Someone I know is dealing with an abusive client. After a recent violent outburst, this person is panicked. She’s wondering how she could attract anyone so horrible into her business and what she can do to change this energy and create a more positive environment.

Now, I’m a big fan of clear communication, correcting mistakes, and apologizing in situations when you’ve messed up. That’s the first place to start.

And if you’re a reader of this blog, then you know I regularly refer to the Law of Attraction and similar approaches to daily life.

After that, three thoughts come to mind:

The first thought is about Wonder Woman.

It’s oh-so tempting to think that because you’re a “conscious” person, or because you understand Law of Attraction, that you now have to slog through every negative situation in your life in order to figure out how you “attracted it” and how you might “heal from it.”

I call this Superhero Thinking.

We’re certain that we could transform any situation if we could only use our powers of thought in the perfect and right ways.

Sometimes, however, this isn’t the best choice. Often, it makes us stay in bad relationships, draining friendships, and hurtful jobs to prove that we are able to leap tall negativity in a single bound.

It will benefit you, your dog, your children, your friends and the entire planet if you get over this as quickly as possible.

I spent two years talking with business coaches and reading management books trying to change myself so that I could deal with an abusive employee. At first, she was a star in my office. But as time wore on, she became angry and lashed out when she didn’t like the decisions I was making about my music career. It was painful. And I tried hard to make it work because, after all, I knew about these spiritual principles.

Finally, I did the wisest and most conscious thing I could do.

I fired her.

We may think we have super powers and that if we could just get healthy enough then we can transform a negative situation — but sometimes the best answer is to take off the orange cape and mask and simply let go.

The second thought is about fear.

Often, the real issue is not about what we’ve attracted. The real issue is why we won’t let it go. The real issue is that we’re scared. We think we need this client, this employee, this boyfriend, this job, this gig.

We think these external things are the source. The source of our money. The source of our joy. The source of our productivity. So, we become attached to them.

That’s when things get wonky.

We convince ourselves it’s about changing our thoughts and working with the negativity we’ve attracted. But really, it’s about addressing our fear of lack and our misguided attachment to something outside of us.

The third thought is about water-skiing.

When I started water-skiing, I’d get my balance and then immediately lurch forward, slamming face-first onto the lake. Then, in spite of all the water-skiing wisdom anyone had ever offered, I’d hold onto the handle for dear life as the boat dragged me several hundred feet across the lake on my stomach.

Now, the problem was not that I attracted bad experiences as I learned to water ski. The problem wasn’t that the boat was mean to me, or that the lake was evil, forcing me to swallow much of its contents.

The problem was that I wouldn’t let go of the handle.

It’s the same thing in life. Sometimes you have to stop asking how you could possibly attract this and recognize that you’re the one holding onto it.

The laws of creativity apply to everything - not just to works of art.

The gift of practicing art is that it teaches the creator how to create, and how to be a creator. Over and over again, the artist learns the process of making things - including the obstacles that arise, the futility of forcing the flow, and the joy of allowing inspiration. This practice has been nothing less than revolutionary in my own life.

That’s because I grew up learning more about Getting than I did about Creating. And I’m not alone in that. Most of the life lessons we’ve all learned are about Getting.

We gotta get rich, get approved, get things from people, get a job, get a life, get laid, get publicity, get someone to do something, get approval, get high, get married, get a loan, get good grades, get a clue, get into college, get up, get down, get out.

Get it?

Getting is an epidemic. It makes us grab at life. It takes us out of the present moment. It makes us powerless. It forces us to manipulate our own spirits so that we can manipulate the situation. Getting requires that we use our precious creative power to get, rather than to use it for its primary purpose, which is to Create. When we misue this power, we become contorted. We block the flow. The focus is on “out there” rather than “in here.”

When we become Creators, we turn the whole thing around. Everything becomes an inside job. We experience true power. We create our lives.

One of the people in my six-week e-Seminar set her intention for wealth and money during the first week. She is now going through a huge awakening about her relationship to money and to her father. She realizes that her dad has been her source of money, and so she has spent most of her life looking to him, resenting him, and playing games with him to get her money. She never learned that there was any other way to do it.

As a beginning step, I asked her to imagine what it would feel like if she knew she could create her own money and generate prosperity for herself. I asked her what it would feel like to not need her dad’s money.

It was the first time she’d ever explored that possibility. She said it would be amazing and liberating. It would allow her to have a relationship with her dad on her own terms.

Stepping out of the mindset of Getting and into the mindset of Creating heals relationships. It will also heal your life. When you don’t need to Get things from other people (including your happiness), then you can allow them to be who they are and make their own choices. You can request things, of course. But the energy of this is very different from trying to Get something.

Think of one thing that you’ve been trying to get. What it would feel like to become a creator instead? How would your actions be different?

Many years ago, I took a step back from touring. I needed perspective. I wanted to deepen my approach to my music career and my songwriting.

I took workshops and got lots of mentoring. I tried to get clear about why I was doing music at all. I wanted to uncover my deepest motivations. Mostly I wanted to be free of my ego and do nothing in my life that was motivated by fear or neediness.

But there was this one slight problem.

I couldn’t get rid of the fear or the neediness. I couldn’t get rid of the ego stuff.

I explored the deepest parts of myself and found that, indeed, I had some beautiful intentions when I began my music career. I wanted to inspire people. I wanted to encourage and heal people. I wanted people to feel uplifted the way I felt uplifted when I left certain concerts.

But along side of that stuff, I also had these really embarrassing prom-queen-like motivations. They said things like, “Screw healing! I want approval!” It was clear that these voices were every bit as much a part of my motivation as my more noble intentions.

So, I told myself that I wasn’t going to do music anymore until those needy, smarmy, prom-queen, ego voices went away forever.

I find this hysterically funny now. So, I imagine, did my mentor at the time.

Recently, I’ve received several emails from women who are watching Eckhart and Oprah every week. They are concerned that they shouldn’t be setting intentions or having dreams because they notice that they can’t get their egos out of these intentions and dreams.

I tell them the very thing I discovered for myself…

You don’t have to.

When I finally did decide to go forward with my music, I allowed for both parts of me to go along for the ride. My noble wise self with her beautiful deep intentions. And my needy, grasping, approval-seeking self who wanted spotlights, applause and to get back at anyone who ever hurt her. The two could live side by side.

As I moved forward, I allowed my career to teach me how to live in the deeper self more often, creating lighter and better directions for me. I also let my needy self teach me how to expand beyond those old patterns and fears, and how to accept them when they arose. To say it wasn’t always easy is a giant understatement.

Sometimes taking action is the very thing that can help all that ego stuff burn away slowly. If you can stay present and watch yourself make choices and take actions with a clear awareness of what fuels you, then you’ll keep on growing and learning. Sitting and waiting for enlightenment is, in my humble opinion, a limiting option.

I thought I could do this. I thought I could wait for a more enlightened version of myself to show up before I did anything else ever again. Mostly I was desperate. I wanted to never feel pain again, and enlightenment felt like a good way out - sort of like a spiritual martini.

Experience has taught me to relish the path and take action anyway. It has taught me that spiritual perfectionism is every bit as insane as my old eating disorder perfectionism. The action I’ve taken, in spite of ego, has made all the difference. Those ego voices are only a tiny part of my life now. They show up on occasion and have lots to say, but I don’t try to get rid of them.

Alison Lee has a wildly popular podcast called Craftcast. She’s all about creativity, crafting, art, music, and writing. She’s also a great interviewer. Her guests have ranged from best-selling authors like SARK to celebrated musicians like Gabrielle Roth to fabulous artists like Claudine Hellmuth. I am honored to be her guest on this week’s Craftcast Podcast. Our conversation is a lot about creativity, a little about building a career, and all about being a pioneer.

Click here to listen.

This is Part 6 of a series called “The Six Snarkiest Misconceptions about the Law of Attraction.”

Click on these links to read: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5

Here is the sixth (and final!) misconception about the Law of Attraction:

#6 - You’re on Your Own

Even though consciousness is a personal journey and Law of Attraction is about your inner thoughts and feelings, the support of others is crucial.

One of the reasons I offer retreats and e-Seminars is because groups create velocity. The group intent becomes its own force, providing more movement, more clarity and more connection. I’ve seen this time and time again. Connection and support ground us and center us. It also helps to have someone else remind you on your bad days that you are powerful, that you are doing great, and that this is just a bad day, and not the truth! (For more on bad days, click here.)

I’m convinced that had I not taken classes and been surrounded by like-minded friends this path would have been slower and harder. At any given time, I could reach out to someone who was working with these principles, and they could see my mental chatter for exactly what it was - which, of course, helped me do the same.

Remember that reaching out, although uncomfortable for some, is an act of committment. You can choose to take a chance and start a group or try out a class that you never dreamed you’d take. Why not?

My rule of thumb is this: If feeling stupid or uncomfortable is the worst thing that could happen, then why not try it if it means I might create wonderful things? Why not risk an embarrassed ego for an expanded spirit?

Here are 5 ways to get support:

1 - Start a Great Big Dreams group or partnership.

Meet once a week for six months. Decide then if you want to keep it going. Meet to check in, read a text aloud, or write down an affirmation for each person to work with each week. Share your Ah-Ha! moments, as well as little victories. Have a 5-minute whining allowance at each meeting. (Some amount of whining might be needed at first. Be compassionate.) Make sure that the listeners don’t get hooked by the whininess, (which could turn into an out-and-out griping session) and that each person learns how to ask empowering questions like, “How would you like to feel about this situation?” “What thoughts would be more empowering than those you just spoke?”

A once-a-week check-in is such a great support system to have in place. You might have a bad day on a Friday, and actually feel some relief just knowing that on Monday night you’ll be able to check back in with people who can help you shift your state.

2 - Take a class or workshop

Religious Science Centers are wonderful places to start. Religious Science - also called Science of Mind - is the law of attraction. The name is a sticking point for some folks - as it conjures up images of Scientology and Tom Cruise. It’s not the same thing, I assure you!

I took classes for three years at the Center for Creative Living here in Asheville, and I remain friends with many of the other people who were in my classes. Unity Churches, New Age Bookstores, UU Churches and Yoga Centers are all great places to start. People drive three hours to take the classes at the Center for Creative Living here in Asheville.

3 - Books and audiobooks

I’m a huge fan of audiobooks. I highly recommend joining audible.com. (Click on the button to check out their plans.) You can pay for a bunch of books up front and then download them whenever you need a little motivation or entertainment.

Use the wisdom and inspiration of those who have gone before you. That’s why they write. You might not agree with everything they say - but this is one way to fill your mind with thoughts and ideas that aren’t all your old crappy negative patterned thoughts. You’ll hear (or read) how others have shifted their lives, and maybe you’ll get some new ideas for yourself. If you drive a lot, then make your car into your classroom. I used to perform about 250 dates a year - and I was on the road constantly. I looked at my car as the classroom and loaded up on audiobooks. I consider some of those authors my biggest mentors.

4 - Read aloud to your partner

This works best if your partner, husband or wife is also open to these ideas. It’s not a great idea to push this on someone who is resistant. Don’t force it. My husband and I got into the practice of reading to each other every morning after the gym. We’d get up super early, work out, come home and read for about 20 minutes from a variety of books. Even a small amount of inspiration can do wonders to remind you of these ideas before you start your day. And it will also help you be better supporters of each other.

If you are on a sabbatical from spouses and partners alike, you can always read to your dog. She’ll completely understand this stuff. (After all, she attracted YOU, didn’t she?)

5 - Prayer

I love prayer. Of course, it’s good to make sure that your own judgments aren’t fueling your prayers. (i.e, “Lord, please let Debbie find a man who will take care of her.” Versus “I simply know that Debbie is strong and prosperous and that she is always happy and deeply at peace, and that the perfect and right people are attracted to her at all times. Thank you for this.”) At my retreats, I create a prayer list of names and requests from anyone who writes to me - and each person is included with the group energy during our retreats. I do the same thing with the e-Seminars for each participant.

The Law of Attraction is a lot about thoughts, so most people don’t associate it with prayer. But, there’s a lot of mystery in our lives. We don’t always know for sure exactly why certain things happen. Most of us are pretty aware of some form of the divine in our lives. Maybe you know for certain that everything is spirit. Or maybe you’re not quite there yet, but you’ve experienced great miracles. Maybe you don’t believe in God, but you’re quite aware that love is a powerful force for change. It doesn’t matter what the cynics say, prayer is a powerful way to reach out and wake up and move away from your ego with all of its “me against the music” mindsets. How you pray might evolve as you do this work. And your sense of what you’re praying to might also evolve. But prayer is a way to expand beyond just your ego and all of the voices it manufactures. This can do wonders for your growth.