Beware of Everyone - Christine Kane

Exhibit A:

Woman says to her coach: “I’m lowering the price on this package. Everyone says that number is too high.”

Coach pauses. Then she asks: “Everyone? How many people have said this?”

Woman thinks for a moment.  She says, “Well, there were two, actually.”

—-

Exhibit B:

Guy announces to his mastermind group, “People keep telling me I should offer this whole other service so I’m going to hire someone to make that happen.”

Coach squints her eyes and asks, “People? Who? How many?”

Guy looks up at the ceiling: “Um. Let’s see. In the past year, I think there were two – no, wait! – there were three!”

—-

So, you know how sometimes when you do a presentation or speech, they hand out these feedback forms to everyone in the room?

And of the 50 people in the room, everyone says positive things and maybe a few of them even rave?

But in that pile, there’s these two feedback forms that are not so nice?

So…

…which of those feedback forms will stick with you for, like, the next three weeks?

Yeah. I know. Me too.

Well, your lizard brain works that same way when it comes to ideas and changes in your business.

Enter “Everyone” and “People.”

The vague notion of “all things” is your lizard brain’s way to get an added punch when trying to distract you, persuade you or derail you for whatever random reasons it has.

As a coach, my motto is “Beware of ‘everyone’ and ‘people’.”  That means I am militant about the use of these two words when it comes to changing course, altering pricing, making decisions and supposed feedback.  When a client comes to me with a bright shiny new idea, or a reason to stop doing something, or a sudden change of direction, I start in with my questions.

If I ask the right ones, the truth often reveals itself.  And many times, the truth is that this new direction has been inspired by the infamous “everyone” or the ubiquitous “people.”

“Everyone tells me…”

“People keep saying…”

Maybe it’s because we have this neurological need to pay attention to every nit-picky, critical or even seemingly thoughtful idea that someone tosses at us.

Or maybe it’s because we’ve spent our lives giving more weight to our feelings than to the facts, or even to the proof.

Or maybe it’s because we are masters of doubting our own capabilities and ideas.

But for some reason, we often equate one or two people with the entire planet. Never mind that up til now, we’ve been building momentum, getting clients, and are otherwise totally on track.

Now, of course, there will be some feedback that’ll be the perfect information to take you to the next level. You will hear the same comment from tens or hundreds of ideal clients.  And you will be grateful.  And you will correct course and please more people and make more money.

And there will be products or offers that don’t hit their numbers.

BUT…

(and this is a big but… which is why it got its very own paragraph)

…until you have ACTUAL feedback, or a review of your marketing and sales sequences…

…all you’ve got is the drama queen in your head telling you that EVERYONE has offered this nebulous opinion and PEOPLE everywhere are waiting for you to do something about it.

“Everyone” and “people” are like “always” and “never.”  It’s the language of hysteria.  It’s not the language of truth. And certainly not the language of decision.

So, here’s what to do…

The next time you catch yourself saying, “Everyone has been telling me to…” Or “People keep saying I should…”

Do yourself a favor and ask yourself one simple question…

“How many exactly?”

And then follow it with one more…

“Is that number enough to justify making this big of a change or is there another way to look at this?”

Hey, maybe this isn’t something you even do.  Maybe I’m taking a few tiny instances and turning them into a great big deal.  Everyone keeps telling me I always do that.

38 COMMENTS ADD A COMMENT
  • Cheryle Yin Lo

    I totally agree about the use of ‘everybody ‘ ,’everyone’ and ‘people …‘ it can challenge you and create self doubt about the cynicism of people about whether Vision boards truly work. My bookings have been a bit slow for my next workshop and the venue ( creative hub) asked me to take my price down as they were assisting in promotion and said they found it hard to sell and have never had a workshop like this before. All I know is that pervious people who have attended my workshops have had mindblowing results happening their life !

  • Patricia Stevens

    Yes, people and yes, everyone. For some odd reason what people think has been a problem until just recently. It’s almost like you and I are on the same wavelength. It dawned on me that I have been looking, and asking for friends opinions on just about everything. This new business I’ve ventured into has got me stumped. It is different than the other businesses I have had. There are certain aspects of this business I know nothing or very little about. Moving forward has been a real challenge. However, moving forward is what I am doing, and my lizard brain has had to go sit on a rock, because I am not listening to it anymore. It is empowering to make decisions and feel good about them and not let other people affect my business. My other businesses were successful, no one else had a hand in that. Somehow I began to doubt myself, no more. Thank you for being so awesome!

  • Pam

    Thank you! “Everyone” has really been in my head all month! I really could relate to what you shared. I love your suggestion of waiting until we get the same feedback from several people before taking the feedback seriously. Thank YOU!

  • Tina

    You know I like this recording much better than some I keep in my brain. Thanks for the advice. I look forward to your next post!

  • Deb

    I love these powerful insights to our thinking and conclusions! With this simple shift in perspective and key questions to self, I can stay grounded and keep moving forward past the doubt! Thank you, Christine for this one (and EVERYDAY of UpLeveling 🙂 )

  • Beverly Efughu

    Excellent, Right On The Mark.

  • Amy O’Brien

    Love this and absolutely so true! I’m on my second vision board workshop and two people have said to me “Wow you are asking a lofty price for admission and I must admit it caught me for a moment and I wondered, perhaps maybe everyone is right, then I stopped and as the next payment for a ticket came in my email I thought “ Well I’m valuable and the ones who see it are paying it!” The more than two 17 to be exact for my first event didn’t think so and then they spread the word and now I’m filling my second one one month later ! Going to remember this write up when those one or two “everyone” try to invade the lizard part of my brain again !

  • Roxanne

    So true. I’ve been derailed by that kind of thinking too often. Thanks for this, Christine.

  • Fredena

    You speak the truth. Totally agree, thank you for this post!

  • Star

    Brilliant

    Our grand sabatour

    Yes
    I recognize it’s name …

    Ms. Everyone j. People

    Thanks
    Much gratitude for the. “Shift “
    Love
    Star

  • Dorethea

    Simply well said love this!!

  • Chelsia Berry

    I am re-committing to upleveling. “Everyone” and “people” have steered me into more deadends than I would have gone down and never on a road I enjoyed.

  • Edwenna Morales-Rodriguez

    I always ask “Who IS everyone? Because that’s a LOT of people!”

  • Allie Frishkorn

    This article was perfect and right on time for me. Thank you!!!

  • Raederle

    This was such a cute fun post! I love your ending. And you’re so right. I do that ALL the time… “I keep hearing…” “I’ve read in multiple places…” “People keep telling me…” And it’s usually less than four. FOUR!?! Or LESS? That is nothing up against the real needs/desires of the 7 billions of the planet. It IS the language of hysteria, just as you said. Perfect way to put that!

  • Ramona King

    Thanks, Christine. It’s amazing how one or two people can feel like 50 or a mob even. That statement “Everybody says…” has sent me curled up in fetal position. This article really puts this in perspective…emotions vs. what’s really going on here. I’ll be sure to check the numbers before I begin a statement with “everybody” or “Mostly everyone”. No doubt, it would save my career and sanity.

  • Eryn

    Thanks for this article, Christine. I had an episode of “this is never going to work” last night because the students I’ve spoken with aren’t saying yes. Debby asked me “How many students?” I said 4. And to me, that’s EVERY ONE OF THEM in the universe. Thanks for the reminder that I’m just getting started and that 4 does not equal Everyone!

  • Cindy

    Lol I LOVED this post! I felt as if you were talking directly to me because I take criticism to heart and am trying to make changes because “everyone” thinks it’s best all the time. Thanks for this!

    • Christine Kane

      Hey Cindy – Interestingly, this isn’t always about criticism! Sometimes it’s people telling you they want you to offer something that you don’t currently offer, and sometimes it’s just a whole new idea they have for you! I think the key piece here is to recognize when you are turning it into a “survey,” rather than an opinion! 🙂

  • Paula

    Trust your gut.
    Last month “they” said, Nice painting, but who will buy it?

    I hung it proudly in the show. Even though we had not met yet, I knew exactly who would buy it.
    And I put the largest price I had ever asked. I knew it was worth it.

    Then, “they” said “Great painting, but OMG, did you see the price?!?”
    Last week, “they” were there when that person walked in, fell in love with the work and wrote the check.

    Don’t listen to everyone, every time.

    • Christine Kane

      Wow Paula! This post, in and of itself could be its own blog post! You go girl! So happy to read this!

    • Paula

      Thanks Christine!
      When ever I doubt myself, I’m going to recall the moment I heard it sold. It’s a new foundation for trusting my instincts and viewing my value.

  • Sandy Rees

    I’m busted. I’ve done this more than once. Thanks for helping me notice that behavior.

  • Dori

    So true! We tend to let the 1 or 2 negative comments stick with us. It’s important to take a step back and remind yourself that you can’t please everyone. If you ask for feedback about your biz and someone comes out with something way out of left field, fight the temptation to keep shifting gears.

    If that’s not where your heart is, don’t do it! I’ve recently begun saying “Thanks for your honest feedback.” It doesn’t mean you have to listen to everyone, every time.

  • Thea van Dijk

    recognizable. Most of the time it’s because I feel insecure about the subject.

  • Julia Barnickle

    Brilliantly put, Christine. I know that I sometimes fall into that trap, although I’m good at picking it up in my clients – funny how that works, isn’t it? And I really identify with your comment about the one or two “not so nice” feedback forms. (Note to self…!)

  • Roxane Lessa

    Love this, raving…..Christine, I recently got a loooooooong email from one of my students in my new Sat. Artist Salon class. She offered to give her feedback and i accepted. I know her a little bit, so I took a lot of it with a grain of salt. But what was interesting is that I didn’t try to contort myself to change every thing according to her feedback. Some of it was good, some not. Also, “everyone” and “people” often come up with well intended suggestions, that I know are not what I want to do with my biz. It’s getting easier and easier to say, no, that’s not what I do.

  • Lauren

    Awesome! This is so true and yes it is amazing how we focus on the one or two not so nice comments! Oh to remember that it is JUST feedback and not our truth. Thanks Christine for this reminder. 🙂

  • Jennifer

    Such good insight and advice. This puts everyone in perspective!

  • Dr. Anna Garrett

    Having been exhibit A on more than one occasion, what I am finding is that when “everybody” comes up, it usually means I have some self-doubt about whatever the thing in question is (price, tagline, etc). So I’m learning to look more carefully at that and question it…in addition to the REAL evidence!

    Thanks as always!

    Dr. Anna

    • Christine Kane

      Hey Anna, I think we’ve all been both A and B! You’re not alone! And yeah, it really is the self-doubt, and you’re being called to come back to center and to intention and to what your real strategy is, rather than what other people think it should be!

      And of course, you’re doing awesome in the work you do!! 🙂

  • Karen

    What great advice, thanks!

  • Nav

    Thank you Christine, this was a brilliant and valuable post to read. 🙂