Note: December is Word-of-the-Year Month at Christine’s Blog.  As we roll into another New Year, each day will feature a new guest blogger who chose one word as a way of setting intention for her whole year.  Today’s guest is Sandy Anderson. More about Sandy below.

Choosing my word

On January 20, 2008, I wrote a simple sentence on my blog:  “I think I found my word for the year.”  The title of the post was “Fulfill,” and that is the word that I have embraced over the last eleven months.

If you look at the definition of “fulfill” in the dictionary, you will find subtle nuances of obligation.  Most of the definitions deal with meeting the requirements of a particular situation.

But, there is normally one entry, at the end of the list, that talks about “fulfill” as the act of “develop[ing] the full potential of.”  And, more than anything I wanted to develop my own full potential.  I knew the old methods weren’t working.

In fact, my old methods had left me tired. I was finding myself in unhappy situations at work, and overall, I was just feeling overwhelmed.  In addition, I was losing sight of the things that made me happy, and I didn’t want to end up like other women in my family, unhappy their whole lives regardless of their actual situation.   My mother inspired me to start this shift of perspective as well, as she seems to be going through this process too.

Bottom line was that I found myself repeatedly putting forth too much energy without getting any return on my investment.  I was neglecting myself.  I was spending too much energy on things for everyone else, and I knew that needed to change if I was serious about adjusting my outlook on my life.

What I learned

The first thing I discovered is I have always embraced my word “Fulfill.”  However, in the past, it has been something that has happened to me instead of something I intended to happen.  Before, “fulfill” was related to what I could do for other people.  I was focusing too hard on the other definitions of the word.  I was concentrating on what I could do to fulfill the requirements I created.  But, I never really considered what I needed to do to create fulfillment for myself.

Throughout the last year, my word has shown up in the places where I haven’t been comfortable with my response to particular situations.  When I chose my word, I thought it would give me an excuse to cut out people or activities that didn’t make me happy; it was almost as if it was my opportunity to be selfish.  But, as I moved through the act of living with this word, it came through loud and clear that it wasn’t what everyone else was doing to me.

It was what I needed to do for me.

It is a hard step to take responsibility for your life.  It has been even harder for me to realize that this is not something that I am ever going to be able to do effortlessly.  I find myself from time to time falling back on my old habits and ways of doing and getting “hooked,” as Christine would say, into potentially Negative situations.

I know I am still growing.  That will never have an endpoint.  But, I have learned that my goal of living a fulfilling life is something that I have to take control of.  It is not something I can assume will happen for me without my commitment.  That is the way intention works.

Now, I am not as hard on myself when I do fall into these old comfortable, negative positions.  I try to remember to take the time to consider why I am feeling the way I am and consider what caused me to feel that way.  As I said, this still isn’t always my first inclination, but I am getting better with practice.  This process helped me understand that I have the opportunity and ability to change my perception.  And, now I understand that in order to feel fulfilled I must avoid living a life stuck in the mire of day-to-day unhappiness and frustration.

My next step

As I consider the next step in this process, I know that I don’t want to put a period at the end of 2008 with the expectation that my work regarding fulfillment is done.  Instead, I would like to acknowledge what aspects of this word that I still need to work on.

The idea of the acceptance of my own abilities, personality traits, wants, and desires is one of these components.  So, my word for 2009 is going to be “embrace.”  As I move into the next year, I hope to learn to embrace myself for what I am.  Embrace the limits of my body and my situation, moment by moment.  And, most importantly embrace my potential to live a happy life.  I believe that embracing this word will help me keep moving forward and not get caught standing still while my life goes on around me.

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My name is Sandy Anderson.  I teach English at a university in Kansas, I create as much as I can, and I share my life with my wonderful husband, who is in the Army.  I write about all of it on my BLOG (http://www.hopefullysomethingrhetorical.com).