Note: December is Word-of-the-Year Month at Christine’s Blog. As we roll into another New Year, each day will feature a new guest blogger who chose one word as a way of setting intention for her whole year. Today’s guest is Brandi Reynolds. More about Brandi below!
I love words. I love the way they look on paper and the images they bring forth in my mind. So when Christine wrote about choosing a one word intention for each New Year, instead of that oppressive list of resolutions, I immediately connected with the idea.
In pondering the ‘right’ word, I realized that what I really wanted was some clarity in my life. I needed clarity of purpose, clarity of who I really am. So I chose the word, wrote a blog about it and in perfect co-creative form, promptly forgot about and went about my daily life.
Two weeks later I had a meltdown.
Back up a bit. Right around the time I was deciding on my word, my husband and decided to adopt another dog and she was a mess. She was a severe neglect case and the mental and physical strain of rehabilitating her was overwhelming to me. One evening I retreated to my bedroom, sobbing.
I will always be grateful for that time of stress because my defenses were fatigued enough to allow for a breakthrough. Through the cracks in my internal walls, a thought slid through and landed in my lap, shiny and golden and there.
I don’t like myself very much at all.
And I don’t mean it like my inner critic was just acting up again and telling me that I ‘should’ be more patient or loving or whatever. I mean, this was a core thought. It infected and informed my very existence. This was BIG.
God, what a relief!!! Instead of being defeated by the realization, I felt like I was able to breathe for the first time in a long time. So many times, I had attempted to connect to other people or a divine source or a creative outlet and felt like there was a clear glass wall between me and the paper or person or energy source. I could see what was on the other side of the wall, but I couldn’t touch them/it. I hated the feeling of disconnection but could never quite get my hands on the reason behind the resistance. Now I had an understanding of what was holding me back.
I realized that I needed guidance and direction for this discovery and found a wonderful life coach named MICHELE WAHLDER. Together, and with the support of my husband, we breathed life into rusty corners of my psyche.
Through the uncertainty and fear of exploration, amazing transformation has started to unfold within me. I was always one that tried to be whatever I thought would get people to like me. As the truth of who I am unfolds more and more everyday, I can speak from a place of confidence and authenticity.
And for the first time in my life, I am comfortable with calling myself an artist. I also have clarity of purpose in my life. I want to support other women as they express their unique soul gifts and wonderful connections with women from different parts of the country are appearing in amazing ways.
So thank you, Christine, from the bottom of my heart for posing the challenge to us all. It is a challenge to put an intention out to the world and trust that it will unfold as it should. It is also the best adventure I could ask for. I have decided that the word for 2009 is Passion. I am so excited to see what adventures unfold!
***********
Brandi Reynolds is a 32 year old artist of life and believer in the power of ordinary moments (with a little fairy dust thrown in for good measure). She can usually be found covered in paint and glue or out in nature with a camera in her hands. She shares her life with her infinitely patient husband and two rescued furry souls that drive her nuts half the time in Grapevine, Texas.
You can see more of her internal dialogue at: http://dandelionseedss.blogspot.com or visit her website at: http://www.dandelion-studios.com
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{ 17 comments… read them below or add one }
Thank you for sharing your clarity of thought. It must be a wonderful thing to shift attention from what you want to be to what you are. Good hunting.
My favorite part of this post is:
I will always be grateful for that time of stress because my defenses were fatigued enough to allow for a breakthrough. Through the cracks in my internal walls, a thought slid through and landed in my lap, shiny and golden and there.
I plan on copying this into my journal! What a powerful and insightful way to look at stress. Thank you! I am looking forward to reading more of these posts. Thank you Brandi and Thank you Christine!
Hooray! Thanks so much, Brandi, for sharing your word and the fabulous life-changing insight that came from it. And I love that the insight was helped along by the hot mess of a furry soul. Yes, all things happen for a reason and at their heart they are good and necessary – but do they have to pee on your rug?
Very moving post Brandi – thanks for sharing your experience.
Brandi,
Good luck with both clarity and passion. Clarity is so important, yet it takes such bravery to embrace it. Way to go!
Echoing what Michelle has said, I loved how you’ve said:
“I will always be grateful for that time of stress because my defenses were fatigued enough to allow for a breakthrough. Through the cracks in my internal walls, a thought slid through and landed in my lap, shiny and golden and there.”
Sometimes it takes a difficult moment to reach that “breakthrough”. That you’ve been to that point, and emerged with the clarity you’ve needed – is awesome! And, what a great example of your word, “clarity”, manifesting itself in your life Brandi!
Your journey this past year really sounds like one that has been a moving experience for you. We can all learn from that – the good that come from difficult moments, if we really open up and let our true spirit “speak” to us.
Thank you, Brandi, for sharing your experience…
Brandi,
Thanks for sharing this experience. And I love the way you wrote it. The furry souls certainly seem part of the whole plan don’t they?
What great insight into your experience. Very cool. Thank you!
Brandi, your words here brought me to tears. Not for myself, I’m doing pretty good with me lately.
But for you…I admire you so much, with your confidence and kindness…and it’s so sad to know that a person I like so much has a difficult time liking herself.
May all brightest blessings follow you on this journey to yourself, to a place of truly knowing and loving you. You have so much love and light to offer the world, may you really see that and take what is offered to you to help along the way.
So glad this little furrie entered your life to spark the journey.
I am so moved by the positive responses! thank you to everyone for sharing your thoughts and support!!!
What a phenomenal concept!!! What a phenomenal post! This really moved me and thank you so much.
Brandi,
Well said!
A good friend of mine always said sometimes you need a good long cold hard look in the mirror to get out of your own way. I love how you sought clarity and were brave enough to face what it showed you. Don’t you just love it when you get what you ask for, and then a little extra thrown in just because.
Thanks for your beautiful word(s)!
Brandi:
Wow. I have recently had almost the same experience with a new puppy-mill rescue dog and almost lost my mind. After reading this, I wish I had allowed myself to do just that. I feel as if I have been waiting most of my life for the breakthrough that you just had.
thank you again for those that continue to comment-I am uplifted and overjoyed at the connections I am making!!
annie-I felt very, very alone in that process (despite the support of my husband) so thank you for sharing a little bit of your journey. I don’t think people talk about the overwhelming parts because rescuing a dog in that condition is truly noble. But just because it’s noble doesn’t mean it doesn’t suck sometimes
Hi Brandi,
Congrats for feeling comfortable about calling yourself an artist! As woman thinketh she becometh.
Giulietta
Thanks Brandi! I love how you approached this – and your honesty in admitting the breakdowns – and your courage in hiring someone to help you along. (Now you get to do the same!) Clarity is one of my very favorite words period.
giulietta-what a great quote: “as a woman thinketh, she becometh”. That makes you a GENIUS for sure.
Christine, I am so grateful for the opportunity you gave each of us to share, to connect and to grow.
thank you.
Brandi,
I believe the origin of that quote in its original form (using man instead of woman and sometimes a different second half) is biblical, other times attributed to James Allen, an inspirational writer, who wrote “As a Man Thinketh.” He published it in 1902. Thx G!