Subtle Sabotage: The Game of Playing Not to Lose - Christine Kane

In this video, I share the experience of one of my clients who dared something big and played to win. In the face of cynicism, she was tempted to revert back to “not losing.” Can you use her experience to see how you might sabotage your own intentions to go for approval rather than success?

  • Annabelle

    What a great video, Christine. I do hear that alot, especially in the Asian culture where we are taught to conform and it’s easy to just do a great job, but not ask for that little extra. Thank you!

  • Sam

    Christine, this could not have come at a better time for me, as I have been stepping out of my comfort zone in the past few months. I have met those cynics and had those moments of “did i say/do too much,” and it’s a constant process of telling myself that I CAN share my ideas and I CAN be myself and I CAN “play to win.”

  • Kimberly Graham

    Great message, as always, Christine. I love the Buddha statue. I have a similar-sized one at the foot of my bed on a table, facing me as I sleep.
    “see” you Thursday!

  • Nadia Ballas Ruta

    Great video, Christine!

    I think many women struggle with this because we so much want to be liked and to be viewed as the good girl. I used to do that too until one day I realized that I was not happy with my life. So I took charge, jumped the cliff and have never regretted a single second. It was scary as hell at times but it was so worth it. We have to be true to who we are and there is no value in being stuck.

  • M

    Great video. Indeed an eye-opener.

    I have been a ‘good girl’, playing by ‘the rules’, and waiting to be ‘discovered’
    As an academic with a rare specialization (and quite ‘nerdy’ (web 2.0, e-learning development, etc.) I still face major challenges to ‘fit in’, to have myself placed into one of the existing categories in ‘the field’, and I feel stuck somewhere under the glass roof, hitting my head more and more often on said roof.

    I deserve my place in academia – and I want it. Now! As the new term is coming up (in my part of the world), I’m stepping up and play to win.

  • Khady

    Such a wonderful video. I really hope she gets that raise.
    This is an excellent eye opener. I tend to tell people to play to win but keep myself on the sidelines. Boooo. No more! It’s an ongoing process and thank you Christine for this video! <3 <3 <3

  • Christine Kane

    Adreanna – I think some of that is just part of being an artist! 🙂 It’s your soul’s journey to understand your value in the world and learn how to RECEIVE. I HIGHLY recommend that you begin to PRACTICE mindset shifts! (Were you in Uplevel Your Life this summer?) It sounds like this will be such a huge turnaround for you!

    Go Suzie! Go Leonie! We all believe in you both!

    Allison – it sounds like you SHOWED UP. In a world where few people take the risk to engage – you sound alive! Yay!

  • Leonie

    Wow, this couldn’t come at a more apt time for me. Thank you, Christine! It’s hard to step up and keep asking for the things you want, repeatedly if necessary, but UYL has given me the determination to see it through. That doesn’t mean I don’t still feel like a little girl when it comes to conversations like the one you described, but practice makes (im)perfect! 🙂

  • deb

    That was very powerful….i have had a aha moment!!

  • Allison J

    Completely timely – I had my first PTA meeting tonight and came away afterwards thinking – did I say to much?? perhaps I was too confrontational on my first night, perhaps I shouldn’t have shared my ideas so soon! Nope I was standing in my truth and being all I can be. Thanks Christine.

  • Suzie Cheel

    Love that “Standing by your side” Thanks this is so timely for me. I love the idea of setting myself to win and I know I need to be on my own side and stop pulling back. 🙂

  • Adreana

    This is so amazing…I was just talking to my mom this past weekend about how I feel about myself. I’ve recently discovered that for most of my life I’ve had this “I’m not good enough” feeling in everything that I do. I graduated a year early and everyone always says “you’re so smart” but, to me…I just had enough credits to graduate. People say “you’re so cute”…I think “yeah, for a fat girl”. I have production partners that say “you write great songs” but, sometimes I feel like “But, I’ll never be like Diane Warren”. I had songs in “Dove” commercials and everyone says how great that is…I think it was just luck (blessings)’s not that I’m so deserving of it though.

    I don’t know why I can’t except compliments and I’m always settling for the bottom. I don’t feel like I deserve the top because…I’m just me. I wish I didn’t feel this way and I’m working on it. Thanks for your wonderful posts.

  • Christine Kane

    Go Sunrise Sister! Please share how it’s going as it evolves!

  • Sunrise Sister

    Christine – Great video! I’m planning my first “real” one-woman art show for June 2011 – this video is a great incentive for me. xo

  • L

    This came at a perfect time. Thank you.

  • Laura Mixon Camacho

    Thanks for sharing this! Anyone who teaches sees this with students all the time – far underperforming because their goal is “not to fail.”

  • Christine Kane

    Thanks Tonya!

    Glenda – everything is still in process with her. This was a fairly recent event – so I’ll keep you posted! 🙂

  • Glenda

    Thanks for this Christine! What did your friend end up doing? And did she get what she asked for?

  • Tonya Leigh

    Great Video Christine! What I’ve discovered is that by playing to win, you keep growing and expanding, and when you play to not lose, you shrink and stall. In each, you’re playing, but the underlying intention makes all the difference. Thanks for the reminder.