Comments on: Zen and the Art of Saying No http://christinekane.com/blog/zen-and-the-art-of-saying-no/ Be Creative. Be Conscious. Be Courageous. Tue, 16 Mar 2010 12:46:20 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 By: Debbie Goodrow http://christinekane.com/blog/zen-and-the-art-of-saying-no/comment-page-1/#comment-109385 Debbie Goodrow Tue, 03 Jun 2008 06:53:51 +0000 http://christinekane.com/blog/zen-and-the-art-of-saying-no/#comment-109385 Great post, Christine. At the ripe old age of 55 (today!) I am buying my first home. It has been a 2 year long hunt to find a house that my budget could afford and my need for safety could accommodate, was within my capability to repair, and will give me a sanctuary that I long for. It's becoming clearer that I will need to keep my clarity of what I really need, and what I'd really like, versus things that are constantly bombarded on me as 'things I should have'. Mostly driven by marketing. I found a GREAT book (for a buck at the Salvation Army store) about "How to Make Your House Do The Housework." While I too have purchase and lovingly perused the glossy magazines like Dwell, Apartment Living, Water Gardens, etc, etc, I realize how much is just stuff that takes up our precious time. Including huge lawns of needs-to-be-constantly-mowed lawn. I am learning to live simpler, be more relaxed, without fussy details. The friends that people my house will be my most precious decorations, not any silver that needs regular polishing. There will be no 'good china' only to be dragged out once or twice a year, stored carefully the rest of the year, taking up space, and worrying that a piece will be broken. Everything I own will be out and used and enjoyed by anyone who enters my life. Sofas will allow for people curling their feet up under them in cosy fashion, or stretch out and nap. Floor will tolerate spills and never make a guest worry about a stain. I hope my lengthy diatribe is not amiss. In the last 2 1/2 years there has been several major emotional and physical upheavals in my life. Lots of tears and despair and disbelief, and lots of finding strength in myself. Found the people who believe in me too, and are there for reinforcements when I am flagging. And identified the people who are my energy vampires, and am learning to make them feed elsewhere. I'm learning. I'm growing. I'm going to Live Succulently. And thank you for letting me spill that out into your space. Great post, Christine.

At the ripe old age of 55 (today!) I am buying my first home. It has been a 2 year long hunt to find a house that my budget could afford and my need for safety could accommodate, was within my capability to repair, and will give me a sanctuary that I long for.

It’s becoming clearer that I will need to keep my clarity of what I really need, and what I’d really like, versus things that are constantly bombarded on me as ‘things I should have’. Mostly driven by marketing.

I found a GREAT book (for a buck at the Salvation Army store) about “How to Make Your House Do The Housework.” While I too have purchase and lovingly perused the glossy magazines like Dwell, Apartment Living, Water Gardens, etc, etc, I realize how much is just stuff that takes up our precious time. Including huge lawns of needs-to-be-constantly-mowed lawn.

I am learning to live simpler, be more relaxed, without fussy details. The friends that people my house will be my most precious decorations, not any silver that needs regular polishing. There will be no ‘good china’ only to be dragged out once or twice a year, stored carefully the rest of the year, taking up space, and worrying that a piece will be broken. Everything I own will be out and used and enjoyed by anyone who enters my life. Sofas will allow for people curling their feet up under them in cosy fashion, or stretch out and nap.
Floor will tolerate spills and never make a guest worry about a stain.

I hope my lengthy diatribe is not amiss. In the last 2 1/2 years there has been several major emotional and physical upheavals in my life. Lots of tears and despair and disbelief, and lots of finding strength in myself. Found the people who believe in me too, and are there for reinforcements when I am flagging. And identified the people who are my energy vampires, and am learning to make them feed elsewhere.

I’m learning. I’m growing. I’m going to Live Succulently.

And thank you for letting me spill that out into your space.

]]> By: Christine Kane http://christinekane.com/blog/zen-and-the-art-of-saying-no/comment-page-1/#comment-108590 Christine Kane Mon, 02 Jun 2008 04:28:53 +0000 http://christinekane.com/blog/zen-and-the-art-of-saying-no/#comment-108590 Thanks everyone for such beautiful and thoughtful remarks here. What a pleasure to read! I just returned home from a weekend of writing songs in Nashville -- surreal to be locked in a room for three entire days of writing. I would say more, but I'm still bleary-eyed from the 5 hour drive! Thank you! Thanks everyone for such beautiful and thoughtful remarks here. What a pleasure to read! I just returned home from a weekend of writing songs in Nashville — surreal to be locked in a room for three entire days of writing. I would say more, but I’m still bleary-eyed from the 5 hour drive! Thank you!

]]> By: KB http://christinekane.com/blog/zen-and-the-art-of-saying-no/comment-page-1/#comment-108559 KB Mon, 02 Jun 2008 03:23:08 +0000 http://christinekane.com/blog/zen-and-the-art-of-saying-no/#comment-108559 Thank you for this posting. I just Stumbled upon you, and this is the exact thing I needed to hear. I am a teacher and was a coach this year as well as in grad school, and I had no time for me, no time for my relatively new marriage, and no time for my mom, who is recently widowed. I felt like my life was slipping away from me. Now I have the chance to quit coaching and I have been afraid to say no - because I need the money. But I need time for me first. Heck, the money I spend on take out food and junk food when I'm coaching would be saved if I weren't because I'd be cooking dinner every night. Thank you thank you thank you. This just confirms everything in my head and in my heart. Thank you for this posting. I just Stumbled upon you, and this is the exact thing I needed to hear. I am a teacher and was a coach this year as well as in grad school, and I had no time for me, no time for my relatively new marriage, and no time for my mom, who is recently widowed. I felt like my life was slipping away from me. Now I have the chance to quit coaching and I have been afraid to say no – because I need the money. But I need time for me first. Heck, the money I spend on take out food and junk food when I’m coaching would be saved if I weren’t because I’d be cooking dinner every night.

Thank you thank you thank you. This just confirms everything in my head and in my heart.

]]> By: Vicky H http://christinekane.com/blog/zen-and-the-art-of-saying-no/comment-page-1/#comment-108465 Vicky H Sun, 01 Jun 2008 22:03:07 +0000 http://christinekane.com/blog/zen-and-the-art-of-saying-no/#comment-108465 This post rings so true for me. When your planning to take on just one more thing, we don't plan the time it will take in our lives. Your brother gave you great advice. You still have your great little house on the river. I'm feeling zen just thinking about it! Great Post. Vicky H This post rings so true for me. When your planning to take on just one more thing, we don’t plan the time it will take in our lives.

Your brother gave you great advice.

You still have your great little house on the river. I’m feeling zen just thinking about it!

Great Post.

Vicky H

]]> By: Lance http://christinekane.com/blog/zen-and-the-art-of-saying-no/comment-page-1/#comment-108453 Lance Sun, 01 Jun 2008 19:56:19 +0000 http://christinekane.com/blog/zen-and-the-art-of-saying-no/#comment-108453 Hope the show went well for you the other night Christine! Hope the show went well for you the other night Christine!

]]> By: rebecca bush http://christinekane.com/blog/zen-and-the-art-of-saying-no/comment-page-1/#comment-108331 rebecca bush Sun, 01 Jun 2008 15:54:45 +0000 http://christinekane.com/blog/zen-and-the-art-of-saying-no/#comment-108331 i like the way you wrote your internal process about this - from wanting to own it because it was something you wanted to do and could financially do and could control, but then realizing that your free time was non-negotiable, and then coming to the conclusion of why you REALLY wanted the property in the first place. i think of all of us should follow the same suit before embarking on major decisions -- ask ourselves the questions you posed and answer them truthfully....it is only in this way that we could live the lives we really want. i gave up a well paying job over ten years ago because the hours put in and the commute became unbearable. for me, factoring which was more important then, the money or getting back my free time, suddenly became at 40, quite easy to make. i looked for a position near home, for less money, and haven't regretted it since. the time i gained back with my family was priceless. i like the way you wrote your internal process about this – from wanting to own it because it was something you wanted to do and could financially do and could control, but then realizing that your free time was non-negotiable, and then coming to the conclusion of why you REALLY wanted the property in the first place. i think of all of us should follow the same suit before embarking on major decisions — ask ourselves the questions you posed and answer them truthfully….it is only in this way that we could live the lives we really want. i gave up a well paying job over ten years ago because the hours put in and the commute became unbearable. for me, factoring which was more important then, the money or getting back my free time, suddenly became at 40, quite easy to make. i looked for a position near home, for less money, and haven’t regretted it since. the time i gained back with my family was priceless.

]]> By: Peggi Habets http://christinekane.com/blog/zen-and-the-art-of-saying-no/comment-page-1/#comment-108211 Peggi Habets Sun, 01 Jun 2008 12:16:58 +0000 http://christinekane.com/blog/zen-and-the-art-of-saying-no/#comment-108211 Hi Christine, Great post as usual. This one I printed out so I can ask myself some of these questions the next time I go off on a tangents. My tangents are all art related so they seem relevant as first. Next thing I know I'm scratching my head and thinking, "Now HOW is this workshop in 'Printmaking with Watercolor' going to help my portrait career?" Sometimes the tangents are surprising in ways I wouldn't have imagined and other times I found I just used up precious time. Hi Christine,
Great post as usual. This one I printed out so I can ask myself some of these questions the next time I go off on a tangents. My tangents are all art related so they seem relevant as first. Next thing I know I’m scratching my head and thinking, “Now HOW is this workshop in ‘Printmaking with Watercolor’ going to help my portrait career?” Sometimes the tangents are surprising in ways I wouldn’t have imagined and other times I found I just used up precious time.

]]> By: Rebecca http://christinekane.com/blog/zen-and-the-art-of-saying-no/comment-page-1/#comment-107047 Rebecca Fri, 30 May 2008 14:34:06 +0000 http://christinekane.com/blog/zen-and-the-art-of-saying-no/#comment-107047 This post really spoke to me, Christine, because I find myself almost constantly in this same situation (not deciding whether to buy a house, but discerning what I can take on). I have gradually discovered over the years that the one major drawback of being a creative soul is a severe tendency to take on too much. There are always bright, shiny, alluring new projects on the horizon that fan the creative spark and, even better, would often do some good and brighten up life for someone else. But I have also learned, like you, that the full process of following through on these new ideas is the real work of life, even if it's as simple as seaming up those sweater pieces that you knit together so that they actually form (duh) a sweater or managing your awesome web site or getting a broken window fixed or whatever it may be. The tedious tasks are in important factor in allowing dreams come to fruition, so I've tried to become more realistic in evaluating what it will actually take to follow a creative impulse. If I want your sister to have a birthday sweater so much that I don't mind the un-fun parts of creating it, then it deserves a place in the to-do list. So I completely agree that the way to manage these impulses is to keep a constant priority list that's based around your intentions. The same qualities that feed creativity - intuition, compassion - can also help manage it. This post really spoke to me, Christine, because I find myself almost constantly in this same situation (not deciding whether to buy a house, but discerning what I can take on). I have gradually discovered over the years that the one major drawback of being a creative soul is a severe tendency to take on too much. There are always bright, shiny, alluring new projects on the horizon that fan the creative spark and, even better, would often do some good and brighten up life for someone else. But I have also learned, like you, that the full process of following through on these new ideas is the real work of life, even if it’s as simple as seaming up those sweater pieces that you knit together so that they actually form (duh) a sweater or managing your awesome web site or getting a broken window fixed or whatever it may be. The tedious tasks are in important factor in allowing dreams come to fruition, so I’ve tried to become more realistic in evaluating what it will actually take to follow a creative impulse. If I want your sister to have a birthday sweater so much that I don’t mind the un-fun parts of creating it, then it deserves a place in the to-do list. So I completely agree that the way to manage these impulses is to keep a constant priority list that’s based around your intentions. The same qualities that feed creativity – intuition, compassion – can also help manage it.

]]> By: Mindful Mimi http://christinekane.com/blog/zen-and-the-art-of-saying-no/comment-page-1/#comment-106743 Mindful Mimi Fri, 30 May 2008 06:54:50 +0000 http://christinekane.com/blog/zen-and-the-art-of-saying-no/#comment-106743 Hi Christine, "Is a dream a lie if it don't come true?" asks Bruce Springsteen. I am a big believer in 'there is a right time for everything'. A right time to meet certain people (you would not have noticed a year ago). A right time to read a book (which was boring when you tried to read it a year ago). And yes, a right time to buy a house. The right time obviously comes down to the questions you ask yourself. I am sure this house, or another comes up at some point and you WILL buy it (for renting or retreating or just to live in yourself). So whenever something I wanted doesn't come true, I don't worry about it too much. I try to learn the lesson and move on. It (the same or slightly different/better) will eventually come back and present itself to me again. And if not, well then it wasn't meant to be and that's fine with me. Yes I do sometimes get dizzy from all the possible paths that I seem to have (or even just from all the books on my shelf that I still have to read). I get so dizzy because there is too much that I'd like to do and it clutters up my mind so that I don't know anymore what I want to do. I loose myself in it. And sometimes it's not easy to get your mind back on track. Asking these questions will be helpful. I often talk to my husband. He is the clutter clearner of my brain. He knows how to ask the questions I can't seem to find. And he knows how to tell me how wonderful I am and that I can do this, when I am deep down in self-doubt. So if asking yourself these questions doesn't help, have someone else ask you and add a few questions... Great post Christine. Enjoy tonight's show. Oh and write a song about the house - at least something comes out of it that way. There is a reason for everything as Mira Kirshenbaum puts it. Hi Christine,
“Is a dream a lie if it don’t come true?” asks Bruce Springsteen. I am a big believer in ‘there is a right time for everything’. A right time to meet certain people (you would not have noticed a year ago). A right time to read a book (which was boring when you tried to read it a year ago). And yes, a right time to buy a house. The right time obviously comes down to the questions you ask yourself. I am sure this house, or another comes up at some point and you WILL buy it (for renting or retreating or just to live in yourself).
So whenever something I wanted doesn’t come true, I don’t worry about it too much. I try to learn the lesson and move on. It (the same or slightly different/better) will eventually come back and present itself to me again. And if not, well then it wasn’t meant to be and that’s fine with me.
Yes I do sometimes get dizzy from all the possible paths that I seem to have (or even just from all the books on my shelf that I still have to read). I get so dizzy because there is too much that I’d like to do and it clutters up my mind so that I don’t know anymore what I want to do. I loose myself in it. And sometimes it’s not easy to get your mind back on track. Asking these questions will be helpful. I often talk to my husband. He is the clutter clearner of my brain. He knows how to ask the questions I can’t seem to find. And he knows how to tell me how wonderful I am and that I can do this, when I am deep down in self-doubt.
So if asking yourself these questions doesn’t help, have someone else ask you and add a few questions…
Great post Christine.
Enjoy tonight’s show. Oh and write a song about the house – at least something comes out of it that way. There is a reason for everything as Mira Kirshenbaum puts it.

]]> By: Mother Earth http://christinekane.com/blog/zen-and-the-art-of-saying-no/comment-page-1/#comment-106682 Mother Earth Fri, 30 May 2008 02:31:22 +0000 http://christinekane.com/blog/zen-and-the-art-of-saying-no/#comment-106682 I have this idea about famous or wealthy people. In my head they manage it all, you know when it gets bigger and more needs to be done and all. They simply just delegate everything. It seems so seamless. A friend recently rented out her studio condo - she lives a mile away from said condo with her new husband, but works 60 million hours a week and so because of it's potential as an investment she just hired someone to manage it all for her. I thought - that's really cool and good for her. Yet she's really wealthy. I like to pretend that I have delegation ability, and assign litter box duty to my daughter. After all I'm going to be famous someday. I have this idea about famous or wealthy people. In my head they manage it all, you know when it gets bigger and more needs to be done and all. They simply just delegate everything. It seems so seamless.

A friend recently rented out her studio condo – she lives a mile away from said condo with her new husband, but works 60 million hours a week and so because of it’s potential as an investment she just hired someone to manage it all for her. I thought – that’s really cool and good for her. Yet she’s really wealthy.

I like to pretend that I have delegation ability, and assign litter box duty to my daughter. After all I’m going to be famous someday.

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