The 6 P’s of Coaching - Christine Kane

What you hear in today’s episode isn’t a guide to being a great coach, or something you might read in countless eBooks found all over the Internet. These are six core components that I’ve developed while working with clients.

Coaching is unique to each individual. Even when two business owners are in the same field, their coaching will be vastly different as they’ve faced different challenges and overcome them in their own way.

And honestly, that’s the beauty here. You serve as a source of personalized information and guidance. It isn’t about telling people what to do. It’s about being a place of support as you help others navigate obstacles you’ve previously conquered.

As you listen to the 6 P’s of coaching, check-in with yourself, and see which principles you connect with. Cheers to coaching clients!

Episode Transcript

Coaching is not the be all and end all, but what it can do is this, it can help you achieve it can help you create things. It can really move you forward.

Welcome to the Soul-SourcedTM Podcast, unconventional business advice for the highly creative secretly sensitive and wildly ambitious entrepreneur. I’m your host, Christine Kane. Let’s do this.

Welcome to the Soul-SourcedTM Business Podcast. We are here at episode five. And in this episode, I’m going to share something with you that I call the six P’s of coaching. And please note, this is not a thing in the coaching world. Like this is not something other coaches talk about. This is just something I’ve developed over time. And I share pretty often with my clients though. It started out as just four P’s and it has evolve“d over time. So in a few years, check back in, it’ll be something like the 72 piece of coaching.

But as I was writing notes about this episode, one of my bullet points, I looked when I was studying them. One of my bullet points says everyone’s a coach, which sounds so like one of those stupid cliche things that your high school football coach would say, you know, like my high school football coach would say to me in gym class, like Kane, there’s no I in the word team kind of thing. Like everyone’s a coach and I don’t mean it that way. And here’s what I mean about that bullet point. How about everyone being a coach.

Here at Uplevel, Our clients are in every kind of business at any given time. We have lawyers, we have realtors, we have orthodontists and professional organizers, landscape designers, graphic designers, accountants, bookkeepers, musicians, artists, you know, you name it. And most of them have told me that even if they are not coaches, there is some component of their work that is about coaching their clients, whether that is educating them, providing a different perspective, guiding them through hard decisions and even calling them out when they’re stuck in an old pattern.

So a good realtor for instance, will be able to bring clarity to somebody who is disappointed that their offer was turned down on a house or a graphic designer might have to coach a client who insists on comic Sans for their logo. But whether or not you consider yourself a coach, the skills of a great coach are undeniable. And of course the kind of coaching you do will determine what frameworks or structures you use in your work and how you serve people. But one thing I’ve seen is that for all the varieties of coaching, there’s also a lot of misconception around coaching, like what it is and what it isn’t. And do I need one? And is it, is it like weak if I have a coach or, you know, doesn’t mean I can’t figure stuff out on my own. So before I get started, I want to talk about something that I see.

One of the big misconceptions about it is that the difference between coaching and therapy, because a lot of people don’t understand what, why would I need one versus the other? So I will talk from my experience and in my experience, therapy and coaching are radically different models though. They certainly have some crossover, but the intention is what is different. So this may sound perhaps a little bit over simplified, but in my experience, coaching looks forward and therapy looks backward. And I know this misses a whole lot of the subtleties of each model, but play with me here, right? Coaching plans, coaching moves the client forward toward a goal, whether that’s more success or clarity or productivity or a promotion, often it holds people accountable. It also creates a zone of encouragement in a world where more often than not, and more than ever. Now, there are mostly zones of collusion. Like if you’re my friend, you will collude with me and agree with me in all my, you know, why I can’t get things done.

Coaching is not typically about healing and safety though. It does provide a safe space to vent or share. But if you hire a coach, it should be fairly uncomfortable a lot. And that’s because the goal of coaching is distract you into something that you haven’t done before therapy. On the other hand. And again, I’m being very general. Here is often about healing, the past making sense of the past, dealing with emotions and traumas and triggers that can be impacting your current circumstances and also your well being, your mental health and emotional wellness.

Now, when I worked with my very first coach, there was one telling moment that really shifted me. I was, I was fairly new to my music career and I can actually look at my music career. Now I can look back at the trajectory and see kind of like pre coach time and then post coach time where everything changed. But when we were first working together, there was one telling moment that totally shifted me. And, um, he was encouraging me to take action on something that completely terrified me and was really growing me out of my old patterns. And I brought up this thing, like some thing with my dad that had happened and it still hurt. And my culture’s response was very clear. He simply said, Christine, my role here is to move you forward. I am not here to heal old wounds. I’m not here to make your relationship with your father better. That needs to be done with somebody else. All I’m here to do is help you move forward. And the clarity of that might seem stark, but it changed everything.

First off without even saying it, what he did for me in that moment was make me realize how often I was in the pattern of using my own stories to stop myself. But also that coach had no interest in looking back. His only intention for me was to do the work and get out of my own way. And part of why that could work for me at that time, by the way, was because I had done so much therapy and I had done so much other work. So I could drop that story. The moment he said that, and this is not to say by the way that coaching is a heal all remedy. I believe that some of us are walking around trying to achieve our way out, of very deep trauma and a whole lot of unexamined emotions and an energy within ourselves. And the business world is a very convenient way to stuff. All kinds of shit down that you don’t want to deal with because achieving things and making a whole lot more money can cover up an infinite number of pains and give you all kinds of ways to avoid unresolved energies.

Our culture loves success. And while achieving success can create some level of fulfillment, it can also be the ultimate addiction and the ultimate coverup. And all of that is to say that coaching is not the be all and end all, but what it can do is this, it can help you achieve it can help you create things. It can really move you forward. So let’s talk about the six P’s of coaching. And if you are a coach, you can check in with yourself and see if this feels true to you. And if you’re a business owner of any sort, you can ask yourself how much of this you provide for your clients.

So the first P of coaching is perspective. So a few years ago I was in Chicago and my Uber driver was driving me to the airport and she was a woman in her twenties. And she was telling me all about why she was an Uber driver. And she told me what she really wanted to be was a coach, because she’s really good at telling people what to do. And of course, I am not going to tell my 20 something, Uber driver, that coaching, isn’t really telling people what to do, but it is a common misperception that coaches just sit back and tell people what to do. And even though many people like to be told what to do, that’s not what this is all about, more than anything else. A coach provides perspective based on their experience, based on their training, if they’ve had training and certification. And also I believe based on their self awareness.

So my first book is coming out in November and I had wanted to write a book for a long time. I had written eBooks. I had created tons of programs and trainings. My entire world was writing. I’d also hosted events and taught this content forever. I’d written tons of songs when I was a songwriter, but book writing turned out to be a whole nother animal. And so I had written and written and written and written. I had gotten critiqued by editors who hated what I wrote. And I finally hired a book coach and I gave her all my crappy writing that I had already done. And the first thing she brought to the table was perspective. And her perspective first off was that writing a book is very different from teaching on stage or creating an online training.

And based on that, that’s where she started me. She gave me these new assignments for how to shape what I had already sent her. And then I would turn my writing in each week and she would point out where the concept needed a story and she’d place all of that into the perspective of the reader or the perspective of the publisher. And she gave me so much context and perspective to help me understand and to guide me in that writing process. And that was, you know, my shitty first draft phase, but it created such a strong foundation for me.

Now, some coaches do create educational materials and trainings. And even though some of the concepts may be similar, their perspective is what can really help a client learn it or not. You know, I’ve had so many clients say to me, this is the first time I understand business and marketing, and I’ve had all these other coaches and I’ve tried and tried to learn this stuff, but now I finally get it.

I think a lot of that has to do with my perspective and who they are. So I was a performer. I was a musician singer song writer. And then I went on to create a coaching company and the number of stupid ass mistakes I have made the number of huge wins I’ve experienced based on my experience, you know, based on what I’ve done. And then the fact that I’m a bit on the, what some might call the overly sensitive side, all of this kind of combines to give me a great deal of perspective that I can share with my clients. And it helps a certain kind of person build their business. So the perspective that a coach brings to you can be so helpful to create that context for you to see things the way you need to see them.

So there’s three things that I would say to this idea of perspective.

The first is the kinds of people you attract need, the perspective you have. And of course you have to Mark it and you have to communicate and you have to help them see that. But that helps people who are new coaches understand that the level you are at will attract people who need the perspective you have from that level.

The second thing is that I think it is very worth spending time doing what we here at Uplevel call mining for your message. And what that means is that you actually consider what kinds of perspective you bring to the table.

And lastly, I also think that the key to perspective is self-awareness I personally value coaches who have lived or have gone through what they’re teaching and coaching, and they use themselves as experiments in their own success. One of the jokes that I often hear from my clients is that when they tell their spouse that they’re going to sign up to work with me, they often hear like this sort of grunt. And they’re like, Hey, just pay me. I’ll tell you what to do. And again, it’s that back to that thing of, you know, someone telling you what to do and the question with any kind of like remark like that is, has that person done the thing walked through those murky waters that you’re about to move through because when it comes to telling people what to do, and that whole idea, there’s a big difference between having an opinion and having a perspective.

So the second P of coaching is parameters.

I was a guest recently on a zoom event and there was a Q and a portion at the end of my training. And one of the entrepreneurs who raised her hand was a woman named Jasmine. And Jasmine was scared because she is a corporate consultant and trainer and her work has been typically in person.

And two companies had contacted her recently and asked her to give them a proposal for doing her work with them on zoom now that they couldn’t do it in person. And in her fear, Jasmine thought that because she wasn’t getting in her car and traveling and meeting them in person and getting all dolled up, that she couldn’t charge them money. And Jasmine, it admitted when, when she got on the call that she known about me through one of my trainings where I teach people how to host their own vision board workshops. She had done that training. And one of the bonuses in that training is an entire bonus training on how to host a vision board workshop virtually on zoom. And I asked her if she, when she did vision board pro, if she had done that and she said, no, so I, Jasmine and I talked a little bit.

And, and what I will tell you is that I could have spent hours talking to Jasmine about her money fears and her self worth issues. But what I did was I decided to create a parameter. I offered her a challenge. I walked her through first, like what she would say, and I gave her that perspective. And then I called her, I called her out and I told her to get on zoom with these people who have asked for this proposal that week. I told her to get on that week and to charge more than her original fees, just to see what would happen. And then I added a little incentive. I told her that no matter what results she got, I wanted her to email my team when she had done those two zoom calls. And if she had even done the work, even if they turned her down, that I would gift her with the bonus program that teaches her how to host vision board workshops online.

Cause I thought it would add value to her anyway, but I wanted to reward the action. And then the next week, Jasmine sent an audio describing how, not only did she get paid more for both of those gigs, she got the payment that she wanted, the higher payment, but she was so inspired that she went out and she raised money for a nonprofit. She had wanted to start and all told it added up to $20,000. And she was saying to me, Oh my God, you you’re like magic or something. And really all I did was I created parameters. I provided some kind of accountabilities, some kind of deadline. And this is what we do. We create deadlines and we create structures in our coaching.

So everyone wants to know, how do I get rid of this fear so that I can get this thing done? Or how do I stop procrastinating so that I can do the thing that I say I want to do? Or in other words, how do I stop being me so I can get this thing done. Some form of that question. So the first thing I tell people is let’s get rid of everything that you said that came before the phrase. So that in other words, you’re not gonna get rid of the fear so that you’re not going to change. So that in fact, most of us who have ever accomplished anything have done it while being scared. Well, being every bit as messed up as the next guy, parameters simply means that coaching provides structure. Whether that is through a path that you got people through a structure they follow, and then coaching provides the parameters of accountability. The fear doesn’t go away, the self worth issues. Don’t vanish. It’s some level of accountability that makes people get things done. And you can go back to the podcast all about how to get scary things done. So you can listen to that. If that’s something you’re interested in.

now, I don’t know who said this first, but I’m going to paraphrase here. And it’s an answer to the question, what is the best invention ever in history? And the answer is the deadline, because without deadlines, no inventions would happen and maybe, maybe not. But I have had so many clients say to me, you know, I had two weeks to get all this stuff done, but I waited to the morning of our call. And that’s when I spent all the whole morning getting it done. Cause I had to have it done before our call. That’s what happens with parameters. So parameters are key to any coaching experience.

The third P of coaching is permission.

And I know no one ultimately needs permission when you’re a coach, you’re not some grouchy. Schoolmarm handing out permission slips. That’s not what I’m talking about here. I’m talking about these random moments when your client has done a lot of heavy lifting in terms of thinking through something and is really trying to trust themselves and their preferences and their wisdom. And they come to the call and they might say something like, I just want to let go of this client because they’re so draining to me. And in that moment, you give them permission to honor themselves and let go. Or one instance I can think of is one of my clients who is a trained certified Martha Beck coach. She was starting to realize in her practice how good she was at coaching her corporate executive clients. And she made some sort of side comment about how she wished she could only work with those people.

And I simply said, well, you can. And she got sort of flummoxed. And she said, you mean, I can just do that. And yeah, we had some work to do to set her up. And, but she is now an executive corporate coach. She left behind everything else. That was a big giant should. And that’s what I want to talk about now is because when it comes to this thing of permission and coaching, what I’ve seen, especially in the business world is that there are so many shoulds from how productive we should be to how exactly we have to hire people or what exactly we can charge. And sometimes some coaches are going to tell you that has to be a shitload of money or, or some people say, no, you shouldn’t charge that much. That’s really mean, and there are so many people out there telling you the way they think you should be.

And what can happen is that you lose any and all sense of your inner wisdom or your natural methodology for working or being productive, even when you’re doing well in business, that can, this can happen. And I completely concur with what Kathy Colby says. Kathy Colby is the developer of the Colby, A index that many people have already heard me talk about. But what she says about the word should is that she says, should, are you working against your natural gifts. Maybe not all the time, but it’s, it’s there. And in coaching, when there is this act of permission, it’s often being able to see the preference, the true North for your client and being the one voice in their lives that says, that’s great. You can totally do that. Go for it. And of course, this is not just like blind permission to take some crazy risk.

In my experience, it’s a situation where the entrepreneur has weighed out the details and really knows something needs to happen or be completed, or some decision has to be made. And all they need is someone objectively to listen, maybe ask a few clarifying questions and then give them the nod that they need or have never gotten in their lives.

And that brings us to the fourth P of coaching, which is praise.

There’s an art to learning how to celebrate each time you break through an old pattern, or anytime you hit a milestone. I truly believe that most of us place the bar far over our head, and then no matter what goal we reach, no matter what small milestone we hit, we ever so slightly raised that bar just a bit higher. And this is a subtle activity. We’re always moving onto the next thing.

And as a coach, if you’re not careful, your clients will honestly believe that they haven’t accomplished anything in their work with you. So whether you’re a coach or not, one of the most important things you can do for your clients is to make sure that every time you talk or you meet, or you zoom, there is some space for celebrating what has been accomplished or achieved. Even acknowledging when a client has gained, an insight can be a way to praise them and help them grok. That progress is being made. And at Uplevel every retreat we do, begins with a tool I designed called the focus 360. And it’s a way to kind of clear the decks prior to our two days together. The first activity on that tool is to list what you’ve accomplished and why it’s a big deal for you. And I add that part on because every achievement usually comes with some internal hurdle that that person got over.

And maybe it seems small to someone else, but it’s not small to them. And it’s important to reward and acknowledge people when they break through these things, because that’s how momentum gets built. It’s how they keep moving forward, because we all know that when you’re a coach, it is a total bummer when people pay you and they don’t actually actually do the work. So you want to provide the structure for they’re going to find that will and desire and motivation to keep going. And you’re always going to hear people share that. Wow, I didn’t think I’d done anything, but making me write this down, showed me that I’ve accomplished all this stuff and I’ve broken through so many things. And that’s huge for a lot of people, especially at that bar is way too far above their head.

The fifth P of coaching is pattern interruption.

So I’m going to give you an example of what pattern interruption might look like at one of our masterminds here at up level, after we did the mentioned focus 360 tool. When my clients were celebrating their successes, one woman, Natalie, she’s a retailer. She got up to the mic and she shared something that she had accomplished and no sooner had that come out of her mouth, that she shared someone else’s accomplishment at her table because she knew that this person was too embarrassed to share it at the microphone. And while that was very sweet of Natalie, I called her out on it. I simply asked her to check in with herself to see if she, it was deflecting her own accomplishment by then focusing immediately on someone else’s and ask her to see if this was a pattern in her life. Now, I did not know this at the time, but apparently Natalie went back to her hotel room, her hotel room during lunch.

She called her husband and she cried and they talked through it. And her husband actually told her that he saw that this was a really good thing because she often did deflect things and that she didn’t own her many accomplishments. And it was a few weeks ago and it was on a totally unrelated zoom that I was doing. And Natalie shared this moment with everyone on the zoom. And she said that this, this one moment with me was a game changer for her. And she could see her own internal pattern in that moment. And from that point on, she could see all the, that she did deflect and she didn’t absorb her accomplishments. And this P this pattern interrupt can be one of the hardest things about coaching because in our world, we’ve all been conditioned to believe that if you’re on my side, you buy into my stories.

You let me have my patterns and you never call me out on my stuff. You know, that’s how you should love me. And coaches kind of have to redefine love. They have to break out of that old conditioning coaches have to love people enough to let those people be disappointed or even hurt by their coaching. And I get it. This is delicate territory because it is very easy to hurt someone pretty badly. So this P this pattern interruption could just as easily be a different P it could be piss people off because no matter how clear and kind and delicate you are, that might happen. And that has happened to me. If someone doesn’t want to see a pattern, or if their, their ego is very big and strong and wants to stay anchored to their story, more than they want to break out of the pattern, they will walk away in a fury and they will be pissed off.

So coaching requires, I really do believe it requires that you are holding people in a brighter light than they are often used to being held. And that sounds so noble and so beautiful, but many people do not like to be seen that way, because they don’t like to feel that the jig is up. They don’t want to have a pattern interrupt. They want to hold very tight to their stories.

And that brings me to the sixth and final P, which is presence.

So a lot of years ago, I heard Cheryl Richardson talk about this. And she said something really beautiful. Cheryl said that in a world where most people in your life are distracted and busy, the biggest gift a coach can offer to their clients is presence. And depending on where you’ve landed in the coaching world, you may discover that many of the models of coaching are so doggedly committed to the structures, to those parameters and those frameworks and the achievement that the simple act of being present is kind of shoved to the side.

So clients are given action steps all based in those parameters and those frameworks and structures, because they provide kind of easy answers and steps forward. But those frameworks and structures are only tools. They’re guidelines. They’re not the core of coaching. The core of coaching is really seeing your clients. And of course your ability to be present, at least in my experience evolves, the more you coach and the more you’re with people, the more you’re with your clients. Then in our current pop culture, this idea of presence has kind of turned into yet another concept like pivoting or scaling or mindfulness, where we kind of contort ourselves in into this. Now I am being a very present person. And then we sort of paste on this sort of odd costume of presence. So presence becomes one more structure that is added to the coaching pool. There are little suite of tools is presence, but it’s actually much more simple than that.

When you are present to somebody, you are truly just with them and you see them and you hopefully can see them without your own ego, without your own judgements or without your own needs, getting in the way. And this, this is one of the most challenging things about being a coach, because on any given day, your own stuff might be part of the ecology of that day. And that means being in a rush or being triggered by someone in our own lives or feeling small or whatever, it can really taint our view of other people and what they bring to the table on their coaching call. So being present means that a coach shows up for a call, whether it’s a group training or a private call or a zoom that coach shows up having taken the steps to be there in a way that sets aside their own stuff and their own ego.

And this involves a clear level of intention and then aligning to what you’re doing there and why you’re there at all. My friend, Brooke Castillo in her life coach school teaches a process to her clients who are becoming life coaches for getting clear prior to their coaching calls. And I have a process that I teach to my business coaching clients before they sell, because selling is a form of coaching. And I call that clean selling so that when they are doing that process, when they are serving in that way, because selling is service, they’re free of their own agendas. And too often, I don’t see enough of the focus on this part of coaching and probably that’s because presence is so nebulous and undefinable. And really the only way to understand presence is to have the direct experience of presence. And what happens is you start to experience that wisdom and insight do not come from the mind.

They don’t come from a place of figuring things out or from your brain and really worrying. I’ve got to have the answer here. Presence really starts to lend itself toward the winds, wisdom and insight, and the perspective that you need to deliver to somebody. But at its core presence is listening. It’s creating a sacred space of sorts, where you are truly hearing someone and genuinely interested in serving them to their best results. So, Hey, you guys, thank you for listening. Thank you for subscribing to the Soul-SourcedTM business Podcast. And if you haven’t subscribed, you can totally do that. And if you feel compelled, you can go grab my upcoming book. It will be released in November of 2020. It is called the Soul-SourcedTM Entrepreneur and unconventional success plan for the highly creative secretly sensitive and wildly ambitious. It’s up on Amazon right now for pre-sale. Thank you to everyone who has written me to say that you got it already. That means the world to me. Thanks you guys for listening. I will see you next time.