*set limits*

chances are we all have situations within our family that helps us to realize we’re all a bit dysfunctional. whether its alcoholic family members, people who insist on hogging all of the attention at the expense of everyone else, the

decide what family issues you’re willing to put up with and which you will not. if a behaviour starts up that you’ve decided to not put up with, let the people involved know you will not remain with them if the behaviour continues. no need to make a big production over it, just simply state your position — and be willing to back it up with action if it continues.

chances are, even your decision causes something of a row, some members of the family will come to respect you for doing what they wish they’d done it themselves.

(after all, you can’t control the actions of others, just your responses to them)

*spend time with your chosen family*

these all sound like classic problems with the family you were born into. due to time, distance and having created my own family, i haven’t spent much time with the family i was born into for quite a while. (i still love them, but the distance helps at times, too) my christmases are spent with the people i -choose- to spend christmas with. there’s no sense of guilt-ridden obligation to spend it with them; these are the people i truly love and want to be with.

if for whatever reason you feel the need to spend the holidays with your birth family and wish you weren’t, try to plan out time before you leave and after you return to be with your chosen family. they probably would like the time with you, too!

*leave the country*

now wait — i’m serious here. planning a vacation can be equally stressful, but we found that leaving the country for christmas was a fantastic vacation. it’s a real chance to experience another culture. if it’s a largely christian nation, you’ll get to see how they do christmas; if not, you’ll get to experience keeping christmas in your heart and not rely on all of the outward, commercial trappings.

your family will likely scratch their heads and put up a fuss, but just smile and say the tickets have been paid for and you’ll give them a call from ___________ on christmas day.

(sure this one is a bit radical, but sometimes the more distance the better!)

…

great idea m! i encourage my self-employed friends to give themselves a “christmas bonus.” no one else is gonna do it! i got myself an iPhone for my bonus.

hiya kammie – i’ve been thinking about you! it’s good to hear from you. thanks for the thoughts…

thanks lisa! (always good to hear that reluctant boyfriends had fun! )

colin – that’s an interesting technique – it seems like it could make someone in my family a little hostile…?? did that not happen for you?

kim -thanks! that’s good to hear, too! i had a great time in SLC – what a fantastic venue. And thanks for the idea about christmas cards. i think people would find them more meaningful when they receive them at a different time of the year.

I haven’t stopped by in a bit and thought I’d cruise through your space and see what you’re serving up for the holidays. It’s goodness for sure!

I LOVE this post…I am implementing most of your list already myself…I have upped my workouts (and it feels great not to wait), am giving myself (and my friends and family) permission to say no (which creates more white space to say YES to that which really excites you!) and LOVE going to bed early.

Every now and again the creepy “shoulds” enter the room and tell me I should be running, scurrying, and flustering about…but I am really stepping into this holiday looking to appreciate all the goodness and mellow downtime.

Chilling out, spending QUALITY time with family and friends and showing gratitude for all the gifts I ALREADY have is how I’m looking forward to spending this holiday season.

Blessings to you and yours Christine!

Much love,
Kam

One thing that helped me when Christmas was truly hideous was the ‘to me from me present’ I chose something I really really wanted a super expensive luxurious book, cashmere gloves, a camera whatever wrapped it and gave it to myself. It took a lot of the ‘I don’t get what I want’ out of the holidays.

Most of my christmas is now relocated to new years’ eve as its when my brother and sister in law and neice come up so we now open our presents then.

My tree is not yet up this year, but so far nobody has stressed about that. This year my son is working full time for the first time in his life and is totally enjoying buying gifts. He goes out shopping every weekend and drops hints about what he has bought. It’s fun to watch.

Blessings to all.
Pam

I stopped worrying about Christmas cards the year I had to skip them. I sent St Patrick’s Day cards instead and got so much positive feedback that I’ve continued looking for off the radar holidays, finding cards that sort of match that holiday, and sending cards then.

Santa Crusty