“Relationships are forever. They are eternal. Not just permanent in this lifetime. Once you establish a relationship, it is an eternal relationship.” – Abraham-Hicks
Years ago I was at a workshop, sitting in a circle of women. One of them was grieving a death in her family, expressing anger and isolation.
She said, “…and you know what? If one more of my idiot girlfriends acts like she knows what I’m going through and shares some dumb-ass story about when her stupid dog or cat died, I’m going to explode.”
Of course, that anger wasn’t the truth of who she is. Anyone who has experienced grief knows that she was probably just trying to mask her intense sadness. Anger pretends it can do that.
For some reason, though, I thought of that woman at 1am this past Tuesday.
Atticus, who had been my special pal for 13 years, finally passed away after a long hard final week of a five-month illness. Silently, I assured that woman – wherever she is now – that my heart was shattered enough to satisfy even her needs.
Even though Mr. Patticus weighed in at only 4 pounds at his passing, I felt the grief of a hundred tons of spirit. After all, the sadness of letting go has so little to do with these earthly issues — like weight and form, or human and pet. It’s a matter of the heart. And thank goodness, our hearts don’t know such limitations.
I’ve been so touched by the number of people who have stopped their busy lives to share their stories when they found out about my beloved kitty. I love how common we all are – even the most stoic or the most mental among us can share with stunning detail an instance when they lost a dog, or a cat, horse or bird.
When a treasured pet dies, you may find yourself going through a kind of mental gymnastics – most of which is just a feeble attempt at distracting you from what you’re desperately trying to avoid: the heavy and unbearable sadness of letting go of something so sweet, so precious, and so connected to you.
Most thoughts can be noticed, accepted, or released – yet when you are in the thick of your grief, sometimes it’s hard to remember to do any of those things.
So, the following items are random. I’m posting them for someday. I’m posting them because you might need a friend-in-writing at some 1am of your own. Print this out and save it for that time.
These are pieces of my experience, and pieces of stories from other people. This is my attempt to remind you of the truth, so that you can get back to doing what you are meant to do when you lose a pet – which is to purely experience the release of this being you treasure. In that alone will you find healing.
Guilt
Guilt will sneak in at unexpected moments, telling you that you did it wrong, that you didn’t do enough, that you caused this to happen, or that it’s all your fault.
Guilt is tricky. It seems like situations cause it to rise up out of nowhere. But really, guilt just hangs around, waiting in the wings – and it waits to find the perfect situation to make an entrance.
In the highly charged situation of a sick pet who doesn’t have a voice, guilt is always available to fill the silent spaces. And it serves no purpose.
You find your pet, you love your pet, and you do the best you can. That’s all you can do.
That’s what you did.
Blame
Blame is guilt going in the opposite direction. You’ll want to blame the vet, or the driver of the car, or your boyfriend for taking you out that night when your dog ran off, which wouldn’t have happened had you been there.
Blame serves one purpose: to distract you. It’s not that you aren’t allowed to have moments of blame and anger – but remember that no matter how much of it you experience, eventually the sadness will be what’s waiting for you at the end of that long line of stuff. And you’ll have nowhere else to turn but in its direction.
Blame might postpone the sadness – but not forever.
Second-Guessing
A friend of mine told me that one of the worst things about putting her cat to sleep was the second-guessing that happened afterward.
Second-guessing is just guilt on Halloween. It puts on a mask called “Rational Thoughts” that offer you all the reasons why you did the exact opposite of what you should’ve done.
Atticus died as I held him on my kitchen floor. During this last hour, I was overtaken by fear. The second-guessing began. Had I made the wrong choices? Should I have had him put to sleep? I didn’t do any of this right, did I?
I was able to catch myself and remind myself that all I needed to do was be fully present to this moment, and we would both get through it. That’s all you need to do, too. Your presence is more powerful and more healing than your untrue thoughts.
Knowing
When you’re contemplating putting your pet to sleep, and you ask people how you’ll know whether or not to do it, and when it’s time, they will all tell you one thing, “Oh. You’ll know. You’ll just know.”
The truth is that you might know. And that’s great. But you also might not. I kept waiting to hear a “knowing.” But it never came. My homeopathic vet told me that it might never come, and that you just have to do the best you can do.
Life
It’s imperative that you experience life during this time. When Atticus was dying, Spring was in a “Hey it’s been raining for six straight days!” cheerleader-like exuberance, so I made myself go out into the woods with my dog.
I witnessed Pink Ladyslipper in bloom. I smelled the wet ground. I watched some Pileated Woodpeckers going to town on a fallen tree. I met a month-old puppy and reveled in his puppy breath.
It was as if the earth was shouting at me, “It’s all life!”
I didn’t believe it. But it helped me remember that it was all there for me to return to when I’m ready.
Give yourself time for life and remember that, as Eckhart Tolle reminds us, the opposite of death is birth. Not life. Life doesn’t die.
Time
No matter if your dog was only three when she got hit by a car, or if your cat lives to be 29, you’ll want more time. You’ll bargain for it. You’ll pray for just one more year. You’ll swear that you’ll be grateful 365 days straight.
Atticus had a lifetime of me bargaining for more time. Homeopathy pulled him from the jaws of death on several occasions. I was (and am) grateful for all of it.
But it didn’t make it easy to let go when the time came. I still held tight. I even made a few feeble bargaining attempts. But eventually, I had to surrender and focus on gratitude for the years he lived.
Of course, surrender doesn’t make the sadness go away. It’s just that you no longer are clinging quite so tightly.
The truth about time is that it is only ever now. And all those nows that you had with your beloved animal were perfect. But this now is different from those nows.
Protection
My mom had two dogs when she was little, and both of them died unexpectedly. One day her dad announced that he refused to allow any more pets in their home because he couldn’t stand to go through any more broken hearts. He managed to hold fast to his rule, and my mom never had another pet in her life. I never said this to my mom, but I find it interesting that her dad died of a massive heart attack at a young age.
You might want to swear off animals forever. You might tell yourself that you can’t possibly go through this ever again. While it may take some time to allow another pet into your life, the idea that you can protect your heart from pain by sealing it off from love is ludicrous. As one of my Platinum Coaching clients wrote on her coaching form last week:
“I’ve spent so many years, pretty much all of my life, working so hard to avoid feeling pain that I never let myself see beauty either.”
As long as we’re on this planet, we might as well experience it, revel in it, take it all in, live big, cry hard, laugh a lot, and love every being that will have us. What’s to protect yourself from?
It’s an honor to love something so much that your heart breaks when it moves to another plane. It’s an honor to be loved back, too. There’s joy to be found – even in your sadness.
Judgment
Some people will find you ridiculous. You will cancel engagements and get rolled eyes. Your family might whisper about you.
“It’s just a cat.”
“Why all the fuss over a dog?”
Don’t waste your energy being mad. Whether it’s the joy of a pet, or having your own business, or getting fired, or losing a parent – if someone hasn’t experienced it, then they just don’t understand. They will someday. In the meantime, be willing to be judged. You’ve got more important places to put your attention.
Surrender
Lastly, let’s talk about the moments of sheer peace, surrender, and enlightenment. You will have these, too.
You will have minutes, maybe hours or even days where you feel a deep surrender to the process of life. You will marvel at your clarity, at how you are able to release with love this being that you cherish with all your heart. You’ll wonder if Pema Chodron will be phoning soon to ask you how you do it.
Love these moments. They are truth. But don’t berate yourself if you burst into tears the very next hour, and beg your pet not to leave, and bargain with God to make sure you never hurt again in your life. It’s a part of the roundabout cycle of loss.
The peace will descend again too. It’s who you truly are. And it will return. And it will last longer each time. And your heart will slowly take it in and heal itself into the full joy of being once again.
If you've ever believed it was impossible to be totally authentic AND make lots of money in your business - then you're not alone. Purposeful entrepreneurs want it REAL - and I promise to deliver! Get my FREE DVD, and I will walk you step-by-step through my own Uplevel Fast Track Formula for making money... on your own terms and in your own way. Enter your email and let's get started!
Add to del.icio.us
Stumble It!
Subscribe to this feed
Digg it
|
Comments:
Share this Article:
|
{237 comments ... read them below or add one}
{237 comments ... read them below or add one}
← Previous Comments
Christine, I’m sorry to hear about Atticus’s passing. I know he was dearly loved and had a wonderful, full life with you.
We lost two cats within 6 months of each other eight years ago. I still carry a tiny bit of guilt over the second cat’s passing (that feeling that I didn’t do enough or didn’t do it soon enough.) It is probably why I watch our current two cats like closely for the slightest change in behavior. They are my kids after all.
Thank you for sharing your feelings. I’m sending you warm thoughts and Mr. Pippin (currently on my lap) send you warm purrs.
Peace,
Amy
[Reply]
Christine,
We are so sorry to hear about Mr. Atticus. Animals become such a HUGE part of our lives and are considered part of the family. The pain the is associated with losing a beloved pet can be overwhelming. Anyone that hasn’t experienced that loss or is not an animal person doesn’t truly understand the depth of that emotion. Through the year, I’ve held many of my 4 legged babies as they have passed away and the only comfort that I’ve found during that exact moment is that they knew they were in the arms of someone who loved them so much. While I couldn’t always make their pain go away, I always hoped the comfort of my arms around them and my voice made it bearable. At the Wilkes home, we have 4 4-legged canines who were all rescues. We have 3 4-legged felines who were all rescues and we have 2 rabbits that were rescued from becoming a snake’s dinner. You could say we are pet friendly
Thank God my oldest daughter is a junior at UNCW working her way to becoming a vet. While our house can sometimes become chaotic and rather noisy, it’s a house full of love not only for the people who live here but for the animals that always bring a smile to our face even on our roughest days.
You’ve written such a lovely blog and I am sure that Mr. Atticus is watching over you and smiling and telling his new friends how proud he is that YOU are his Mom and gave him the love that he needed. He’s probably also saying — WHAT?? I’m checking out things in the woods- will you give me a minute
You’re an inspiration and I’ve learned some much since I found your site and went to your first concert. Your music is a daily part of my life and sometimes when it’s upside down and I wonder – what the hell I’m doing here…My Ipod seems to find me and your music is the calm during the storm.
We love ya girl!
Keep up the fantastic work and we are so looking forward to your upcoming CD!
Take Care of yourself!
The Wilkes Household!
[Reply]
Thank you so very much for this post. I lost one of my greyhounds to an accident two months ago (three days after my arrival in the UK) and I have been through and continue to go through everything that you’ve written here. Just the fact that you wrote it down helps me remember that I’m not insane and that it will get better.
Mr. Atticus has to be so proud, wherever he is now.
[Reply]
Dear Christine
I am so sad to hear about Mr Atticus I am sending you so much love.
I have had many many animals in my life, and when we moved here to Spain there were 22 cats and kittens in our new garden, all wild. After a few weeks of getting to know them and taming them a bit, we had them neutered and they all stayed. It has been a very special 9 years and we have learned a lot. We are now down to 6 and with each one’s passing there has been a huge gap, but you have put it so beautifully, thank you so much.
Lots of Love Pam
[Reply]
Christine,
I’m so sorry to hear of your loss. Thank you so much for sharing this post. About a month ago, my cat of 18 years left me. He knew it was his time to pass on to another life so he just went out the cat door into the yard and found a way to slip under the fence and leave in the middle of the night. He had never left the yard before that. I felt terribly sad because I wasn’t able to be there with him at the end. I went through all the emotions you mentioned in your post. I know he loved me as much as I loved him because he wanted to spare me the pain of his having to leave me.
Love and peace to you,
Renee
[Reply]
You post was beautiful & moving…. You continue to amaze me…how at such a seemingly difficult time you are able to move beyond & reach out to comfort others. My sincerest condolences on Atticus’ passing. My heart & thoughts are with you.
[Reply]
love, love and more love, c. xo kathreen
[Reply]
Christine, I am sorry for your loss. In my experience it is a privilege to share one’s home, love and life with an animal and especially privileged to bear witness and love in their passing.
Your essay expresses all of that. Thanks and Love, Andrea
[Reply]
This is beautifully written, so poignant and sensitive.
“It’s an honor to love something so much that your heart breaks when it moves to another plane. It’s an honor to be loved back, too. There’s joy to be found – even in your sadness.”
So true, even though I think it’s the hardest thing in the world to experience. I can’t find words to express the sheer gut-wrenching-heart-aching feeling that is the physical experience of losing a beloved pet. But those moments of clarity are pure serenity, we seldom experience such moments in our every day lives, and would surely not recognise the feeling if it weren’t for the depth of loss that is grief.
Thank you for sharing your story Christine, I know that I am who I am because of the animals who have graced my life thus far.
[Reply]
Oh thank you for that. I just lost a beloved little gerbil. So sweet and affectionate. You think people think you’re crazy for mourning a cat? Guess how they respond remorse over a lost gerbil.
I was blessed to learn how big a heart can be in such a tiny animal. Unfortunately rodents don’t live long. She was only three. In the past 6 days, I’ve had all those feelings you write about so eloquently. Especially the guilt and the blame. Thank you for sharing your story.
Shereen
[Reply]
I so needed to read every word of this. I googled “Abraham-Hicks on putting animals to sleep” in hopes to find a suggestion or two on “how and when we know when”…. or when to simply let nature takes its course.
My dog Sushi (a 10 yr. old Shih-Tzu) has lymphoma cancer. He’s outlived the vet’s guestimation for survival by 3-4 months. He did amazingly well for the first 8-9 months (if it weren’t for his swollen glands, you’d have hardly even noticed)…. and then suddenly, this past month, it’s as if he hit a brick wall. He’s hobbling around like an old man who can’t move without his walker. He yelps when I pick him up, and tumbles to his belly if you try to stand him on his own 4 legs. It’s crazy to witness such a drastic change… and, as you know… a heartbreaking experience. I’ve had him since he was a puppy, and he’s such a mamma’s boy.
I know the day is coming soon where I’ll have to either put him down or hold his as he passes. Or maybe I’ll wake up or come home to find him “gone”. I keep trying to prepare myself for it, but then that takes me right out of the present moment NOW, where I can still hold him and pet him.
Your words have provided comfort, and a reminder that this experience will be another part of life. And though I know the sadness may not fade for awhile, the relationship is never-ending.
Thank you. Warmest Namaste.
-Kris
-Kris
[Reply]
Thank you for these continued beautiful comments.
Shereen – i had chameleons when I was little and so I’m with you on the gerbil. Humphrey was a chameleon that I had a truly an indescribable connection with. I rarely share it with anyone – and i still think of him with all the tenderness I had back then. So, size doesn’t matter. i’m sending you lots of love.
And Kris – your comment made my eyes fill with tears. I know exactly what you’re going through. Just know that you have all these people who have commented here who understand your experience right now. I am sitting here blessing both you and Sushi. I”m glad you found this post and that it gave you a little comfort.
[Reply]
Thanks to Trikaya on Twitter, I was brought to this page. Just last week I had to put my beloved cat of almost 15 years to rest. I so struggled beforehand about how to determine when the time was right, but what I was sure about was not prolonging any suffering of his for my own needs. I committed to honoring him through his illness. Not an easy task for sure. My humanness kept coming in and finding reasons to cancel the appointment for the humane euthanasia.
The love with a pet is pure. It’s the purest love there is – no head games, no belief battles, just love. Christine, I am so sorry for your loss. Know that your angel is still with you in spirit. Stay in touch with each other.
And, if you’re interested, I invite you to read that account of my Kramer’s passing. You’ll find it on my blog here: http://www.kerriscorner.wordpress.com.
Sending light your way,
Kerri
[Reply]
Christine, my heart goes out to you. I still miss my beloved Moony Cat, who went to sleep on the 19th Feb this year, my dearest little companion for so many years. I have to admit I still struggle with incredible guilt, when I had to make the decision while she was on the operating table, and the vet discovered that the tumor was inoperable.
It is incredibly difficult, for the pets that stay behind too, as they truly do grieve as well. My three year old niece, who knew nothing of my cat’s passing, and had not seen any of the other cats, walked up to me the day of Moony’s passing and told me that Talulah, my other cat, was very sad. My niece in deed has an amazing affinity with animals, and she was right, Talulah watched over and protected Moony from when she was a little kitten to the day she left us, and she truly displayed sadness for a good while.
We are blessed to know such love, which will always be with us, and remind us how beautiful life is, even though there is immense pain. I look forward to meeting my little companion again on the Rainbow Bridge.
Much Love
Janine
[Reply]
My beautiful 15 year old kitty, Tommy, was put to sleep this morning. He too died in my arms and I’m going through everything you wrote about in your blog. My grief is so intense that I can hardly breath.
My friend Elsa sent an email to me this afternoon with the link to your blog. I confess that I knew nothing about you,your blog or your music, but through Atticus and your profound words,I feel comforted by an old friend. I’m looking out at the most beautiful New Mexico sunset. I can’t help but think that Tommy had something to do with it.
Thank you, thank you Elsa, and thanks to so many of your readers for their sharing.
Jackie
[Reply]
I had missed the astute and observant posts. Now I know why. He looks like my dear cat who I know always watches me and has sent me (I know she wouldn’t approve of him in the slightest because he is not royalty) another friend. Somehow or another, even now, no one will ever live up to her high standards! Clyde is a reminder of that everyday. She was the best, but he is a pretty good cat, nonetheless. I know she is hoping that someday soon, he puts a little regality in his strut so she doesn’t regret it too much.
[Reply]
I too have just lost my kitten, Bobby was just 4mth old.Its just been 2 days and i miss him so much it hurts to the core,its like losing a child,I feel all of the things you have mentioned esp guilt, he was hit by a car.I feel he was just a baby and i let him out when i shouldnt have.I am also angry,not at the driver but at God for the spitits that could have protected him,why didnt i have a longer time with him.
I also feel embarrased that i get so upset,like people say,it was just a cat,but he was my baby,i loved him so so much.
I keep hearing him cry,I am spiritual but cause of the sadness i feel not sure if it is him or in my head and its freaking me out a bit.I just want to see him again,miss the things he used to do,like suckling on me as if i am his mom,in a sense i was.Just want this dark feeling to pass.
The kids want another kitten to fill the gap,but i cant replace Bobby and dont want to.
Any advice can i love another without feeling guilty and disloyal to Bobby,would Bobby approve.
any advice would be grateful,how long should i wait
[Reply]
Thank you so much for this. I lost my beloved, Persian, Sonja, about two months ago and recently decided to get another Persina. I’m lucky to have a number of people who truly understand, but there were some things I didn’t say out loud to anyone and here you were, reading my mind! Thank you so much. I’m so sorry for your loss.
[Reply]
I lost my english bulldog a few day ago too soon 3 1/2 years only. I believe you have the right understanding for how to start the process in recovering from this tragic event. Surprise in an early loss is even worse as it broadsides you and there has been no time to plan and slowly move toward these emotions. I was throw in head first and have been trying to find some peace not any closure for my loss. Thank you for what you have written and god bless your best friend as I pray god blesses mine.
With loving memories to my Peanut
[Reply]
Dee Reply:
January 3rd, 2011 at 4:35 pm
I am reading all these posts with tears running down my face. I lost my beloved puppy Karma she was only two years old. She took off after a bunny in the off leash park and someone must have hit her and never even stopped. She made it back to my door and just looked at me with hurt eyes. I am trying to find solace in these posts but I feel my heart is broken and shattered and I will never be whole again.
[Reply]
Thank you so much for these gentle, comforting insights. My beloved old cat, Teddy, is nearing his final days and I’m finding it so hard to accept this reality. I expect that I’ll be turning to these words here again and again. I just need to remember–as you said–there is joy to be found, even in sadness.
[Reply]
steve – i tried to send you a special email, but the addy didn’t work. yes, i understand how hard it is to go through that sudden loss. my first cat was hit by a car and i thought I’d never get over that. this experience with atticus was different. but like i said – there’s never a point where it’s easy and you can just let go! i’m sorry for your loss.
holly – i’m sending you lots of love and light. i was just thinking last night as I went to bed of those weeks before atticus died and how i can’t believe i made it through. i don’t know that there is actual JOY in that sadness. but i do know that it’s all a part of the joy of LIFE. I’ll ask mr. patticus to hang out and wait for Teddy. (he’ll be in good paws that way!)
[Reply]
I happened upon your words, and am so glad you took the time to examine your pain. I just lost my sweet yellow lab, Bessie. She was 15 years old. My head knows she had a Montana life that was canine paradise, but my heart is broken. I can still feel my cheek against hers, and if I close my eyes I can feel her leaning into me for a belly scratch. Bessie ran wildly through meadows and rolled in scat despite being absolutely ancient. She barreled into old age like a rolling keg. I hope to do likewise.
[Reply]
Christine, my heart weeps for your loss and rejoices for your memories of your sweet kitty. I found myself teary-eyed while reading this entry. Knowing that there may come a day when I face the loss of my beloved Pomeranian who is very much like a child to me. [unhealthy, I know, but I still "humanize" her and find myself wishing that she could miraculously talk to me
] Thank you for your writing and I know that it will prepare hearts for the future.
[Reply]
i lost my beloved dog exactly one week ago, this will be the saddest holiday in my life. 14 years of memories will always be in my heart. the whole family grieved for him.what makes the pain even greater was that he died while i was abroad, and that he was with a vet instead of his family. yes, if only i could read his mind, knew the pain he went through. he was the kindest, most loving dog we ever had…. i love him and will never forget him for the rest of my life….
[Reply]
we lost our best friend Rambo on November 8, 2009. our whole family is grieving over his passing. there is a deep sorrow in our hearts. he was our “dad dog”, the heart of our family. we have Roxy his life partner and three of their offspring (Marty, Molly and Mickey) still with us. it hurts to see the dog family also miss him as much as we do. he was a wonder and a joy with a heart the size of a mountain. his capacity to love was amazing. it is taking time to put his passing into perspective and for it to find a place in our daily routine…some days are better than most. we love you Rambo and hold our memories of you foremost in our hearts.
[Reply]
TYVM Christine.
I was one of those “it’s only a cat” people before I got my first kitten 12 years ago. I couldn’t have been more wrong. I just lost him 3 days ago, a sudden attack and he died. I consider myself an iceberg in many sad situations. The loss of my best friend of 12 years has left me in heartbreak, longing for his warmth and friendship, his purrs and whimpers, in this now empty home.
This page is a blessing for us in mourning a pet. The best I’ve come across on the internet in this sad time.
Thanks again.
[Reply]
Dear Christine,
Way back in 1991 I was given two Persian cats (1 black and 1 blue-grey) and I called them Flossy and Sooty. Young Flossy had been involved in an accident and the vet told me that she was a lovely cat but I shouldn’t hold out too much hope of her living a long life. But a long and fantastic life she lived. I had to take the decision this morning (Jan 21st, 2010) to have Flossy put to sleep. Kidney failure and arthritis had finally caught up with her. Words cannot express the sorrow I feel inside. It has taken me completely by surprise and I’ve found myself on the internet trying to get advice. Your words (and all the kind posts submitted) have been really helpful in realizing I’m not alone in my grief. It’s late evening as I type this and I miss my little devil so much. I held her and stroked her as she passed from this existence to the next. I know that when this raw pain has dulled I’ll be able to see the happiness we both gave each other. Sooty is still with me and I can tell he misses her too. We have each other for now, and while I know Sooty is also a ripe old age, I intend to make the most of his company and unconditional love until it’s his turn. Thanks once again for your lovely words and wisdom.
[Reply]
My heart goes out to you, John. One of the things about this post is that the comments that show up are always from someone who is experiencing the painful first moments of loss. In my infinite capacity for control-freakishness – I wish I could somehow take that away. I can let you know that time does heal the heartbreak. (though i still miss mr. patticus all the time!) And the gratitude piece (that Sooty existed at all) will become bigger and bigger too.
[Reply]
Yes, it’s extremely hard when our PET is passing on.
We had ours for 10 yrs, when we adopted Freddie, he was about 7 with FIV +, everything you wrote really touch me, I’m still crying and we had to put Freddie to sleep on 5/1/2010. I had my daughter take Freddie to the Vet and I thought he was not feeling well and just needed some medicine to get better because Freddie stopped eating 4 days before that. I was a total shock that the Vet said Freddie has Kidney cancer on both of his kidneys and he was in lots of pain.. The Vet suggest to bring Freddie home for the family to spend one more loving day with him… It was extremely difficult for the all of us… the kids were crying all night and till the next day.. I can tell Freddie was getting weak….. I am just glad that I found this site..I kept asking myself what if I knew Freddie wasn’t feeling well and if I take him to the Vet earlier, could it extend more time? I was hoping Freddie can spend 3 more yrs with us till he is 20.. I’m still crying as think of Freddie, no matter if I was driving or sitting at my desk at work.. Sincerely.Mei
[Reply]
Hi Christine and all you lovely people,
I was one of those, who was afraid to get a pet ,because I would love it ‘too much’ and dreaded the heartbreak. But I did find my little irresistable furry friend, and I love her more than anything in the world , and yes I am afraid I love her too much , and I know I have a deposit on a broken heart.
However reading a post like this encourages me to embrace every moment of sheer joy I have while she is in my life .
And that love will live on forever : )
[Reply]
Christine,
Thank you. I lost my Peanut about two months ago to cancer. She was my soulmate. I went through all the things you spoke of and so it is wonderful to see it all in writing and know that some people experience things the way that I do. I still miss her terribly. I tried to say no more cats, but my husband wouldn’t let us. We are now the proud, albeit crazy, owners of three Siamese kittens and one old orange tabby. Thank you again.
[Reply]
Hey Christine,
Thanks for this. I had two wonderful cats for so long- Tyler and Mikala. They were best friends too, lying and sleeping all over each other, licking each other. Last month I knew it was time and I put Tyler to sleep. He was so skinny and couldn’t walk anymore. He was 19. Exactly three weeks later Mikala died in a freak accident with the garage door, something I was absolutely not expecting. She was 10 years old.
I don’t believe that I had both of those cats for so long, that they were so close to each other, and them both passing in the same month was a coincidence.
Reading your post made me cry, which is good, because I’ve been going back and forth with the feelings for a while and sometimes it’s really hard to cry. It’s a release and it feels good.
Thank you!! My condolences to you and all of the other people that shared their experiences in these comments.
Sincerely,
Laura
[Reply]
I had to put to sleep my beloved cat of eighteen years this morning. The vet was very good
at helping me keep him two years after losing my husband. I am feeling heavy grief over
this. We cuddled one more time this morning and I said goodbye and told him I loved him.
He was so weak as he had been so sick I took good care of him and just could not see
him suffer. The weight of sadness is so great at this time. I have not stopped crying.
I knew this day was coming and I think he did as well I could tell this when I eyes met.
When I lost my dog it was the same way. Don’t ever think they don’t have souls they do
and the bond we have with them is so strong. I miss him so much. Just had to write it
down I’m alone with my sadness right now.
[Reply]
It means a lot to read this blog and the comments knowing others have experienced this
grief. Thank you so much for your e-mail it meant so much truly. The loss of my beloved
Ted a cat that I had from a kitten and my grandson was a baby they all grew up together.
It’s a sad day for all of us we loved him so very much and he loved us in return. This
house will never feel the same again without him. Our love endures and always will.
[Reply]
Dear Christine:
It is 4:30 in the morning. My heart is broken for today I had to put my 18 year old cat to sleep. Amber was my baby. I was not blessed with children. I have been a pastor for 18 years. Everyone comes to me for guidance in the spirit. I feel so lost and empty. I felt Amber was my child from God. One with unconditional love of the highest. Always there for me when I walked into my empty apartment. I was greeted with such pure love. I would pick him up and hold him in my arms as a baby. He would stay that way with his paw petting my face. I also have a pet dove and he would sit on Amber’s back as Amber ate his food. Amber was the most gentle soul. I have tried to pray but all I can do is cry and I feel lost. I was guided to your site and Thank you for the words. I am planning a trip to Appalachia with my Outreach Program one heart period for August 13, 14, 15,. We provide free furniture and clothing and house ware items to ones in need in the name of Jesus. I have so much work to do to get the trucks and my team together for this mission trip . I feel time has stood still and all I can do is think of my beloved Amber. On my web site http://www.oneheartperiod.org you can see a picture of Amber with my dove. He is the last picture on my mission pictures titled my family. He was my Child, just a little person with fur. I Thankl God he put this wonderful cat in my arms and i thank you for hearing a pastor’s heart of grief.
[Reply]
Hi Mary Ann, I hope you’re OK. I’ve just lost my little guy, Dusty, who was 16. Everywhere in the house, I long to see his funny little face and hear his croaky mew. I feel as though my heart is breaking. His absence is so tangible and hurts so much. Thanks to Christine for this important post which encourages us to cry and acknowledge that our pets are a cornerstone of our lives – part of our identity, our support system. I know you’ll still be crying Mary Ann, so I’m sending lots of love
Sarahx
[Reply]
Thank you. I was searching for help and comfort and you gave it to me.
Chloe, my little 5 year old Bengal kitty has been missing for 5 days. I can’t stop crying and looking out the window expecting to see her home. All the comments from so many who have lost their beloved pets gives me comfort. I just wish I knew where she is and what has happened. I miss her so much.
[Reply]
I”m sending blessings to all of you who have posted here over the past months. I know that the pain subsides with time. But I am always struck at how intense it is for each person as they go through this. So happy this post adds some healing light.
Jan – Whenever someone’s pet is missing, I always send mr. patticus (who is now the patron saint of all household pets) out to fetch them and bring them home. I’ll send him a message now. I know how hard it is when your precious baby is missing.
[Reply]
Thank you for this heart-soothing site and all the posts I am reading, with my tears streaming down, so totally heartbroken. 30 hours later, this is very raw, yes. That others really understand has made this a bit easier to bear. I am grateful for all that is written here, a salve to my extreme hurt. The most special friend and beautiful little character, just pure delight can’t really been gone, just like that, so shocked and devastated I sit here. Felix is the heart of my heart. God gave me 4 FANTASTIC years being his mommy. What a special gift. I do feel angry that he has gone so young…It just seems terribly wrong. I will trust there is always forever for us to be together again, in my heart and one day in another dimension. Thank you again.
[Reply]
I am missing my little “Marshall” girl. She was a blind blue heeler that entered my life after losing my Pop. Marshall was my therapy dog. I had purpose in taking care of her. She needed insulin twice a day, a special diet, and eye meds in the morning and evening too. Marshall was a spayed female of 14 1/2 years who developed a mammary tumor (rare)around November of 2009. Due to her age and physical condition- the diabetes was maintained, not fully controlled, it wasn’t a positive choice to have surgery. I worked in Veterinary medicine for many years and knew the risks outweighed my selfishness in wanting to keep her with me a little longer. When I lost my Mother in May 2010, I lost my bestfriend and Marshall was there to be my therapy dog yet again – faithful til the end….September 17, 2010. She was in my arms as one of my close friends in the Veterinary Clinic I once worked in helped her leave this world for the next. I truly have loved and lost, yet I will always have the comfort of my friend Marshall close at heart.
[Reply]
Thank you, this is very well written and helped me feel a little less ridiculous for being so upset about my little dog being hit by a car the other day.
[Reply]
We lost our 14 yr. old yellow lab, Abby, a few days ago. In my arms she passed away and I am still so saddened. I’m not used to the quietness in the house. I miss the “clanking” of her dog tags as she followed me everywhere. I was searching for some sort of comfort. I guess I wanted to know I was not alone in my grief over the loss of a pet. I believe God led me to this site. What an amazing, beatifully written piece. What a comfort it is to know there are others that care so deeply for their pets and understand the pain in losing them.
Thank you.
[Reply]
Bethany Reply:
December 27th, 2010 at 7:29 pm
I am so sorry for your loss of your yellow lab Abby, I just lost my black lab Abby 4 days ago. I held my baby as she peacefully took her last breath. I also believe that God has lead me to this site and esp to your post as you too had an old lab named Abby. Ours was 12 years old and we loved her so very much, thank you for sharing your story and for letting me know that I am not alone.
[Reply]
Hel Reply:
December 31st, 2010 at 7:45 am
We had to say goodbye to our sweet gentle Libby on Dec 29. We are heartbroken too. Thank you for this site and the words that I hope will help us find peace. This is the saddest moment of our lives but we feel blessed to have had 13.5 years with our beautiful sweet girl. Our doggie enriched our lives in immeasurable ways.
[Reply]
Im so sorry about Atticus. I never knew until I looked online just how many people get so depressed over losing an animal. I thought something was wrong with me. I had a beagle. He was my baby and his name was Scooby. Ive had him since the month before I turned 7. Im 19 now. Ill never forget the day he was born. My dog Kelly gave birth to him and his brother Lucky who we gave to a close family friend. Lucky sadly died a few years later but we had Scooby for just over 12 years. I just feel so bad all the time. There was something wrong with his gums so his breath smelled extremely bad and people didnt want him around too much because you could smell it from across the room when he was breathing heavy. He was like any other dog. He got excited when someone came home and followed you around for a few minutes sniffing you and wouldnt leave you alone right away and I feel so guilty because I have so much going on that most of the time I didnt want to be bothered so I yelled at him to go away. I dont think he liked being alone. He had this laundry basket that he slept in. He loved it. It had blankets in it and everything. But he only slept in it during the day. At night he always slept by my door or my moms door. Sometimes my brothers but it was mostly mine and my moms. But if one of us had our doors open he had to sleep in the room with us. I just feel so bad that I locked him out so many times. The past 6 months have been pretty hard on everyone here. My grandmother got sick and after she got out of the hospital she came to stay with us until she got better. She didnt want the animals in her room, (my moms room), because they shed so much. Well I let Scooby sleep in my room sometimes but I like having my door shut at night and I didnt want to shut him in my room with no way out, so most of the time he was in the hall all alone. Last month he started peeing in the house at night. We found out he had a bladder infection and got antibiotics but it didnt do much. He still peed in the house. He was peeing in my brothers room so we all made sure our doors were shut all the time so he wouldnt pee in there. If I would have known he was going to die I would have let him sleep with me anyways. I just wish I could go back. You should know Scooby LIVED for food. I Swear! He was a bottomless pit! If there was food around he was going crazy! Well any kind of food except for fruits and vegetables. Weird right? But thats the only food he’d spit back out. Well the day before he died he wouldnt eat anything. I knew something was wrong but I didnt think he was so sick we were going to have to put him down. The next day my dad found pee and puke all over the carpet but instead of yelling at him like he normally would do he just took his food and water bowl outside on the deck and had him lay out there while he cleaned it up. My mom came home and found Scooby just laying out in the middle of the yard. So she had to pick him up and take him to the vet. They said they could do all sorts of tests but they could end up finding out they cant do anything and he was so sick looking and miserable so I went up and said good-bye to him and they put him to sleep. Im so afraid he thinks I didnt love him. I just didnt pay enough attention to him. I know i didnt. There is just so much going on. My grandma is back in the hospital. Shes dying and she will more than likely be gone before Thanksgiving. I just lost my other grandmother last year. She was the first person I ever lost before. I mean, I lost my great-grandmother when I was 4 but I barely remember. It was sad yes but last year was really the first time I had to deal with death in my life; and I was 17. It was 2009. Exactly TWO weeks before my graduation ceremony and my dads mom died. And I was the last one to see her. She lived with us for 6 months until my dad just couldnt handle everything anymore so she went back to a place where they could give her round the clock care. My dad was supposed to go see her that night but I had his car and it was late when I got back so he said he would go tomorrow but she died and he never got to say Good-bye. And its my fault. He never said anything like that, and I never told anyone how i feel, but I cant help it. And now a year later my other grandmother is about to pass. My mom is a wreck and things just are not going to great around here. I just dont know what to do anymore. I feel like I have too much going on. I cant handle all this. And when Scooby died it just put me over the top. I didnt spend as much time with him as I would have liked but that doesnt mean I didnt love him. I actually never realized just how much I loved him. I just was not ready to let him go. I feel like its tearing me up inside. I dont want to talk to anyone or hang out with my friends. I dont even want to leave my room. I just feel like crying all the time. I dont understand any of this. I hate feeling like this when I really am very blessed. I have a wonderful family and a wonderful home. I have so many people that really care about me. But I just cant help but feel so depressed. There are so many people who arent as lucky as me. To have wonderful parents and brothers and friends. I dont know what I would do without them, yet I cant talk to any of them. Im really good at listening and giving advice. Im the one all of my friends call crying about all of their problems. And I help them. But when it comes to myself, im just no good at talking about my feelings. I prefer to keep them all inside. Well I did talk to my hamster before she passed, and I talked to my 2 kittys. (And Scooby of course). But besides them I don’t really talk to people and I dont know if it makes me uncomfortable or what. But I do know I hate dumping my feelings on everyone else when they have their own problems to deal with. And the other thing is I think im afraid that if I do decide to trust someone with the way I really feel, yes im sure theyll be there and listen, but im afraid really theyll just be thinking, “oo wow thats whats wrong, I have way worse problems, you cant possibly be that depressed over that”. I feel that no one will truly understand how everything that happens in this world affects everyone differently. Everyone handles their problems in their own way and some people cant possibly see how something that seems so simple or ridiculous can really tear up someone. My hamster (Pinky) that I had for over 2 years died when I was 13 or 14 and I was so upset I stayed home from school the next day. I loved Pinky so much and I only had her for a short time. But I loved her and I used to tell her everything. I loved talking to her. Wow I cant believe I wrote all that. Once I get going I just cant stop. Well im sorry. If you want me to take my comment off because its so long I will. Id just like to say to everyone who goes through this I think ive got a pretty good feeling how you feel. But what I feel most is regret, guilt and this overwhelming sadness. I didn’t spend enough time with Scooby and there is nothing I can do about it now. If I could go back he would be sleeping in my room regardless of the fact that he might have ended up peeing in here. Some may not believe me but I really would. I just wish he could know just how much I love him and how much he really means to me. He may have been 12 but ask anyone I know I still called him “ my PuPpY” even though he clearly wasn’t a puppy anymore. I have this huge place in my heart for Scooby. Way bigger than I ever thought possible. It stuns me how much I am torn up over this. I knew id be upset but im falling apart here. The big place in my heart feels like it was ripped out and I just don’t know what to do. You could tell me it will get better but I just don’t think I can believe it until I experience it myself. It just hurts sooo much. I just cant stop thinking about the way he looked that day. So unbelievably sad and that’s what I think about most of the time. I feel like he felt so alone. Like none of us cared that he was feeling so sick. I want so bad for him to know just how much I really need him. Just how much I want to see him again. Im grateful at least that my mother is paying for his ashes to be returned to me so I can have him always. Always and forever.
[Reply]
Hi I posted the comment above this one and if someone could please tell me what to do I would really appreciate it. Scooby died Nov 2 and yesterday, the 10th, a little over a week later, my kitten got hit a car. She was a little over a year but she was my baby. My daddy let me keep her as an 18th birthday present. I cant stop picturing her lying in the street with blood all around her. The poor thing. I loved her soo much! I cant stop picturing her. My dad walked in my room and told me not to look out my window because she had got hit. I thought he was joking at first and when I realized he wasnt I thought maybe she was still alive and he was going to take her to an animal hospital or something but that wasnt the case. I had to look and I know I shouldnt have but I did and now that image is stuck in my head. My poor baby! She was still a baby! And so funny and full of life. Ive never seen another cat like her. We called her Pee-Wee cause she was the runt of the litter but she always had the most energy. She was the only kitten out of the five who could climb out the barricade we made when they were babies.Ugh I just cant take all of this pain and loss! The day before she was hit my grandmother died. 3 deaths in a matter of 8 days. I just feel so broken. Please someone tell me I will get over this. I dont feel like I will ever get over seeing her lying in the road. It just hurts so much. I dont think ive ever felt this way before. .
Thanks for listening to me. .
[Reply]
Christine Kane Reply:
December 28th, 2010 at 12:31 am
Michelle –
I just now am catching up on comments on this post. Please know I’m sending you light. I know how hard this is. And yes, you WILL get over it. My cat was hit by a car years ago, and that moment of finding her and carrying her home is still in my mind of course. But so is the love. You will learn to thrive again. you’ve been through a lot. Be kind to you!
[Reply]
Maka died two days ago. She was my English Pointer, 2 years old and so vivacious and gentle and funny. She was hit by a car and died in our neighbors yard. She died before animal control got to her. When she did not come home I called animal control but they were closed and the next day was a holiday. Today the Animal control officer who had taken the call came to talk to me about what had happen. He had buried her already with the other dogs. It hurt me so bad to hear that she had been crying and layed down to die. I never heard her cry; she was a happy loved dog. My brother died 2 months ago and my best friend 1 month ago; now Maka has died. I too am suffering grief and have only the hope that it will subside in time. It seems only a very few friends understand this pain of losing a beloved pet; but the ones that do and offer condolences, well it helps alot. I am sorry for all the grief of each person who wrote here. Knowing that the rest of you and Me are out here… please be comforted that someone else knows what you are going through.
[Reply]
I want to thank you for writing this. My wife and I lost our beloved Jack Russel, Woody, last week. He was everything to my wife and I. He made us laugh and smile.We loved him so much. The past week has been very hard on us and we will never be the same without him. What you said really helped both of us and I just wanted to say thank you.
Neal
[Reply]
Wiggles Blue Heeler aka WigglesBlue Heeler, was the child of my heart and soul from the time he was 9 weeks and 3 days old until his great heart ceased its earthly measured beating at 7:14 AM on Sunday, December 5, 2010, two weeks ago. For twelve-plus years, Wiggles was my sweet heart, constant companion, and perfect match. We enjoyed the same things, from walks to quiet times at home to “going places and meeting people” (everyone was his friend). He never barked or growled at anyone or anything, except his jolly ball with the wiggly giggly inside, which he herded at least two or three times each day. He was utterly gentle, this dear blue heeler who saw with his eyes for the first six years and his heart the second six. No one will ever know just how much my heart aches for his physical presence, to be able to reach out and touch his soft coat or one of his ‘little feets’ or hear his feet on the kitchen floor, coming to rescue me from the computer. There can never be another, for he was not only my dog of a lifetime, but my best friend for my lifetime and the child of my soul. Google “Wiggles Blue Heeler” and learn more about this precious soul, surely on loan from Heaven until God just got so lonely for him that He called Wiggles home.
[Reply]
It is amazing to me that even after a year, people are still reading and posting on this blog. I lost my 12 year old black lab Abby on December 23rd 2010 and am looking for some kind of pain relief for my heart. I have gone through every emotion so far except for the peace. I want peace from this, but it is still so new. She was my baby and I have had her for more than half my life. When it came time to put her down, I couldnt let her face it alone, so I went in the room with her. She left so peacefully that for a moment I was so happy that she was out of pain, but then my selfish ways came back and I wanted more time with her. I loved her so much.
Reading this blog, it brought more understanding to losing your best friend.
Thank you all so much for posting and sharing your stories. You never know how much you could help someone else who is also enduring the pain of losing your friend.
[Reply]
I am reading all these posts with tears running down my face. I lost my beloved puppy Karma she was only two years old. She took off after a bunny in the off leash park and someone must have hit her and never even stopped. She made it back to my door and just looked at me with hurt eyes. I am trying to find solace in these posts but I feel my heart is broken and shattered and I will never be whole again. Karma left this world in my arms on Dec 30, 2010
[Reply]
Christine Kane Reply:
January 4th, 2011 at 8:56 am
Dee – I’m so so sorry for your whole experience. You will be whole again, I promise. For now, just let yourself grieve. There is absolutely nothing that will make you feel better at this moment. Just know I’m sending you light and give yourself full permission to feel however you need to feel.
[Reply]
Thank you such a lot for this. I lost my beloved, Poppy, concerning 2 months ago and recently set to urge another Persina. I’m lucky to own variety of individuals who actually perceive, however there have been some things I didn’t say out loud to anyone and here you were, reading my mind! many thanks such a lot. I’m thus sorry for your loss.
[Reply]
← Previous Comments