Comments on: [Part 2] Creating College: 5 Things I Wish I Knew as an Undergrad

By: Clay

Clay — Wed, 28 Jan 2009 23:22:25 +0000

Hey Christine, I am a freshman in college and found this post linked from a blog. It truly hit home with me especially the part about worrying about disapproval from adults and feeling pressured into following their advice just because they are adults. I’ve had problems with that my whole life and I’m really inspired that someone followed their heart and did what they wanted to do.

You are an example to live up to.

Thank you.

By: Holly

Holly — Thu, 18 Sep 2008 01:06:35 +0000

Christine,

I can’t agree more, especially with point 5. I have spent precious energy and life-time seeking approval and then feeling badly when it 1. didn’t come or 2. didn’t come in the form I wanted it to come in. It has been a waste of my precious resources. I hope that the students took your message to heart.

By: cynthia

cynthia — Mon, 15 Sep 2008 15:50:58 +0000

While I know you wrote this for new undergrads – I’m going to share your post with my 10 year old daughter. It’s sort of scary how by this age, she is already aware of “cool” – fashion, music, kids at school, etc. My goal for her is to have a voice, and while it’s okay to say, “Yeah, this is cool,” if she really thinks it is, I also want her to say, “No – not for me, I don’t really like this/that/or the other even if everyone else does.” I know it’s hard to do because in some ways, I was that kid going with the flow, afraid to speak for fear of disapproval or looking like a big dork. I didn’t find my voice till I was well into my 30’s.

For my first try at college, I was standing in the registrar’s line (before computer registration) and while chit chatting in line discussing what we were going to major in, I still had no clue what I wanted to do with my life. One of my room mates knew she wanted to major in business, so I thought that would be good for me too. After muddling through two semesters of business classes and re-taking accounting II two semesters in a row, I dropped out. I went back to school in my 30’s with much clearer knowledge of myself and what a difference that makes.

In one sense, I failed early on and what a good life lesson that was in hind sight – so maybe there’s no time line for learning. I just wish this had clicked for me earlier in life. But, I can’t worry about the past or future – I can only be here in the now.

By: Sarah

Sarah — Mon, 15 Sep 2008 12:21:09 +0000

Hey Christine! Just wanted you to know that I took an opportunity last Friday evening to share your wisdom with about 15 undergrads who work in my library. It felt really good to pass it along to those who really need it! The timing was cosmic! Thanks!

By: Susie Monday

Susie Monday — Sun, 14 Sep 2008 21:10:29 +0000

It’s ok to suck, and it’s even ok to fail horribly at something. Lose money, even. Lose face. Now this doesn’t mean it’s ok to lose your common sense in the face of dangerous situations — and I’ve gotten myself into more than one of those in and since college. But, that usually occurred when I refused to listen to my inner wisdom about a person, a situation, an environment —. So suck, fail, trip on your face, but try to listen to and follow that small still voice that keeps you on course, unharmed and alive.

By: Sue

Sue — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 02:43:42 +0000

Thanks for this as I will soon launch into a world of suckness at work in a seemingly ‘over my head’ project. I already know I will learn so much from it, but feel I’ll need to wear a disclaimer about how I’ll suck for awhile, but will keep my head up to learn. Like you said, there is no THERE. Very good insight as always!

By: Mindful Mimi

Mindful Mimi — Thu, 11 Sep 2008 20:52:18 +0000

Thanks for sharing this. Great piece.
Discomfort is good and I am still learning to revel in it. But I usually get bored quickly so I do search for challenges and new things.

The hardest part (at least for me) was the ‘cutting the umbilical cord with the parents’ thing – how invisible or unnoticed you might think it is. I’m almost 40 and still want my parents to be proud of me. I still find it hard to deal with my dad and stand up to him. And it wasn’t until I was about 32 and met the man of my life who had ‘cut his parents cord in order to find his independant true self’ that I saw that I was blaming everything that was wrong in my life on my parents. That I was still letting them ‘rule’ too much of what I was doing and how I was doing it. So I stood up. It was tough. There were some silent weeks. And then it was ok again and I felt relieved, independant, grown-up

It is good to share these kind of thoughts with younger people.
Thanks.
Mimi

By: Christine Kane

Christine Kane — Thu, 11 Sep 2008 17:28:14 +0000

Thanks to everyone for extra thoughts–

as for sucking…

it’s funny because i’m writing this during our lunch break as i do a creativity training day. and occasionally i have flashbacks to my first few times doing this – and how bad i was! (me + powerpoint = notsomuch.)

and now, it’s just a total joy and SO easy to me. but i had to go through about 4 rounds of this in total discomfort!

By: i let it go

i let it go — Thu, 11 Sep 2008 16:08:27 +0000

ROCKIN’ post! I’ve loved these last two! I wish I had known/heard this back in high school, college, grad school. I’ve finally been learning those lessons on my own in the past year, and it’s great to have it reinforced (or put into words) by you in such a positive way.
Following my heart is much more rewarding (and the feeling lasts a LOT longer) than someone else’s “approval”. I’m glad you were able to share this with new college students.

By: KatherineME

KatherineME — Wed, 10 Sep 2008 22:40:53 +0000

My son is a high school senior this year, gearing up to apply to liberal arts colleges. Be, do have, following and trusting your delights–these ideas have been on the tip of my tongue but I have been unable to but them into words as clear as yours. So, I am just going to have him read it!
I love your advice about giving permission to suck. How liberating!
I am learning a new song on my guitar–like the first new song in ah, 5 years maybe, and I suck, and IT’S OK! And it is fun, too. Thanks for reminding me about the fun part.