Is THAT What You’re Going to Wear?

So, there’s a party. I’m getting ready. I’m wearing this great muted-orange loose-knit long sweater over a camisole and jeans. I put on make-up and my cool wedge-y heel sandals. My hair is a mess, as usual. Oh well. I’m ready to go. My husband is waiting downstairs. I stand in front of the mirror. And just like every single night like this of my life, I hear my mother’s voice‚Ķ

“Is THAT what you’re going to wear?”

Is it me? Or does this happen to anyone else? No matter how old you are, or how long it’s been since you’ve lived in your parents’ house, those words will follow you around like lint for the rest of your days!

I never felt like I knew how to dress. I knew what I liked on other people. I knew the styles that appealed to me. But being the artist type, I couldn’t figure out how to budget for fashion when I knew nothing about it. So, I just threw on jeans and an old sweatshirt most of the time. (My favorite is a Boston College sweatshirt that I bought in about ‘91. It’s tattered. I still wear it a lot. In fact, my assistant looked up at me as I was heading out to Nashville for my last photo shoot, and she sighed and said, “Are you going to wear your Boston College sweatshirt for the photos?” Wouldn’t you know it? She and my mom are the same enneagram number.)

I just figured that other people were lucky. That other people were born knowing how to do it. How to dress. Or that they had some kind of professional help. So I resigned myself to jeans and sweatshirts.

I also had this weird idea about “dressing nicely.” I used to think “dressing nicely” was about looking the way my parents would want me to look. I always assumed that if I started “dressing nicely,” I’d have to shop at Talbots, and wear those thick scratchy short jackets with the big gold buttons. And the stiff high-waisted pants and boring flat shoes. Or if not Talbots or Ann Taylor, it’d be the very drape-y clothing of the Asheville elite‚Ķkind of Eileen Fisher meets Stevie Nicks. And I just knew I couldn’t go there either. I don’t do scarves well.

Then, when I was on the road one time, I saw an episode of What Not To Wear. (The American version. I hear the British version is better, but I haven’t seen it. I don’t have a television!) What Not To Wear became this thing I secretly loved watching in my hotel rooms. I was certain that if I were ever on that show, I’d be one of the women who ends up weeping in the dressing room. I never liked shopping.

That’s all changing now. And I know this might seem like a superficial thing to write about in my blog that’s all about taking risks, and living consciously, and being creative, and following your passion‚Ķ

But it’s not superficial! It’s actually the opposite. It’s like when I learned Quicken. That simple step gave me back so much of the energy I had wasted in worrying about my business finances. Once you get how to think about your clothing and your closets and all the mysteries therein, your energy is freed up for the things that you are good at. And when you feel good about what you’re wearing, you aren’t tugging at your ass or your collar or your sleeves. You’re not looking around to see if anyone is noticing how crappy you look, or getting thoroughly thrown off when you bump into someone you used to date.

The other thing about dressing well for your type is about intent. I know that I raised all kinds of holy ruckus among my readers in my last posts about giving up coffee, but the foundation of all of these posts is intent. My intent is to live consciously and with clarity in all that I do. So, giving up coffee aligns with that for me. I also want to be inspiring and encouraging and abundant and healing. I don’t feel like I’m any of those things if I’m so confused in my own fashion sense that I can’t muster up any more energy than a sweatshirt and jeans‚Ķ

In this pursuit, I’ve discovered some books out there on this very topic. My friend Marty told me about them. (She may be hell on a cell phone, but she’s a fabulous dresser.) I’m letting you know about my three favorites because I’m going to assume that there are lots of you out there who hear the “Is that what you’re going to wear?” voice.

Brenda Kinsel, Brenda’s Wardrobe Companion: A Guide to Getting Dressed From the Inside Out.

Brenda Kinsel actually has four books. I suggest you visit her website and see if any of the others appeal to you instead of, or in addition to this one.

I like Brenda’s Wardrobe Companion because it takes sort of an Artist’s Way approach to wardrobe. It goes deeper than the other two books below. She assigns writing exercises in each chapter, and she even has you do a vision board. The idea is that you do lots of work on your own insides, and you get very clear before you head out to shop.

Brenda Kinsel is a very compassionate fashion consultant, and her writing style is delightful and real. She understands (unlike the bitchy duo on What Not To Wear) how wounded many women are around body image and clothing.

She says, I’ve heard every reason imaginable why women think they can’t have a great relationship with their wardrobes. Well, maybe not every reason. Maybe you’ll have one I haven’t heard of yet. It doesn’t matter. You can bring me bushels and bushels of reasons why you can’t have what you want, and I will bring in semi-truckloads of reasons why you can.

She also has a theory on pricing that mirrors my own. She discusses the value of paying full price for something you really love, and that you’ll wear again and again, versus buying stuff on sale that you don’t love. This book will make you feel like you found a friend who is dedicated to helping you have an easier time of dressing yourself and finding your style.

Jesse Garza and Joe Lupo, Nothing to Wear? A Five-Step Cure for the Common Closet

This is a simple and straightforward book. I like it a lot. It’s similar to Brenda Kinsel’s book in that you do some of your own writing and exploring to define your own style before you do anything else.

The two authors name five different style types‚Ķ Classic, Chic, Whimsical, Bohemian, and Avant-Garde. Readers take a test to determine their type. (Many women are a combination of two styles. I’m Bohemian-Chic. That is, when I’m not wearing the Boston College sweatshirt. Unfortunately, Self-Employed-Frump is not one of the styles listed. Damn!)

(Here’s the value of taking the test. I had originally thought I might be “Whimsical,” but one of the examples they gave of “Whimsical” was Kate Hudson. Now, I met Kate Hudson backstage at a festival where I was performing. She was about 8-and-a-half months pregnant, and she was wearing a purple thong, which was very visible blossoming up from under her Ultra-Low-Rise, Only-in-Hollywood Maternity pants. (And I might add, it was, indeed, whimsical!) Needless to say, I did not test as “Whimsical.”)I’m sure there are people for whom this is no-brainer clothing stuff. But it was a big eye-opener for me. Garza and Lupo provide lots of little tips about clearing out your closet and arranging your closet and buying new items. Again, things I never thought about.

Be warned about one thing: Garza and Lupo mention being okay with your body type. It’s sort of an after thought. But it’s there. However, all of the illustrations depict impossibly skinny girls (like, skinnier than the cast of Friends skinny) looking very elegant. That got a little tiresome.

Even so, I highly recommend this book.

Kim France and Andrea Linett, The Lucky Shopping Manual: Building and Improving Your Wardrobe Piece by Piece

Written by the Editor-in-Chief and Creative Director of the popular Lucky Magazine, this book is a reference guide. It’s got lots of how-to advice. It moves chapter by chapter through each clothing item (pants, skirts, shirts, etc), and tells you how to match things up, how to do it on a budget and ways to accessorize. There lots of pictures which makes it easy to flip through and reference. It’ll probably be dated within a few years though!

The combination of these three books has been good for me. They’ve helped me learn to think about my clothing, instead of just reacting emotionally to the idea of shopping. It was a little daunting at first, especially after I realized that I loved nothing of what I owned. But I’m starting to get it. And I’m starting to get good at it. Much to the dismay of my Boston College sweatshirt. (It likes to be worn.)

Tagged as: Being an Artist, Career, Recommended Reading

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