Reach Out and Trust Someone

Written by Christine Kane

When I’m on the road (which I am now) I dig out my laptop and google the local and organic food options. Then, I drive around whichever town I’m in, getting lost and turned around til I find some amazing gem. (Last week, I discovered Jackie, an un- chef who creates the most amazing organic raw to-go meals for Mama Jean’s Natural Foods in Springfield, MO. One of her listed ingredients is always “love.”) Some people think this behavior is radical and hyper-intense. To me, it couldn’t be more normal. I’m passionate about it. It matters. (And yes, I have my occasional Olive Garden, Taco Bell, and Qdoba moments, as well.)

I thought about my “radical and hyper-intense” behavior when I read this recent post by Seth Godin. It says a lot about how connecting with people on a personal level creates better trust in products, in safety, and in work. In other words, you don’t have to run from spinach if you’re buying from a local organic farmer.

Connection creates trust. Not just about the product or the external thing, but also about you. It creates a trust in your own self and your own choices. Consciously and continually choosing to spend a little more energy, time, or money for something that has been created with more care and personal attention builds into a solid foundation of self-care and self-trust. Once you get that, you want to live a life of it.

I seek out connection. And I’m rewarded, in that connection often finds me. (Leap and the net will appear, no?) I get the opportunity to be a part of daily connections and see the vitality and joy they bring to all the parties involved.

Here are just a few examples in my life:

- The student-run farm at Warren Wilson College sells its organic vegetables at a market in their shed twice a week. I am in love with their faces, smeared with dirt and so proud of what they’ve grown. I am in love with the grateful residents who excitedly walk in the shed to see what goodies are there. It makes shopping for groceries fun.

- My acupuncturist spends two hours with me every time I visit. He is intuitive and expert. He listens intently and explains thoroughly. The treatment rooms are designed with care. Working one-on-one with wonderful healers like him was the biggest aid in healing my bulimia. Yes, it costs pocket money and not insurance money. But I’d rather give my money to something that empowers, rather than something that scares. It’s been a worthwhile investment!

- I had the honor of meeting two bloggers this past weekend: Tom Vander Well and Mike Sansone. They brought their wives to my show in Des Moines, IA. They came only because I’m a fellow blogger. They took a chance. It blew me away. The small connections we’ve made became a big gesture to me. Even though I’m not exactly a “business blogger,” I get why blogging is so popular. It’s the connections and interactions. It’s not just about selling things.

So, how do you connect? And if you feel that you need work in this area, how can you connect? What small things make a big difference to you? And, most importantly, how can you be more connective and present to others in your work or in your life?

Spinach is not the enemy. Don’t get hooked by the hype. Reach out and trust someone.

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{15 comments ... read them below or add one}

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{15 comments ... read them below or add one}

Tom Vander Well September 20, 2006 at 10:27 am

So glad to make the connection, Christine. We had an absolutely wonderful time at your concert and I can’t wait to have you bless Iowa (and its’ bloggers) with your presence again! :)

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christine September 20, 2006 at 2:39 pm

Thanks Tom! I’ll be back soon…

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barb September 20, 2006 at 7:50 pm

just read seth ‘s blog and I now know why I hate the phone: I can’t look that person in the eye. It is important to me to do the hard stuff in person. It is too easy to sound contrite when I am apologizing on the phone. If I can see you and you see me, then you will know that it is a sincere response. I can fake a cheery response to someone on the phone when in actuality I am in a hole. There are a few people who know me well enough that I can’t fake it, but then those are the few I call. On the flip side, perhaps I should trust the other person to be sincere over the phone because I am sincere (unless you are my mom and I don’t want you to worry any more than she does. She has enough to worry about with my dad) I can see that I have a ways to go in the trust dept. As the sci-fi computers say: working, working.

barb

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Susie September 20, 2006 at 8:23 pm

Christine,
I’m glad you found Mama Jean’s, it used to be a favorite of mine while I went to school in Springfield.

One way I like to connect is sharing. Sharing feelings, thoughts, talking to folks face-to-face, hand shakes, etc. One thing I’d like to share with you and your readers is a new book. It’s called “The True Power of Water: Healing and Discovering Ourselves” by Masaru Emoto. I know you’ve talked several times about how much of an impact positive self-talk has on ourselves and this is another book that resonates with that. It also aligns with Jackie’s ingredient of “love” for her menu items as well as the book you’ve shared with us, “The Biology of Belief” by Bruce Lipton and the movie, “What the Bleep do we Know?” I hope this helps and I wish there were more people like you and Seth Godin that realize the importance of connecting with others. Thanks!

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Kimberly September 20, 2006 at 11:20 pm

I have had to think a lot about my connections recently. What are my motivations for connecting? I have a lot of male friends. I am wondering if I am repressing crushes or romantic feelings. I am famous for not realizing that the “best friend” is the one I should be with and not the “hottie” or “Mr. Right Now” I usually end up with. Is there someone right in front of my fact that is perfect for me that I am missing? Until I figure this out, I am on a “romantical sabbatical.” I have a lot to offer in a relationship and I want to be sure I make the right choice and that I know myself. In a weird, unexplained burst of inspiration, I wrote a song last Sunday night called, “You Could Take Me Home.” I hadn’t written in weeks until 10 days ago. The song talks about what I think many “social butterflies” like me need in a connection with a signifcant other–someone with a quiet spirit that quells the restlessness in our bones–someone we can just be home with. I think there is value in that kind of connection.

I have a friend that I love but this friend feels like people aren’t worth the time and connections are useless. I think that is a sad, cynical way to look at the world. I used these lines when I spoke to a civic club recently–People hurt, but people heal. Often we hurt others without meaning to,or maybe because of some turmoil inside of us and vice versa. When that happens, I examine the relationship and see if it is worth keeping. Some relationships just drain you and “hook” you into that drama triangle. I used to be easily hooked and often I would “hook” other people. I am changing though, faster than I expected. If the relationship is worth it, you will forgive, heal and often be closer than you were before.

Christine, thanks for challenging me to think and examine my own connections. I can’t wait to see you Oct. 13!

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Starbucker September 21, 2006 at 12:59 am

Yes Christine, it’s those “connections and interactions” that make such a difference in building trust (and enjoying blogging to the fullest). That’s why I spend so much time on the road, talking to my teammates in the field face to face – how can they ever trust me if they can’t look me in the eye every now and then? If I’m not connected, I’m lost. If I can’t trust (and be trusted), I can’t live. Thanks, and all the best.

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christine September 21, 2006 at 7:36 am

Hi Barb, What a great realization to have about the phone. You’re right. It’s always better in person. Glad you liked Seth’s stuff…

Hey Susie, That’s a great book! I use it at my retreats and workshops. It’s funny how seeing that one word “Love” added into the ingredients made me want to go ahead and take a chance on raw food cuisine. (Needless to say, I wasn’t disappointed!)

Thanks Kimberly! Great observations about your relationships. In the end, it’s way more worth it to trust and be open… I look forward to seeing you on the 13th too!

Starbucker! (I was at the “open mic” night the other night and you logged off without saying hi! very sad me.) And of course, you know more than I do about the great connections in blogging. And you’re obviously a great guy to work with too. You’re clients and co-workers are lucky!

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Starbucker September 21, 2006 at 11:50 am

I think you were logging on as I was logging off – sorry I missed ya! I’ll make it up to you, I promise. Hope you are enjoying your travels. BTW, I played your “Southern Girl” to my wife the other day and it put a big smile on her face (and I so love her smile), so great work!

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christine September 21, 2006 at 2:52 pm

Starbucker… that’s okay. I didn’t take it personally ! (I read your blog enough to know you well.) That’s interesting that you found Southern Girl! An old song. I’m happy to make your wife smile too…

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Dblwyo September 21, 2006 at 9:12 pm

Kristine – speaking of reaching out for connections my path to your blog and entry was the extremely positive reaction to your entry on ‘Quitting’ (which I’d like to translate as do what you find is your best and highest good; and be quiet in yourself until you can hear yourself) on a chain of ‘hard-nosed business/finance blogs. You know where year-over-year changes in GDP are fascinating dialog as well as the tradable lows in June and August. Strange that values matter all over.

Speaking of connections and trust – with my translation – what I was reminded of was some of the writing of Epictetus. Which I came to thru the writings of Jim Stockdale, the man who organized the POWs into a civilization inside the Hanoi Hilton and based his own values, faith and trust on Epictetus and trust in his comrades. You might find his collections of essays in “Thoughts of a Philsophical Fighter Pilot” interesting and worth your while. Or maybe not as it’s a far world….but still :).

In any case I’ve enjoyed several of your other entries and have bookmarked your blog.

It’s not only a small world but on odd world.

Best to All.

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christine September 21, 2006 at 10:42 pm

Dblwyo, Great thoughts! Thanks for the praise and all the great references. Glad to have you among my subscriptions!

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Dblwyo September 23, 2006 at 12:15 pm

My pleasure. If you should happen to run across a copy of Stockdale’s book (available used very inexpensively at AMZN) you might find a lot of of useful tools and thoughts. Albeit from someone with a very different starting point. But in your counseling practice you might perhaps run across folks who live in worlds of pressure and stress that it’d resonate with. For example Jim Collins (of ‘Good to Great’ fame) found a lot of inspiration from his talks while at Stamford with Stockdale. Even if you found youself disagreeing that would provide stuff to mine.

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