“Relationships are forever. They are eternal. Not just permanent in this lifetime. Once you establish a relationship, it is an eternal relationship.” – Abraham-Hicks
Years ago I was at a workshop, sitting in a circle of women. One of them was grieving a death in her family, expressing anger and isolation.
She said, “…and you know what? If one more of my idiot girlfriends acts like she knows what I’m going through and shares some dumb-ass story about when her stupid dog or cat died, I’m going to explode.”
Of course, that anger wasn’t the truth of who she is. Anyone who has experienced grief knows that she was probably just trying to mask her intense sadness. Anger pretends it can do that.
For some reason, though, I thought of that woman at 1am this past Tuesday.
Atticus, who had been my special pal for 13 years, finally passed away after a long hard final week of a five-month illness. Silently, I assured that woman – wherever she is now – that my heart was shattered enough to satisfy even her needs.
Even though Mr. Patticus weighed in at only 4 pounds at his passing, I felt the grief of a hundred tons of spirit. After all, the sadness of letting go has so little to do with these earthly issues — like weight and form, or human and pet. It’s a matter of the heart. And thank goodness, our hearts don’t know such limitations.
I’ve been so touched by the number of people who have stopped their busy lives to share their stories when they found out about my beloved kitty. I love how common we all are – even the most stoic or the most mental among us can share with stunning detail an instance when they lost a dog, or a cat, horse or bird.
When a treasured pet dies, you may find yourself going through a kind of mental gymnastics – most of which is just a feeble attempt at distracting you from what you’re desperately trying to avoid: the heavy and unbearable sadness of letting go of something so sweet, so precious, and so connected to you.
Most thoughts can be noticed, accepted, or released – yet when you are in the thick of your grief, sometimes it’s hard to remember to do any of those things.
So, the following items are random. I’m posting them for someday. I’m posting them because you might need a friend-in-writing at some 1am of your own. Print this out and save it for that time.
These are pieces of my experience, and pieces of stories from other people. This is my attempt to remind you of the truth, so that you can get back to doing what you are meant to do when you lose a pet – which is to purely experience the release of this being you treasure. In that alone will you find healing.
Guilt
Guilt will sneak in at unexpected moments, telling you that you did it wrong, that you didn’t do enough, that you caused this to happen, or that it’s all your fault.
Guilt is tricky. It seems like situations cause it to rise up out of nowhere. But really, guilt just hangs around, waiting in the wings – and it waits to find the perfect situation to make an entrance.
In the highly charged situation of a sick pet who doesn’t have a voice, guilt is always available to fill the silent spaces. And it serves no purpose.
You find your pet, you love your pet, and you do the best you can. That’s all you can do.
That’s what you did.
Blame
Blame is guilt going in the opposite direction. You’ll want to blame the vet, or the driver of the car, or your boyfriend for taking you out that night when your dog ran off, which wouldn’t have happened had you been there.
Blame serves one purpose: to distract you. It’s not that you aren’t allowed to have moments of blame and anger – but remember that no matter how much of it you experience, eventually the sadness will be what’s waiting for you at the end of that long line of stuff. And you’ll have nowhere else to turn but in its direction.
Blame might postpone the sadness – but not forever.
Second-Guessing
A friend of mine told me that one of the worst things about putting her cat to sleep was the second-guessing that happened afterward.
Second-guessing is just guilt on Halloween. It puts on a mask called “Rational Thoughts” that offer you all the reasons why you did the exact opposite of what you should’ve done.
Atticus died as I held him on my kitchen floor. During this last hour, I was overtaken by fear. The second-guessing began. Had I made the wrong choices? Should I have had him put to sleep? I didn’t do any of this right, did I?
I was able to catch myself and remind myself that all I needed to do was be fully present to this moment, and we would both get through it. That’s all you need to do, too. Your presence is more powerful and more healing than your untrue thoughts.
Knowing
When you’re contemplating putting your pet to sleep, and you ask people how you’ll know whether or not to do it, and when it’s time, they will all tell you one thing, “Oh. You’ll know. You’ll just know.”
The truth is that you might know. And that’s great. But you also might not. I kept waiting to hear a “knowing.” But it never came. My homeopathic vet told me that it might never come, and that you just have to do the best you can do.
Life
It’s imperative that you experience life during this time. When Atticus was dying, Spring was in a “Hey it’s been raining for six straight days!” cheerleader-like exuberance, so I made myself go out into the woods with my dog.
I witnessed Pink Ladyslipper in bloom. I smelled the wet ground. I watched some Pileated Woodpeckers going to town on a fallen tree. I met a month-old puppy and reveled in his puppy breath.
It was as if the earth was shouting at me, “It’s all life!”
I didn’t believe it. But it helped me remember that it was all there for me to return to when I’m ready.
Give yourself time for life and remember that, as Eckhart Tolle reminds us, the opposite of death is birth. Not life. Life doesn’t die.
Time
No matter if your dog was only three when she got hit by a car, or if your cat lives to be 29, you’ll want more time. You’ll bargain for it. You’ll pray for just one more year. You’ll swear that you’ll be grateful 365 days straight.
Atticus had a lifetime of me bargaining for more time. Homeopathy pulled him from the jaws of death on several occasions. I was (and am) grateful for all of it.
But it didn’t make it easy to let go when the time came. I still held tight. I even made a few feeble bargaining attempts. But eventually, I had to surrender and focus on gratitude for the years he lived.
Of course, surrender doesn’t make the sadness go away. It’s just that you no longer are clinging quite so tightly.
The truth about time is that it is only ever now. And all those nows that you had with your beloved animal were perfect. But this now is different from those nows.
Protection
My mom had two dogs when she was little, and both of them died unexpectedly. One day her dad announced that he refused to allow any more pets in their home because he couldn’t stand to go through any more broken hearts. He managed to hold fast to his rule, and my mom never had another pet in her life. I never said this to my mom, but I find it interesting that her dad died of a massive heart attack at a young age.
You might want to swear off animals forever. You might tell yourself that you can’t possibly go through this ever again. While it may take some time to allow another pet into your life, the idea that you can protect your heart from pain by sealing it off from love is ludicrous. As one of my Platinum Coaching clients wrote on her coaching form last week:
“I’ve spent so many years, pretty much all of my life, working so hard to avoid feeling pain that I never let myself see beauty either.”
As long as we’re on this planet, we might as well experience it, revel in it, take it all in, live big, cry hard, laugh a lot, and love every being that will have us. What’s to protect yourself from?
It’s an honor to love something so much that your heart breaks when it moves to another plane. It’s an honor to be loved back, too. There’s joy to be found – even in your sadness.
Judgment
Some people will find you ridiculous. You will cancel engagements and get rolled eyes. Your family might whisper about you.
“It’s just a cat.”
“Why all the fuss over a dog?”
Don’t waste your energy being mad. Whether it’s the joy of a pet, or having your own business, or getting fired, or losing a parent – if someone hasn’t experienced it, then they just don’t understand. They will someday. In the meantime, be willing to be judged. You’ve got more important places to put your attention.
Surrender
Lastly, let’s talk about the moments of sheer peace, surrender, and enlightenment. You will have these, too.
You will have minutes, maybe hours or even days where you feel a deep surrender to the process of life. You will marvel at your clarity, at how you are able to release with love this being that you cherish with all your heart. You’ll wonder if Pema Chodron will be phoning soon to ask you how you do it.
Love these moments. They are truth. But don’t berate yourself if you burst into tears the very next hour, and beg your pet not to leave, and bargain with God to make sure you never hurt again in your life. It’s a part of the roundabout cycle of loss.
The peace will descend again too. It’s who you truly are. And it will return. And it will last longer each time. And your heart will slowly take it in and heal itself into the full joy of being once again.
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Yesterday I did the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I had to put down my 12 1/2 year old lab, she was my baby, my bud and my companion. I treasured her more and more each day until it came time. My spouse and others had encouraged me to put her down for month or so…they say
pooping in the house (accidently) 3-4 times a day
arthritic hips – she would have to sway her hips and the back nails would drag on the cement when we went for walks.
neuro problems – she would occasionally half stumble or her back right lef would face weirdly to a different direction.
we tried several things for the pooping, only got worse. the hips and back legs seem the same, but she struggled to get up taking several seconds, and also she would slip on the hardwood floors. but all this being said, i am going thru the regret and guilt that she still was relatively happy…she eat (like a horse), she still played (albeit not as long and as much), she still wagged her tail..
I am now going thru the blame game, i felt my family members pushed me into this and that I now am deeply regreting my decision. Im afraid that the haunting memory of seeing her take her last breath may affect my feelings towards my spouse and other members that said it was time. I guess im asking for an opinion on does these issues of my dog, is this enough to put her down? or did i do it too early…
Heartbroken
Matty
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susan Reply:
March 13th, 2011 at 9:44 am
Hi, i feel just the same right now but trust me we did do the right thing, i said to the vet this must be the hardest part of your job and he replied actually no it isn’t because we can relieve their suffering and of course that is so true cos we can’t do it for humans and i know of a few people who have watched their loved ones suffer. I hope your feeling a lot better by now, i am hurting like i just lost one of my children my little dexter was nearly 16 and i loved him so much it’s horrible to have to make that decision to let go. xx
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Monday, January 31, 2011 I put to sleep my beloved, kind, sweet, happy Jesse – a four old golden retriever, who made me smile every day. So they say it was an autoimmune disease that suddenly took him. This article has helped me and given me hope because this situation has put me on the edge. I have another golden, Koty, who is 7 and missing Jesse. My heart aches for him too. Even my cats, especially, Phoebee, seems to be sad. I have gone through every single emotion mentioned and frankly, now I am so exhausted, that it seems as though surrender is the only option. Thank you, Christine, for one of the most insightful pieces I have ever read.
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Christine Kane Reply:
February 4th, 2011 at 1:03 pm
Surrounding you with love and light, Barb. (And your four-leggeds too!)
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cindy burch Reply:
February 7th, 2012 at 10:53 pm
hi Barb… i just lost my little girl, who was almost 10… to Auto-Immune.. 2 weeks ago..she showed no signs of being sick….it just happened….after doing some research this is something that shows hardly any symptoms…maybe some lethargy, etc… but nothing really out of the ordinary…..most of the time ,by then, the red blood cells are being depleted so much faster than their little bodies can reproduce them. It’s horrible………. Lacie showed no signs .. got sick on Thursday, passed away on Saturday. I’m heartsick, heartbroken, depressed, and hate this disease that took my little girl..
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Dear Christine,
Thank you for your beautiful website which I “stumbled on” today.
I too am a singer songwriter. I see you are a student of Abraham – me too!!
Here is my stor”y
My heart is shattered. We have suffered a loss that is incomprehensible to me.
My mother’s dog, a shining BEING, had her life cut short by the negligence of my alcoholic/lunatic brother. The other night at 1 am Mountain Time, he dropped her, she fell on her head, her neck broke instantly, and she died.
When I heard the news, I collapsed in grief. It shattered my heart. She was an innocent. How could this happen?? I feel devastated. She and I were so closely bonded it feels like losing a child.
7 yrs ago, Pansy, an adorable white Maltese, came into my mother’s life. It was clear to me from the beginning that this was no ordinary dog – Pansy was an old soul visitor from the Angelic realm. I recognised her and she recognized me. She knew her job as my mother’s guradian angel, and she brought my mother and all of us such joy! Always smiling, she was a merry little soul who uplifted all her came in contact with her. I know my mother, who has been in failing health, is alive today because of Pansy.She was just a little peanut, but she was a throughbred and a being of depth and substance. Her huge round brown eyes shined with knowing and understanding that was beyond dog and beyond human.
I just spent 6 wks visiting my mother after her hospital stay out of state. My brother who has power of attorney. is incapable of giving my mother the true care she deserves and what I had wanted so much to give her. Visits were painful for me, but the one bright spot was always Pansy. When she saw me she would do her “Happy Dance” and we had our joyfest everyday. No matter how dark and depressing the situation was, Pansy made life better and her sweet happy nature uplifted everyone- My mother, who is bedridden and in pain, delighted in her Pansy and it was the only thing that could make her smile.
This was a senseless tragedy caused by the unconscious behavior of my rage filled brother. I am sickened by it and I am in deep heartache grief. My mother simply cannot compute this loss and is checking out on it.
Pansy – you dear sweet innocent angel – thank you with all my heart for all the love, joy, happiness and healing you brought to us. I cherish you forever with all my heart. I know we will see each other again. You dear pure little thing….. I love you so much. To think that I will never hold your sweet little body again, showering me with kisses wih your adorable little pink tongue is impossible to fathom.Little did I know when I left you the other day it would be the last time. I’m so glad we had our little “moment ” together when I kissed you and held you and whispered my gratefulness to you for all your love in your ear when nobody but us could hear. I know you understood every word. Thank you for seeing me for who I am and for the joy we loved to share together.
YOU ARE THE LIGHT OF THE WORLD.
i PRAY THAT ONLY GOOD WILL COME OF THIS.
WITH A HEAVY HEART,
SHENZI
XOXOXO
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How lovely to read these stories, my dexter who was 16 had to be put to sleep yesterday and i am heartbroken and wish i could just take a magic pill to make me feel happy again, its really good to know other people feel like this over their pets and reading your story christine has cheered me up. Thank you x
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Thank you so much for this post. We had to put our 15-year-old sweetheart down yesterday. Ciara was our first dog. We got her before we started a family. It was one of the hardest things I have ever done. Reading your words has helped. I’m going to take your advice and go take a walk – our walk – the one we did almost every evening together. I know she will be right there by my side.
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Hello! And Thank you!
I am right now planning on letting my best friend move on. Lothar, my 10 1/2 y/o Rhodesian Ridgeback,
He has a terminal condition, a tumor on his spleen. This makes it very hard because he is still very aware and happy, although I see he is slowly declining.
The hard part, I have to do this soon because I do not want his spleen to rupture and die in that way. So I must take him within the next week and say goodbye forever while he is in no pain, in peace.
The second guessing(is it too soon) and guilt is unimaginable. But I refuse to wait until he is suffering.
It is even harder because as I watch him sleep in his fav spot on the couch, I know it won’t be long. I have kissed him 1 million times this week. Hugged him just as many. I wish there was a way for me to make him understand how much I love him, and how much he means to me, but I feel he could never comprehend this.
Your words have helped! It really does help to be able to see these stages of grief, and when they occur(especially the guilt), to understand why they are happening instead of just letting them take over.
Thank You!
[Reply]
Christine Kane Reply:
June 6th, 2011 at 9:37 am
Hey Bill,
One thing that i did with my kitty (and I’m doing with my other kitty who is now moving on too) is that I laid on the floor with him for about 45 minutes sharing (yes, talking aloud) ALL of the things I remembered about his life. It was funny because he really seemed to take it in and listen and purr the entire time. I made sure I told him over and over how great every minute it was to have him around. i shared all the things I loved about him. It was a space of true closure and completion.
there is no way to make it less painful. When you can accept that, you can simply grieve in the way you are meant to grieve. It will hurt for a long time. But it does get better. I still miss Atticus though! (and it has been two years since I wrote this post!)
Sending you light and love, Bill.
[Reply]
Thank you Christine
Peace…
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So glad I came across this – it hit home. My 15 year-old Akita mix, Pooja (prayer in Hindi) was euthanized on the 3rd. I’ve gone through everything mentioned in this post, and the advice is what I need to hear. Your suggestion above about spending 45 mins reminiscing about the past sounds so nice, and I do feel some remorse at not having been able to do that. We had not meant for her exam appt to result in her passing. We’ve been second-guessing and going through various scenarios, and I’ve struggled with guilt for letting her go then, although I know there would never have been a “good time.”
[Reply]
Christine Kane Reply:
June 7th, 2011 at 4:31 pm
Pria – with such a beautiful name for you and a powerful name for your pooja – i know you already know this:
But you can sit down now and still take that 45 minutes or write Pooja a letter and express all of that. Pooja is still very much with you.
(when i had a biopsy one year after atticus died, i swear that he appeared on my shoulder in his funny little buddha-cat pose and made sure I was grounded. it was so sweet and kinda funny.) It’s not too late.
Love to you. One of my platinum coaching clients just put her cat to sleep on the 4th – and it’s harder than any business challenge I’ve ever helped her through!
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i had my 10 yr , collie cross mollie put to sleep yesterday, she was diabetic .in the final 4 yrs of her life was blind.. last year i lost mollys sister .. judy who came along first and was my “baby” and i was upset but was sensible to realise that by putting her to sleep was best for her and that we had given her a good life . , but with mollys ,passing yesterday , the greaf seems worse . the house is now quiet whereas before it was full of life, . molly used to bark for a wee wee at 4am every morning , and i used to curse her every single morning , i would get up 5 times a nite now if i could have her back . i hope this feeling of loneliness and gutwrenching sadness goes away with time but im not sure it will, i hope that others who are going through this realise that they are not alone ….. Adrian jennings 45 yrs
[Reply]
Christine Kane Reply:
June 21st, 2011 at 10:11 am
Adrian – it really will go away. it’s just so overwhelming when you’re in the middle of it. That’s all. I think that having other animals around does help with it – so when you feel ready I’d consider opening your heart to allowing another four-legged into your life.
Sending you a big hug. I completely understand how challenging it is.
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I was forced to make the decision to put down my beloved Shetland Sheepdog, Tucker, in the wee hours of the morning on Friday, July 8th. The vet just called and I can pick up his ashes tomorrow. His passing was a surprise and shock that I am trying to come to terms with. I still cannot belive that he is gone. The missing him is unbearable.
When we went to bed on Thursday, all was well. During the night, Tucker woke me up with his jerking movements. He was trying to stand up, but couldn’t get his rear legs under him. When I looked into his expressive eyes, a part of me knew how this was going to turn out, even though I tried bargaining with God. The vet said it was something to do with his spine and there was only a 10% chance of survival. Those weren’t good enough odds for my amazingly joy-filled and silly boy, so I had no choice but to make that horrible decision. God, I love and miss him so much!
I am a retired person on a fixed income who lives alone and far from valued friends. Those friends have done their best to support and console me over the phone and by email. One of them sent me a link to your story.
Because of my financial situation, I don’t see how I will be able to get another dog. The only way I was able to “recover” from the loss of my previous dog, Shiloh, was when I got Tucker. The hole in my heart that the loss of Shiloh left started to heal over in the daily distractions of raising a new puppy. Shiloh would have liked that! But now, even the shelter dogs are really expensive. I’m left with doubting if my heart will ever be able to find another home and I look at the the seemingly endless days that stretch out in front of me with horror.
I’ve done this many times before with both dogs and cats, a few birds and even fish. I’ve always believed that the best way to honor the one you’ve lost is to do it again. And each time, I’ve gone into the new relationship knowing what the end will probably be. We silly, loving humans!
I’ll probably rejoin life at some point, what other choice is there? Just because I can’t see it right now, doesn’t mean it won’t happen. But living the rest of my life without a canine companion, quite frankly, scares the heck out of me.
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Lynne, may I suggest contacting your local vets and telling them you’re looking for a dog or cat. There are always loving friends looking for a home for free. In all my life, I’ve ‘paid’ for one pet — and it was from the shelter. All my other babies have been freebies (except for the spaying/neutering). Anybody would be thrilled to leave a pet with someone as loving as you.
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October 3, 2011 6:24 am
We had our beloved minature schnauzer (Max) put down today…He was diabetic and we had
taken him to New Orleans twice for eye surgery because he went blind…He did very well after the surgery both times…could see…and was a happy dog again…This was back in 2009 and 2010…Had been doing great….then last week he went off his food…we had to feed very low fat dry food because of the fat deposits in his eyes…we just thought he was tired of the food…that wasnt it….He woke up Sunday morning Oct 2nd shaking and would not eat…breathing was shallow and he seemed to be in pain…Took him to E Vets where they x rayed and found he was full of fluid and his heart was enlarged….We were stunned…He has never in his 11 years had heart problems… and they also found a large mass in his stomach which we knew nothing about…This is why he had stopped eating….They drained some of the fluid off but still could not see well enough to tell anything about the mass…We picked him up this morning Oct 3rd and took him to ourn vet for an ultra sound….He would not eat or drink and the fluid was starting to build up again very fast…Our doctor said evan if we did the ultra sound and found out what kind of mass was in his stomach that she couldnt operate because of the enlarged heart and that he was going into heart failure…she said he would die on the table unles we could get the fluid under control…I love this dog with all my heart and it was very hard to make the dicision to let him go…He was such a wonderful friend and a member of our family…I am still in shock….feel like I want to run screaming down the street ..have nof eaten for two days and cant seem to accept that I will never see him again.
He was my baby…my wonderful sweet boy and I have a big hole in my heart right now…I have another sweet schnauzer that is eight and I love him very much too but Max was here one day and the next day he was gone….I cant seem to come to grips with this…I feel like i cant breath and I have been crying for two days….I need to let him go but I cant….How do I deal with this…How do I go on without him…He was my baby boy….I expected more time with him..
Please…somebody tell me how to cope with this loss….I loss my mom 7 years ago and I loved her with all my heart but I did not cry day and night when she passed…I had time to adjust to her passing….Max was so quick…I had no time to realize this was coming….I had no time to begin to let him go….Please tell me what to do …….we both are in a very sad place and dont know how to pull ourselves up….can you or someone give us some advise on how to cope in the coming weeks and months….thanks
[Reply]
Christine Kane Reply:
October 3rd, 2011 at 9:27 pm
Hey Vikki -
I’m so sorry for your loss.
I know how hard it is. I really do. If you read the comments on this blog post, you’ll see so many people who have experienced the same things you are now experiencing. It’s heart-breaking, yes. And all I can say is this: That, in time, the pain diminishes. Slowly. But you will cry every day for a long time. I really believe that when our pets die, they give us the gift of grieving for everything we have forgotten to allow ourselves to feel throughout the past years. I know this isn’t comforting at all. I really know that because I’ve been there. Unfortunately, there IS nothing to do but feel what you feel, and drink lots of water, and eventually try to find your way to the gratitude for having loved so big and so real.
Sending you lots of light and love right now.
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Thank you Christine for writing me back….Your words are very comforting and you are right…there is nothing to do now but go through all these feelings….My family and friends have given me much support these past couple of days and It has be very much appreciated..thery are dog people also….I have had dogs all my life but never one that touched my heart like this one…He was almost human….Maybe it is because I am older now and retired that makes it harder…dont know….just know that it hurts deeply….I know it will get easier but I also know that this special dog will always be with me….He was one in a million not just for me but for all the people that met him…everyone loved him….and he loved everyone…Thank you for your kind words….vikki
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Christine, thank you so much for writing this post! I reached out to fellow “Uplevelers” who sent me a link to it today. I’m struggling with the loss of my beloved 16 year old Leo cat who had to be put down quite suddenly from Oral Cancer on Saturday. We basically had less than 48 hrs with him after we found out that his condition was terminal and he was suffering badly (not eating on his own and only weighed 4 lbs). We KNEW it was time with him and spent those last days kissing, petting, loving him, talking to him and doing all the special things we could with him. We had a family photo shoot, took videos and tons of photo’s to remember him with our other 2 fur babies. After we let him go we took a long drive in the country and mountains to view the beautiful fall foliage and yes, somehow being in nature was soothing (is one of the few things that helps).
This has been hard enough but in the midst of this tragedy we have been handed another challenge. The day after we put Leo down we discovered a lump on the back on our oldest (17 yrs) cat Tai and another on her leg. She’s also struggling to walk so we quickly took her to the Vet yesterday to find out more. In my gut I knew it was not good, as suspected she has cancer (3 tumors and visible abnormalities in her lungs) as well as kidney failure. The vet doesn’t think she has long, months maybe if we are lucky. I consider it lucky we will not loose them both in the same week but I’m second guessing if we are making the right choice to keep her with us since in 2 weeks we embark on a move to another state. I will pick her up today and we will monitor her for a few days and have to make this decision. Unlike Leo, Tai has been living in discomfort for awhile now (that we were not aware of) and she masks it well, purring a lot and so much life in her eyes and spirit.
Again, I just want to thank you because I’m trying to embrace this grieving process and recognize it as a opportunity to learn more about love! Isn’t that what it is all about? One blessed thing in all of this is that this grieving process has brought my husband and I closer but I’m worried about him bottling his feelings up and I’m worried about our youngest girl, Sachi since she is quite the soft hearted tender cat.
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Today we had to put down our oldest kitty, Tai just 2 weeks after loosing Leo. I know that the lessons of love I am learning through this grief will make me stronger and a more loving person but I’m reeling with sadness. I have another kitty who is sick and we move in 1 week. I feel so blessed that Tai gave us another beautiful 2 weeks with her and I will miss her and our little Leo so very much. Right now this pain is unbearable.
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The words about “Time,” so poignant and true, almost took my breathe away. I have been blessed to have had many wonderful animal companions – every small moment, every day spent with them becomes increasingly precious. I’m also thankful to have stumbled across this heartfelt and supportive article tonight following the loss of my deeply loved beagle, Toby. For 12 years, he provided the gift of companionship, cuddles like other, laughter and (and sometimes bad behavior!) and was always a special, meaningful member of our family. His loss is almost more than we can bear, but I have to believe that God takes care of all of his creatures. Thanks for these helpful words, Christine.
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Hi Christine
Thank you so much for your wonderful site. It has helped me a little as I had to let my precious cat “Cuddles” go to sleep on Tueday evening. He had been ill last year with pancreatitis, but was picking up again with the medication from the Vet. He was eating better without the pain he had previously and things were fine, apart from his constant scratching at his kneck. This went on from the time he was ill. He seemed to have an allergic reaction to some injections and so would rip at his kneck. On Tuesday he was sitting on my lap as usual getting stroked and tickled. He jumped down and went over to his own little square carpet he was allowed to scratch onand started biting at his back legs. I went over and spoke quietly asking him what was wrong. It was then that I noticed that his 2 back legs were dragging when he tried to walk. Then he started to get frightened, crying and vomiting. I phoned the out of hours vet and she said to bring him in right away. I was so upset, I phoned my son who came over to drive me over. He was howling in his pet carrier and it was so distressing, even my 40 yr old son was crying. The vet confirmed Cuddles had a blood clot after some tests. The outlook was not good (70%/30%). She said she would keep him overnight and give him pain relieve and a sedative, along with a drug to help break up the blood clot. I had to phone at 10 30 next morning, but at 9am the Vet phoned to say he was very poorly, the clot split but half was in his chest and he was struggling to breathe. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do; give the go ahead to put him to sleep. We didn’t get to say goodbye. My son collected him later that day and we buried him in my son’s garden in a quiet spot with a cosy blanket and his favourite toy. Just like all your other readers and yourself the pain is immense. As I live on my own the quiet stillness is sheer agony, although I have been inundated with cards, flowers, phone calls, visits etc. But Cuddles came into my life at a very difficult time 5 years ago at the age of 7. I got him from the Cats Protection League and fell for him instantly. He lived up to his original name as he was so cuddly and the perfect soul mate for me. I had just been divorced after 33 years of marriage and adjusting to life on my own (my choice). One of my son’s couldn’t come to terms with me leaving his Dad and didn’t speak to me much after that, but I still got my grand-daughters who were the greatest joy to me. Soon after, my other son got married, but my previous daughter in law didn’t like this relationship and this led to my son’s falling out and because I wouldn’t interfere, I lost my beloved grand-daughters and new grandson. It was the cruelest thing to ever happen in all my life and I have never seen them since. I had to have counselling for a long time and during this time I met Cuddles. He helped me through the tough years ahead. When I was sad or weepy he would come up and put his paws aroud my neck. He was loved by everyone. Neighbours always volunteered to look after him if I was away on holiday, he was such a friendly cat. So now I am grieving for my faithful unconditional loving friend. I have lost one cat before, many years ago, so I know what is ahead. But I like to think he is running about in heaven with my previous cat and my Mum and Dad looking after them and someday we will all meet up again. Thank you for helping me find this site and I am sure in time I will offer another cat a loving home. X
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Hi Christine…… I came across your site just searching for some hope.. some hope that i would get beyond my grief, sadness and depression……. and after reading your message and those of others, it has helped me some….
I lost my little baby girl… Lacie….. she was almost 10 years old. a mixed cocker spaniel….
I’ve had other dogs before… all of them rescues…but she and I had a special bond. I believe because I’ve raised my son on my own, and maybe after going thru so much in my life, i’ve learned to love alittle better with age and all that I’ve been thru. My son was almost 10 when we got little Lacie… so he more or less has grown up with her.
But as he got older and more independent… Lacie became my constant companion….
I took her jogging, I took her to friends, She slept with me every nite, and as she aged, she would cuddle up to me and lay her little had on my leg… I would not move all nite.
If i went on vacation, if I couldn’t take her, i didn’t go……
Anyway, 2 weeks ago, after showing NO signs whatsoever, she got sick on thursday nite… she was diagnosed with Auto-Immune/Evans disease….. long story, but for the next several days, she got worse,,,, we we hoping the meds would help… but that Saturday nite, she started breathing very heavy… i knew then it was near the end. Hope against hope, I was rushing her to the emergency vet, driving with my knee, holding her head while stroking her trying to comfort her and telling her how much i love her…… 5 min. away from the vet, she passed away. I thought my heart was going to stop. I’ve never in my life felt so much hopelessness,,, so much sorrow….
It just happened so fast….. it’s been 2 weeks, but it feels like it was yesterday. I go to work, I cry,,, I got to bed at nite and the missing her is so unbelieveable….. I find myself second guessing myself… “did I comfort her enough the last day she was with me?”….. Just stuff….
I know time heals…. but this wonderful little creature taught me so much….. I just hope she knows how much I will always love her.. and how much she brought to my life….
I will have another rescue…. it will take time… but for now, I just can’t believe how the pain of missing her is so strong.
thank you again for your words… they did bring some comfort…. Now i need to go wash my glasses off…How can someone possibly have so many tears?
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