Word of the Year: Trust

Note: December is Word-of-the-Year Month at Christine’s Blog.  As we roll into another New Year, each day will feature a new guest blogger who chose one word as a way of setting intention for her whole year.  Today’s guest is Lia Hadley.

At the end of last year, when Christine Kane wrote about her ritual of choosing chooses a word instead of making New Year’s resolutions, I decided to choose the word Trust to guide me through this year.

The reason that I chose Trust as my word arose from a short conversation I had with a physiotherapist, not long after reading Christine’s blog post was published. The therapist was treating me for tension in my neck and shoulders. She uses a form of massage called craniosacral, which has helped relieve the tension in the past. Craniosacral not only works on specific areas of the body, but also on metaphysical organisms. At the end of one session, the physiotherapist tells me she thinks I have difficulties with my kidneys.

According to her, kidneys are sources of energy. They should radiate energy like a warm oven. Mine are hearths of cold ashes. She explains that in Chinese medicine, each organ is associated with an attribute. Kidneys, apparently, denote trust; do I, she asks, have any problems with trust?

Upon returning home, I make myself a hot cup of tea and ask myself this very question. Surprisingly, I start to cry when I pose the question. And, it becomes very clear that somewhere along the line, over the last decade, I have lost my ability to trust certain people near-and-dear to me, and, more importantly, I have lost trust in myself, in my ability to overcome existential challenges. It is equally evident, that I have to rediscover this ability.

Yitzhak Rabin said,

“If you have the same problem for a long time, maybe it’s not a problem; maybe it’s a fact.”

I went off to find out what Trust actually is, from both a theoretical, as well as, a practical point-of-view. I gave myself this year to study the scholars, to converse with friends, and to participate in solitary contemplation about the meaning of trust, and its importance in life.

The Oxford dictionary defines trust as a firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something. How do I know whom I can trust? How do I decide, not only to what extent I can trust someone, but what this person can be entrusted with?

The easiest answer to the question, “How do I know whom I can trust?” is to ask, “Who do I trust at this moment?” and “Who have I trusted in the past?” If the list of people you trust presently contains the same names as the people you have always been able to trust, you’re probably one happy trooper.

In my case, I tend to trust people near-and-dear to me with information or in situations where I need a shoulder to cry on, or their truthful opinion, or their knowledgeable judgment. Sometimes I have trusted wisely, at other times very unwisely. What I have learnt is that even though it would be wonderful if we could trust our loved ones with everything, it is not always prudent to do so.

This is because trust has many dimensions. First, we must find someone who is equally committed to the outcome of the situation we are entrusting them with, as we are. I trust my husband with my worries about my impending unemployment (my work contract is coming to an end in less than two months’ time), not only because he loves me and cares about my concerns, but because our financial livelihood is dependent on my contribution.

Secondly, the person we trust has to have the required skill or ability to carry through that which we are entrusting them with. It is not prudent to trust someone with my life-savings, if they’re always living on the brink of financial disaster. Lastly, there is always an element of unpredictability, or risk, when we trust someone to do something. If there weren’t risk involved, then we wouldn’t be entrusting them, but just instructing or informing them.

When I reflect back over the last ten years on situations or persons who have failed to live up to my expectations, I asked myself why did they fail: lack of commitment or lack of skill? And, as it turns out, it is nearly always the lack of skill that is the central cause for the failure. Not only their skill is lacking, but also my sense of judgement. Why would I trust someone with something they have no ability to succeed in?

Going back to the Oxford dictionary definition of trust (a firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone  or something), the question is where does that firm belief come from? I can only conclude through experience. Since childhood, I’ve trusted those near to me: my parents, my siblings, and my friends, with aspects precious to my wellbeing. And, the outcome of those experiences becomes memory.

No matter how distorted these memories are, they are all I have to navigate by. Thus, it is important to consider what I remember about these people, particularly their abilities, when I decide to ask them for constructive help and quiet solace. It is as simple as that.

Thank you, Christine, for sending me out on this journey.

Lia Hadley
Website: www.yumyumcafe.blogspot.com

Bio: My name is Lia and I am living in northern Germany, in the charming city of Luebeck. When someone asks me “Where do you come from?” I always puzzle over what to give as an answer: the place of birth (Caracas), the place nearest-and-dearest to my heart (Grenada), the place of citizenship (Canada), or the place where I’m raising my beloved family (Germany)? Usually, they have moved on before I can answer.

Tagged as: Miscellaneous

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