Comments on: How Do You Forgive Someone?

By: David R

David R — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 15:44:41 +0000

Chistine,
I want you to feel very good about yourself right now, the very moment you read this. You explained what I need to do very clearly, I can understand what is being said. You have helped me so much because I am in a very dark place right now, looking to find some light and rejoin the living.
How do I deal with all the regret that is coming from all the forgiving I am doing now. The people I need to forgive are not all at fault … I have a large part in the fault. Now I live in the past with all the regret and it hurts very badly to recognize all the loss i can’t go back and fix.

By: Katherine(changing my name to Katherine/ME because I see there is more than one K here!

Tue, 16 Oct 2007 12:01:32 +0000

wanted to offer info about The Option Institute. This is a beautiful place in western MA where I first learned about the idea of Judgement. Spent a weekend with a group of people and I think all of us got it, in our own way, in our own time. My big break through came with extreme laughter at every thought I had and how that was a judgement. It was such freedom!
I learned in my late teens that having an opinion which translated to me as having a judgement, showed intellegence. So, being mindful that I wanted to come across intellegent, I was very judgemental.
I like the idea of unconscious vs conscious… (fear vs love, not allowing vs allowing). Sadly, the magic of that weekend some 10 years ago faded and I did not practice what I learned. But, this is all part of the journey. Thanks for helping me find my way back. I am still a bit lost in the woods, but I do believe I can see the path on which I want to be.
Anyway, the website is optioninstitute.com. Perhaps Christine, you could be a guest speaker there, or sing(!), or something. I have a sense you would loooooovvvvve it there and the folks who run the program. It is worth researching. They do a wonderful service for many people.
Peace,
Katherine

By: Katherine

Katherine — Mon, 15 Oct 2007 18:05:29 +0000

Colin sounds like my partner and I wish i sounded as eloquent in my beliefs as Christine. Conversations (no, I mean conversations that turn into debate) about Judgement I have a hard time sustaining. He just doesn’t get it and I end up getting annoyed, every time, and feel like I am defending myself. Colin reminds me, perhaps that I need to practice more forgiveness??????Grrrrrrrrr

By: Goddess of Leonie

Goddess of Leonie — Fri, 21 Sep 2007 03:34:20 +0000

thank you for this.
i am willing to forgive.
i am willing to forgive.
i am willing to forgive her, and i am willing to forgive me.

By: Self Improvement and Law of Attraction Link Love, Volume 29 | Today is that Day

Sat, 15 Sep 2007 03:17:53 +0000

[...] style of giving great advice that people can truly internalize, Christine answers the question How Do You Forgive Someone? by starting and ending with the only person that the forgiveness is really all about – [...]

By: Brad

Brad — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 15:47:26 +0000

Hey Christine,

I haven’t posted a comment in awhile. I’ve been busy with my alpha-male stuff…the start of football season, annual “guys weekend”, etc.! All important stuff in it’s own right.

But I just wanted to take a second to let you know that I am glad you are here! Your words and music do have an impact!

I’ve always loved this quote by Marianne Williamson:

“Forgiveness is NOT what happens when someone has done something wrong, but you in your spiritual superiority have the magnanimity to forgive. That is not forgiveness, but judgment—supercilious and, at its core, self-righteous. REAL forgiveness, from a metaphysical perspective, means we realize that only love is real. The key to forgiveness is not to seek the innocence of the beloved but to assume the innocence of the beloved. Within each of us there is an innocent place, unchanged by our mistakes.”

By: Christine Kane

Christine Kane — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 13:34:00 +0000

Thanks Chrissie, for your own experiences. I imagine that you’ll continue to evolve in your relationship with these ideas as you do have children!

Sue – I really don’t have a clear answer for this issue – at least not one that can fit in the comments. Like all kinds of forgiveness, I think that self-forgiveness has so many levels and paths to it. And may even go beyond the notion of “forgiveness.” I’ll try to articulate it into a post – but I’m not sure when!

colin – since you and i have had our share of theological debates in the past late at night after shows, it’s a little hard to go into this in the comments. I actually do think that judgment is closing one’s mind – and maybe that’s just how I’ve experienced it in my life among academics. I agree that we all judge – AND I find that I am most alive and in the moment when I can allow everything in and just accept the moment and each person for what it is and who they are. So, my experience of judgment is that it is THE block to living in the moment. Respectfully, I disagree wtih you about the core of religions. Granted, I am not the scholar that you are – but in my own personal experience and reading and studies – I have found there to be several core truths contained at the foundation of every religion – when the ego messages are peeled away. This post wasn’t about Catholic bashing at all — it happens that my experience of forgiveness was heavily molded by an experience I had in the Catholic church, in which I was steeped for 21 years of my life. I can’t exactly offer a Jewish perspective if I am to write about my own perspectives of forgiveness, can I? I apologize if I made a poor assessment of your consciousness – I just noticed that phrases like “cafeteria religions,” etc seem to take the energy of dialogue and turn it into something different – as if the thoughts of the people here are somehow “less than.”

By: Colin

Colin — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 13:00:59 +0000

Implying that making a “judgement” is the same as closing one’s mind is silly and an a fallacious argument. We all judge, (that boy is NOT going out with my daughter; most music buisness people will NEVER understand what it is to be an artist; Colin is being harsh)and it is even sillier to say that all religions are basically the same at the core because a cursory look will tell you that they are not. Why do you view challenging another person’s worldview, since they “put it out there” publicly, as a challenge to their right to become conscious? It’s not even a Christian thing (by the way…Catholic-bashing is cliche and a narrow argument, and I’m not even Catholic); it’s a critical thought thing. Good grief, is it “if someone does not agree with you then they are against growth? Challenging is all about growth. Using the “J” word (judgement, in a negative sense) is a cheap shot and a poor assessment of my “consciousness”.

By: Sue

Sue — Thu, 13 Sep 2007 16:51:20 +0000

Ok, am I allowed to leave a reply twice in one day? (I’m supposed to be writing something for work, but this is much more important and fun!)Here’s my question..why is it that I can forgive nearly unspeakable things ‘done to me’ by others (ya know after years of wallowing in self-pity ) but I find it hardest to forgive myself? I guess it is when I am already in a mood to review my latest ‘bad moments’ tape, but sometimes it is deeper than that maybe. Why are we hardest on ourselves? Am I purely a product of my also catholic guilt-infested upbringing? I so appreciated the chalk board-soul-CCD memory by the way!

By: Chrissie DiAngelus

Chrissie DiAngelus — Thu, 13 Sep 2007 16:28:17 +0000

Ok, well, my kids (someday) will likely NOT attend CCD!!! I always thought those CCD kids got off scot free! An hour a week vs. my tortured hour per day?? Uh, Catholic education – it left me all sorts of confused on things by the time I reached college (particularly God’s forgiveness).

Interestingly, I went to St. Joe’s University, a Jesuit school and it was there, mixed in with a few required theology classes, conversations with the priests, philosophers, and getting involved in service activities that my views on God, forgiveness, and spirituality really began to take shape.

I’m so grateful for those 4 years because they not only challenged my academically, but emotionally, mentally and spiritually and gave me more of a foundation on which to stand than I ever had at my Catholic grade school and high school. I learned how to look inside myself during my 20s and make choices to not be a victim anymore – when a slew of related issues gave way to hurt, self doubt, insecurity and continuously feeling like a victim.

All of this took place over the course of 5 years and overlapped my college years but it still took me a lot of time during those years to forgive – others and myself (because I internalized EVERYTHING and blamed myself and figured a million ways I could have controlled the outcome). Once my anger subsided, I always had the willingness to forgive and let go of bitterness and anger surrounding so many hurtful times, to remember better moments, and remind myself that there was some reason I went through it (and because I believe in cycles, that if things were meant to come around again, they would and we’d all be better people). Truthfully, that was the easy part. Forgiving myself, learning to let go, to move forward, to grieve but not internalize – were my challenges because it was so easy for me to feel that somehow I was to blame, to assume no one else understood, or that some truth needed to be conveyed or that I was owed something.

My greatest freedom came when I was OK with forgiveness (of someone and myself) being the closure. This is a great post with terrific comments — leaves much to consider and think about