9 Surefire Ways to Become Un-Hookable (Part 1) - Christine Kane

Note: This post is a continuation of a series. If you’re new to my site, please read this post first, and then this post next before you continue reading the post below.

One of my favorite Far Side comic strips is set in hell. There are flames and piles of ash everywhere. Workers are toiling in the heat. Amidst them is this dorky-looking guy in a striped shirt with glasses. (Gary Larson drew this type well.) The guy is pushing a wheelbarrow and whistling, oblivious to his surroundings. In the foreground, Satan is talking with one of his helpers, and he says, “Somehow I don’t think we’re getting to that guy.”

Even though I’m not encouraging obliviousness or denial, there’s such a delight in the idea of being that unattached to your surroundings or all the ups and downs of the human drama. That’s why this is so funny.

Most people don’t want to be unattached. They just don’t want to deal with the work it takes. It’s easier to be unconscious and unaware. It’s easier to blame others for what hooks you, isn’t it? This is the mainstream. It’s the backbone of day-time television and much of the news and politics and pop songs.

The problem with living like this is that it makes you a reaction machine just waiting for the next thing, the next perpetrator, the next asshole to piss you off and make you call all your friends and tell them all the details. This is fine if you’re in high school, but it starts to wear down on you. And once you start to get it, once you actually feel the difference in your body when you actively shift the negativity in a situation, you won’t want to go back to your old patterns. You might slip up here and there, but you’ll find your way back.

So here’s the deal: You can’t be hook-able if you’re conscious and aware. And not just some of the time. This is about being 100% present in every moment. You’re simply not hook-able or gettable when you’re fully present NOW. This is because when you’re present, you’re mindfully observing your own reactions, your own hooks (which is what it’s all about anyway) and you know that all of these reactions and hooks are just thoughts.

If you don’t know what I mean by this, that’s okay. This isn’t something you try to do. It’s something that evolves. It’s a life-long process for those people who choose to live this way. In the meantime, there are ways you can move in this direction.

My favorite quote from the DVD “The Secret” came towards the end, from John DeMartini. He said, “When the voice and vision on the inside become more profound, and more clear, and loud than the opinions on the outside, you have mastered your life.”

He is describing ultimate un-hookablity.

So, how do you begin on that path to being un-hookable? Here are 9 ways. They have changed my life radically.

1 – Know Yourself

Keep a journal. Start writing daily. Watch your own patterns. Watch how you react to your life story, to others, to the setbacks, the traffic or whatever. Take 5-minute breaks to check in throughout the day, asking, “Where am I now? What am I feeling? What’s happening in my body?” Breathe and create space in between activities. Distraction prevents you from living in the present. Silence and space open you up to it.

2 – Know your Current Vulnerable Situations

Are you in the midst of change? Are you going through a medical or family crisis? Are you shifting work or taking on a new challenge? Anything like this can make you a little more vulnerable to hook-y things. Just be aware of it so that if something hooks you, you’re more prepared for it.

For instance, as I write this, I’m in Northern Virginia dealing with a family medical emergency. (This is why I haven’t written a blog in many days.) I’m visiting my dad in the ICU three times a day. I’m holding positive energy and knowing he can heal. I don’t want to let any other reality enter my mind. It’s very easy to get tired or discouraged with even a single comment from a nurse or family friend. So I have to realize that this is a situation that’s going to test me, but that I have a choice about my thoughts and how I show up, especially when I’m in the presence of my father. This doesn’t mean I don’t cry or have emotional releases when I get back into my car. It means that I hold the knowing that he will heal in spite of his current state (or what the doctors have been taught to say to ward off law suits!).

3 – Uncover and Shift your Beliefs

This might sound like an activity you can do in your office one fine afternoon, but it’s not. It’s a process. As you grow and change and come to know yourself, you’ll continually uncover beliefs that you’ve held for years that might not serve you anymore. Approach them with curiosity, and then work at changing them.

For instance, I recently heard a young artist refer to herself as a “starving artist.” Starving artist is one of the most lame belief systems around. The idea doesn’t serve anyone, especially not the artist. I encouraged her to open up to a better reality than that. Artists can get so embarrassed and scared about money that we would do well to spend many days with our journals writing down every negative belief we have about money, and work at shifting it. Start with each belief by asking, “Is this true?”

Remember this quote from Einstein: “The most important decision we make is whether we believe we live in a friendly or hostile universe.”

Your beliefs will dictate how your life looks. Get some good ones!

4 – Observe

Look all around you at how many people get hooked daily. Listen to conversations. What do people talk about? Observe all the interactions. Be a witness. (But be careful of becoming self-righteous. Saying, “Look at all these idiots getting hooked!” is still a form of getting hooked!)

Watch people get hooked. See the everyday dramas. The dramas are often miniscule. But many people let themselves be ruled by them. Observe yourself as well. Observe news headlines. Always ask yourself, “Is this how I want to see my world? Do I want to adopt this viewpoint?”

5 – Take 100% responsibility for your life and everything in it

The bad news is that you are responsible for everything that happens in your life. This is not blame. This is the Law of Attraction. The good news is that when you grasp this idea, then you can begin to change your world from within. In fact, after a while, you won’t even see the first part as bad news. You’ll use this truth to shift the dynamic of each situation so that you look at it from the healthiest place possible. How did I attract this?

I remember meeting a man on a hiking trail one day. He was hiking and then he’d stop to smoke. And then he’d hike and stop to smoke. He hiked along with me for a while. He began to complain about his teenage daughter who had begun to drink. He didn’t like her friends. He hated her habits. I found it ironic that he was standing there chain smoking as he complained about his daughter’s habits. When you don’t like something in your own life, ALWAYS LOOK WITHIN YOU. You are the source of it. Shift that, and everything shifts.

Read Steve Pavlina’s newest blog on this very subject.

Tomorrow I’ll post Steps 6 – 9…

  • Melissa

    I found your site this morning after doing a google search on how to remove drama from my life! 🙂 I love your advice and am quite happy to have found your blog. It funny because after speaking to friends, family and “professional listeners” over the years I never felt any better about anything! And now I see why! Those people were always there telling me how everyone else is so bad and how I am such a victim on and on. I honestly feel I became “hooked” to that way of thinking and resigned to the idea that I was this “unlucky” person or “victim” all the time. I always felt in my heart that i was not a victim, but I could not take 100% responsibility either as I was torturing myself with self blame all the time. And you are right!… It is very very exhausting. The key is to focus on what I want and to let all the crappy emotions pass.. to focus on what makes me happy. I have a lot to still learn from you and am looking forward to more of your blogs… and vlogs! 🙂

  • Kate

    Hi Christine,
    I just stumbled over this post and had to stop and comment.
    I am sending this on to my mom and all my friends who will benefit from reading your words.
    You are SO right !
    Thanks for sharing your insight with the world…you’re helping to make it a better place to be for all of us !
    Big virtual hugs to you and your Dad.

  • christine

    hey there SBUX! Thanks for the kind wishes. #5 is the biggie. Yes indeed. Especially in all that I experience in this situation with my dad!

  • Starbucker

    Blessings to you and your father Christine – I’ll be pushing out all the positive energy I can muster this evening. Keep finding the beauty in all you experience. Amen to your list and to #5 in particluar – my life changed so much for the better when I figured that one out. All the best.

  • christine

    Thanks to you as well, Stephanie! I’m deeply grateful for your thoughts and prayers, of course. I read to my dad too. I was reading a mystery set in Italy, and I stumbled over the words. At one point, as he was falling asleep (but I wanted to keep the sound and rhythm of the words going) I entertained myself by trying to read the book like various film characters. I have to say, I do an awesome Liv Tyler as Arwen Evenstar in Lord of the Rings.

    Good for you on the responsibility thing… that’s a big one. And you’re right…it’s SO freeing.

  • Stephanie

    Christine – Positive energy, thoughts and prayers coming to you from Ohio. I love the picture of you singing to your dad. When my dad was in ICU I read him Shakespeare. Not that I’m great at Shakespeare, but he loved it.

    The 100% responsible philosophy is SO freeing for me. I no longer look outwardly for my validation and affirmation, but inwardly. No longer is anyone able to bind me with chains. At least not for today! I agree with Rick – this is becoming a great series on how to live consciously.

  • christine

    Thanks Kathy! Actually, I’ve had lots of deeply peaceful moments in the ICU. I played guitar for my dad late at night while he slept, and I had a whole audience of nurses and other visitors outside the door. It was quite beautiful. And some of the nurses are extraordinary people. They’ve made a huge difference. (I, being clueless, brought in a bouquet of 15 sunflowers for my dad because the room is so drab and looks out onto a brick wall. The nurses had to accost me at the entrance of ICU to let me know that flowers aren’t allowed. Oh well.) Thanks for your thoughts…

  • Kathy

    Christine – there is good energy to be found in every situation. Hold on to it as tight as you can!! Don’t let the negativity hook you. At first, I found good energy hard to detect in hospitals but it is there. It’s there in those support networks that are bolstering up the patient and families, it’s there in the caring medical staff showing you there are capable forces at work to make your dad more comfortable as he heals, it’s there in the steady sound of the machines in ICU. When my sister Cindy was going through her bone marrow transplant and in an almost coma for nine days, sitting in that room with her I actually found peace listening to the beep beep beeps of the monitors. Outside the room, it was more chaotic – people crying, laughing, releasing in their own ways – but in that room it was almost meditative for me, allowing me to release when and how I needed to. Do whatever you need to do to keep in that good energy and avoid those negative hooks like crazy!

  • christine

    marykatherine, thanks for the kind wishes. it definitely was the right thing for me to do to spend the week up there. (i’m back now. i’ll be heading back up in a few days.)

    rick, thanks! i appreciate your prayers. (so does my dad.)

    marty, thanks for your thoughts. yes, the 100% responsible thing is a big one! (does that include chainsaws?)

    chickiepam, thanks! i’m so grateful to have affirmative prayers for my dad…

  • ChickiePam

    I’m right there with you, Christine, knowing that your dad is in his perfect place and time, and in radiant health. I remember him from the wedding and I can’t see him now, so that’s easy for me to do.

  • Marty

    I agree with Rick. This is becoming a manual on how to live consciously.

    The GOOD NEWS is that I’m 100% responsible for everything in my life. My experience when i first realized this is that the motivations, impulses, hooks, etc. were pretty obvious (in my face so to speak), ultimately making them easier to deal with and shift.

    However, as time goes on (I’ll be 60 in October) more vigilance is required – more presence. It seems the hooks and my reaction to them are more subtle – not as easy to see. This is one reason the Enneagram has been so helpful to me.

    Cant’ wait to read 6-9!

  • Rick

    I just want to second what Mary Katherine said, Christine. Our prayers for your dad and family.

    This is a great series. It’s becoming a manual on how to live consciously.

  • mary katherine


    There are lots of us out here holding you and your dad and your family in our hearts. I know that you know that what you’re doing right now is very important and everything else can wait as long as it needs to for you to do this work.