If Fat Could Talk - Christine Kane

Twelve years ago, I looked in the mirror and didn’t recognize my body.

My once healthy and slender frame was now buried beneath a coat of lard.

There I stood – me and my fat.

I cried.

Then, I did what most women do with their extra flesh.

I began to obsess over it. I made up stories in my head about how I was now worthless, how I couldn’t be happy, how I now had a “weight problem.”

So, over the next decade I focused on the “problem.”  I fought, struggled, cursed, and tried to beat the fat off with deprivation, overexercise, pills, and diet programs.  I read every book on the market about nutrition.  I spent hours watching those stupid infomercials that promised 6 pack abs in 6 days.

The more I focused on my “problem,” the bigger it became.

I went after my extra tissue like a ninja on a mission, except – unlike the movies – I never won, at least never on the inside.  At one point, I did lose the weight.  In fact, I became skinny, Kate Moss skinny (you know, that malnourished, bones protruding, only eating lettuce look).   What? Where’s the happiness I had planned for?

So, now, there I was, me and my skeleton looking self.

I cried.

Exhausted from the battle, it wasn’t long before I sought refuge in some chocolate chip cookie dough and episodes of the Golden Girls.

Again, there I was – me and my fat.

I cried some more.

Through my journey, I slowly began to discover that the fat, (yep, all that extra tissue), was not the enemy.  In fact, it was my ally.  It was simply the messenger trying to deliver a message, and with each diet and binge, I was slamming the door to what it had to say.

Finally, when I became so exhausted from the struggle, I opened the door and invited it in and here’s what my fat had to say:

1.   “I’m not the problem.”

The extra tissue on your body is not the problem. It’s only the symptom.

When you go after excess weight without treating the cause of overeating and a sedentary lifestyle, it’s like treating a fever with Tylenol without addressing the cause.  The fever will keep coming back, and so will the fat.

2.   “I don’t thrive in happy environments.”

Many people have it wrong.  They believe that losing weight will make them happy, so they make themselves miserable trying to rid their bodies of fat.  But, as Abraham Hicks says, “You can’t have a happy ending to an unhappy journey.”

Plus, fat thrives in misery.  Negative emotion is like a petri dish for fat.

When I began to focus on happiness versus trying to lose weight, the fat lost its medium for growth.  It had no reason to stay.

Now, when I work with people in my coaching programs, I show them exactly how to do what I did. And it really works!

3.   “I can’t protect you.”

People gain weight for many reasons, but for women, it’s often a subconscious way of protecting themselves from getting hurt or attention, like a coat of armor.

But, fat’s not steel.  It’s not impermeable.

Fat is just extra tissue. It’s neutral.  It can’t protect.  It can only weigh you down so that you can’t protect yourself.

4.   “I don’t want to be here.”

When I finally started listening to what my fat had to say, I realized that it didn’t want to be on my body any more than I wanted it to leave my body.

Realizing that fat isn’t the enemy is the first step to stop fighting it, and ironically, that’s when it knows it no longer needs to be there.

5.   “I don’t want to fight.”

Fat is innocent, and it doesn’t desire to battle.

It simply wants you to listen and let go of the struggle.  When I got that message and put down my weapons, the fat fell off for good.

6.   “I am a storage system.”

Fat is like the junk room of your body.  It’s where the overflow is kept.

When you overfeed your body, fat is simply the system that was designed to hold your extra stuff.

That’s all.

Stop eating too much and you begin to clean out the junk room of your life.

7. “When you connect, I’ll leave.”

Extra fat basically means that you have disconnected from your body.  You are no longer listening.

Contrary to what many people believe, our bodies were not designed to be overweight.  While we come in all shapes and sizes, extra fat is not your destiny.

As a coach, I hear all the reasons that a person blames his/her weight issue – genetics, hormones, menopause, etc.  While these do play a part of our biochemical processes, we still weren’t destined to be fat.

Animals in the wild aren’t fat.  Billions of people of all ages and races on this planet aren’t fat.

Why?  Because they listen to their bodies.  When a lion finally finds a kill, it doesn’t gorge thinking it will never find another.  It stops when she’s satisfied and takes a nap.

She’s connected to her body.  Excess fat doesn’t live in a place of connection.

8.   “I can’t store feelings.”

I ate to numb.  I didn’t want to feel the pain, sadness and overwhelm.

But, fat cells don’t store feelings.  The fat is just the evidence of not allowing yourself to feel.

9.  You can release me.”

I remember sitting on my back porch meditating.  At the time, I wasn’t overweight, but I had about ten pounds that I wanted to lose.  I was still struggling and fighting to keep my weight “under control.”

As I sat in stillness, I heard a message that said, “You can let me go.”

In that moment, I didn’t know how, but I knew it was a choice.  I could fight, or I could let go.

I let go, and so did my fat.

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Here’s the deal:  Fat.  Skinny. It doesn’t matter.  What matters is that you find peace on the inside.

When you do that, your weight will find its perfect place.
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Tonya Leigh is a coach, mentor, speaker and a weight-loss pioneer. Her mission is to rid the world of dieting and deprivation and inspire women to live with intention and pleasure. She empowers women to live slim from the inside out, become chic by defining their own style and live savvy by empowering them to create lives they love.

Tonya’s upcoming Slim, Chic & Savvy Weight Loss program starts on June 14. If you have questions about the program, email: support@tonyaleigh.com.

22 COMMENTS ADD A COMMENT
  • Rita

    That was hands down the best articulation of that very abstract fat-communication space. That was amazing. Thank you so so much. May your sharing this with us bring you 100 times the blessings it gave us.

  • Tonya Leigh

    Juliana-

    Enjoy your new journey!

    xo,

    t

  • juliana

    Finding this post today was absolutely timely… I JUST posted about the new fitness journey I’m about to embark on, and reflected on my extra weight as having been an excuse to hide from the world.

    Thank you so much!

  • Tonya Leigh

    Hi Katie-

    I haven’t read Geneen Roth’s book yet, but I hear it’s great.

    I personally believe that we are lifelong students of our bodies, and it’s a lifelong learning process. It’s not a place that you arrive at and then can begin to live unconsciously. Continue to learn and grow, and accept yourself where you are.

    And yes, it totally helps to have support. But the main goal is for a woman to feel great in her own skin.

    xo,

    tonya

  • Katie

    At only 28, I have had weight “struggles” for most of my adolescence and adulthood. Although I’m currently at a healthy place *physically* (due to changing my eating/exercise habits), I’m still learning and adjusting to why/how I eat what I eat. I recommend the book “Women Food and God” by Geneen Roth. I haven’t even finished it yet but it has already opened up my mind and emotions…something I couldn’t do when I was younger. One thing I have learned is that it’s hard to deal with it all alone; and yet, body images/food issues can be so subjective (my opinion, again). Thank you for posting this article!

  • jenn

    ohmigosh….this made me laugh. it’s so hard to let go of expectations like this…but it’s soooo important. congratulations, tonia!

    jenn
    momentary.org
    free mobile gratitude journal

  • shawnmichle

    I appreciate the concern which is been rose. The things need to be sorted out because it is about the individual but it can be with everyone.The initiative taken for the concern is very serious and need an attention of every one. This is the concern which exists in the
    society and needs to be eliminated from the society as soon as possible.
    ==================================
    Personal Finance Bible

  • Tonya Leigh

    Hi Teri-

    Thanks so much for sharing. Let me offer you this question: what would it feel like to let go of the struggle? I understand that it’s hard to imagine, but try to go there and envision yourself not going uphill. What do you see? What are you doing? How do you feel? This is how I healed the struggle. I started trying to live from that place as much as possible until it became my norm, and the weight released itself over time.

    Much Love to you,

    Tonya

  • Teri

    I’m so glad I found your blog, I’m really enjoying it. I feel so empowered and optimistic after reading your posts, thanks for sharing all of your wisdom. I’m an artist and women, so your articles really hit home. Weight is one of the hardest issues to deal with, and although I know it’s all emotional, it’s such an uphill battle. I’m going to make a real effort to heal myself and let go of the struggle.
    Peace and Love,
    Teri

  • Tonya Leigh

    Julie-

    I love hearing stories like this. I, too, am the mother of a 12 year old daughter, and I see how young this obsession can begin. I am constantly redirecting my daughter’s attention to what she loves about herself and gratitude for a healthy body. What about you? How do you help your daughter with self-acceptance and self-love?

    Tonya

  • Tonya Leigh

    Linda- I can only speak from my own personal experience as someone who has been overweight and extremely thin and my work as a coach. First, it depends on what you mean by “extra fat.” Fat on our bodies is necessary for life, and I believe that many women are walking around with normal levels of fat thinking that it is “extra.” That’s not what I’m speaking about here. I’m talking about the obsession with it, and the disconnect that this obsession causes. And, no, I hope I didn’t imply that all slim people are connected with their bodies. As I said, I was slim and still disconnected. So, that brings us to the point, what does it mean to be connected to self? My simple answer: awareness and self-love. Hope this helps.

    tonya

  • Julie

    Hi Tonya
    Ironically, the time I lost the most weight was when I decided to get off the merry go round of dieting (bingeing/starving etc) and practice self acceptance. Thank you so much for adding such a common sense approach to the crazy world of weight control, as the mother of a 13 year old it concerns me that they are constantly bombarded with messages about their image.

  • Sue

    Tonya,

    This is completely awesome! It’s as if you’ve lived inside my head! 🙂 I enjoyed reading this, laughed out loud and felt the depth of it too.

    Great post and great perspective!

  • linda ford

    Hey Tonya: does that mean that extra fat on your body is indicative of disconnection with self? And does that mean that slim people are not disconnected?

  • Tonya Leigh

    Hey, hey Ladies! Thanks so much for the thoughtful words and comments.

    And Kelly, let me just say, Rock on sister!!! Your post made me smile my biggest smile today. Isn’t it great to release the struggle and start living. The weight takes care of itself! Thank you for sharing your story!

  • Cristina

    Beautiful post, I totally agree with all you said. Thanks for sharing 🙂

  • ursula

    This is great, Tonya. Thanks for being vulnerable with us.

  • Elaine Bailey

    Really cool post Tonya! You’re approach is really a breath of fresh air as Kelly says. I’ve emailed this on to a couple of friends.

    Thank you for being out there for us!

  • Kelly – Sister of another mother

    Tonya, Your newsletters are sent to me in my email. I have been heeding your advice for about a month. I walked through the fire, stopped obsessing, and started moving. The funny thing is, as I just told my daughter, literally one minute ago, that I saw a number on my scale this morning that I haven’t seen in a year and a half. I thought, huh, I will try on some of my clothes I have been struggling to get into the past year or so. Lo and behold they fit!! I laughed b/c I hadn’t realized that I was losing weight. I did so without deprivation. There was no struggle. Who knew??? Thank you for the helpful advice you so readily deliver in your blogs and newsletters! You are such a breath of fresh air in the weight loss world!!

  • Florence Haridan

    FORGIVE ME
    Each and ever pound of me represents fear, pain,anger…humaness. Know that these emotions are ok as long as we recognize them, face them and move forward to learn from them my friend. Your courageous desire to love, rejoice and step into yourself fully has out shown me and I know that it is time to say good bye.

  • rachel

    This is a wonderfully true – so, so very true – post! I needed the reminder, I’m going to bookmark it to come back to next time I feel myself slipping into weight-loss-related despair/craziness…
    Thankyou so much!xx

  • Joy Tanksley

    Great, great post, Tonya! How fun to see you over here! You are doing such beautiful work in this world. Rock on, girl!