religions that came fully equipped with a capricious and vindictive God who was either pleased with us or not. This is an old disempowering belief system.

Let go of the habit of thinking the Law of Attraction “works” or “doesn’t work” depending on whether or not we are good people. A law is a law. If you don’t want to believe in it, that’s completely fair and fine. But if you think it has anything to do with you being “nice” or “good,” then you might find yourself disappointed over and over again.

The Law of Attraction is about how you think. It’s about clarity and focus. It’s about training yourself and your mind to focus on the positive outcomes you want in your life. It’s as basic as an athlete visualizing the upcoming game in her mind, and then heading out to the field with clarity and focus. She knows how the game is going to go. She doesn’t walk out onto the field and tell her teammates that she’s been a good person today and that they should expect a big win.

This is a lifetime practice for sure.

Let’s be clear though. I’m not saying that kindness isn’t a good thing. True kindness, however, isn’t done for rewards. True kindness is heart-centered action that comes from a place of openness and gratitude. If you have self-righteous or whiney thoughts about what a good person you are, and that better things should happen for you, then you might want to be brave. Take a courageous step and look at the belief behind those thoughts because most likely, it’s making you miserable. Self-righteousness (the whiney kind or the aggressive kind) is a massive energy drain.

In the end, it’s not about good and bad. It’s not personal. It’s about where your energy is going. It’s about your attention and focus. When your attention is on gossiping and colluding, then it’s focusing on negativity. When your energy is going to complaining or jealousy, then it’s not feeding you or your dreams. When your thoughts and your energy are in the present moment, delighting in the now, grateful for your life while being able to envision and believe in goals and dreams, then you’ll not only attract great things - but you’ll naturally be a kind person who is powerfully present to all other beings on the planet.

Gravity, however, will still apply.