“You know, the money’s always just sorta been there. So I never paid that much attention to it. It seems to just show up when I need it.”
Elise and I were chatting about her business, her pricing, and why she’s never created (or stuck to) a plan for herself until now. She told me that her “abundance thinking” worked for covering the bills and having a little left over at the end of the month.
Only problem was that Elise had always known she had bigger dreams than “a little left over at the end of the month.”
Plus, Elise had almost no time for herself, was often in chaos, and didn’t charge enough for her consulting work. She admitted that she wanted to have a plan, take back control, and feel a sense of purpose as she created more structure and systems in her business.
“So, why does it scare me so much to even admit those things I want and take the first conscious steps?” she asked. “It’s almost like it’s easier to just let things happen as they will – and then just settle for what money is left over!”
After mentoring so many women in their businesses, I’ve seen this pattern quite often. Many people call it laziness. Others blame ADD. Some believe it’s their destiny to stay stuck in the same place. Some call themselves “procrastinators.”
My experience (both personal and with clients) is that often it’s a sign that shame is running the show.
Shame is a really sneaky co-creator – sometimes even becoming a business partner! We might not realize it’s there, but often it’s making our decisions, keeping core beliefs in tact, and seeing that we don’t get too far out of our comfort zone.
Here are some ways shame runs the show:
• If we’ve always been “creative,” then we might still be living from the old messages that we’re not good with all that other left-brain stuff. Shame can keep us from believing that we can plan, strategize, or look at our numbers – while having big exciting creative dreams at the same time.
• Shame messages can be so deeply ingrained that we’ve stopped believing any other possible truths about ourselves. Instead, we just assume that those old stories must be true and don’t give ourselves a chance to expand.
• Shame can stop us from planning and thinking about where we want to go because we’re so used to the pattern of shaming ourselves for not reaching a goal or for making a mistake. So we simply choose not get that clear about what we want, thankyouverymuch.
• Rather than ask for help and begin to break our old patterns, we resort to avoiding that “left brain stuff” altogether.
• Shame will often convince us to simply give up on ourselves soon after we begin a new program or project or plan. (Usually when we hit an obstacle or block.) After all, we’ve never done it before – so we probably won’t do it this time.
• We use “Abundance Mindset” as a way to avoid the topic of money altogether – hoping it’ll all work out. (Yes, having a mindset of abundance is crucial. But it doesn’t mean you can’t also have a bookkeeper!)
• Conscious expansion is uncomfortable. Discomfort can be a trigger for old shame-y thoughts that might come up to tell you the same old stories – and then continue the same old patterns.
If any of these sound like you, then stay tuned. I’m going to share some “Been-There-Done-That” tips for breaking through these old shame patterns in the next post.
(Feel free to ask any questions about shame running the show – and I’ll be sure to cover it!)