What to Do When You Keep Sabotaging Your Own Success - Christine Kane

My dog had been beaten. She had also been burned all over with a lighter.

That’s how I found her and how we began together.

With tons of training and love, she made leaps and strides over the first few years.

Until the day she had a setback.

A repairman’s pickup truck backfired on our street. Loud.

I ran outside because she had been lounging on the front porch.    Now, she was nowhere to be found. I began running through my neighborhood.

I caught up to her about a mile from my house.  She was running for her life with no regard for anything around her. It was a fear trance.

I shouted her name. She stopped. She turned and looked at me, panting and terrified. As I ran to her, I could see her come back into herself. She was shaking.

I didn’t say, “What the hell, dude? We’ve come so far! You keep getting triggered! What’s up with that head of yours?”

No. Here’s what I did instead…

With my arms tight around her, I said, “You’re totally fine. And you’re totally safe. Let’s go home and begin again…”

This week, I got an email from someone asking about intention.

She wrote that she has a pattern of getting to a certain point in creating her vision.   And right when things are going well, she’ll find a way to mess it up.

Her words:  “I sabotage my success.”

And it struck me.

Sabotage is one of those words that comes with its own military units and artillery.  It’s big and heavy.  Sabotage says, “Don’t question me. I am scary.”

So it’s a challenge to see it clearly.

On the one level, I totally get the idea of messing things up right when they’re going well.
I get how scared you can feel when things are looking like they might just be working.

And I get that being scared can make you go unconscious just to escape the uncomfortable feeling of fear.

And I get that going unconscious can mean anything from eating the entire cheesecake to endlessly scrolling through your Facebook feed to watching Netflix until 3am.  Name your vice.

And I get that fear might make you do something dumb. Or do something mean. Or do dumb and mean things for six months until you’ve alienated pretty much everyone.

Until you find yourself back where you’re comfortable — in the land of Things-are-Awful-and-I’m-to-Blame.

A Pattern’s Just a Pattern. You’re Never Done.

It’s all just old patterning.

And here’s what to do about it:

The minute you realize you’ve gone unconscious, or when you catch yourself in the midst of that trance…

…what stops you from picking yourself up, looking around, dusting off, cleaning up, putting down the cheesecake, apologizing for the stupid things you said and, yes, starting again?

Because let’s be clear… that is the issue here.

Not the sabotage itself.

Because nothing is ever done until you decide it’s done. You have not failed until you decide not to get back up.

We all do stupid things and mess up and go unconscious. In Buddhism, it has a name: Unskillful.  I love this.  It simply means you didn’t have the skills yet.

(And as far as I know, Buddha never once used the phrase, “Wow, you totally fucked that one up.”)

The question is this:

How do you know you’ve ruined everything?

A word like “sabotage” requires that you give in to the belief that “all is lost.” Like you have your very own entertainment industry executive in your head who says, “You’ll never work in this town again!”

And the problem is not that he’s there.

The problem is you believe him.

Sabotage As Your Teacher

If you have a knack for sabotage, then guess what? This pattern is actually your greatest teacher.

And what it might be teaching you is persistence. Or commitment.
These are key here. You can either sit back and say, “Look how awful I am. I’ve done it again.”

Or you can say, “I’m learning to commit. So, today is another day. And with eyes wide open, I begin imperfectly.”

It will be painful. It will be uncomfortable. It will piss you off. And it will grow you in ways you can’t imagine.

I know from my own experience, it’s challenging to have an emotional temperament and go for your dreams. It’s so much easier to sit back and say that it’s all too hard, or that I’m not cut out for this.

But when you engage those voices, you only elongate the story, continue the trance.

Instead, take steps, and take them with openness.

(And for the love of all that is holy, stop using the word “sabotage.”)

Be Unbelievably Kind to Yourself

The opposite of the voices that say “All is lost!” is reminding yourself that all has never been lost.  And remember how far you’ve come in your process. Monitor how you talk to yourself. Stop and correct any self-punishment. It only serves to keep the pattern alive.

In your story, you have the opportunity to be the one who is kind and the one who persists in knowing that you’re never going to give up on yourself or your life. Whenever you shift into that unconscious mode, just gently walk yourself back home and start from there.

Do that for yourself constantly.

And then do it again.

This is how we break the pattern of sabotage.

  • Michael

    This has helped me more than once. Thank you! 🙂

  • Bethany Lynn

    How timely that this showed up in my inbox exactly when I was having small panic attacks about my upcoming workshop! I am NOT one to worry or stress over anything, so it was totally weird for me to feel so out-of-sorts. I managed to find my peaceful, strong center again before I read your article about sabotaging ourselves, but I read it anyway and it’s RIGHT ON! Thanks. I will share it with my clients, for sure!

  • Barbara

    I love that phrase, “Be Unbelievably Kind to Yourself”. Why do I have to be given the idea or permission to do such a wonderful thing for “me”? It is free. I am not even sure what that means, but I am going to try it and put that phrase into action right now. I love it and I know that is what I need to do. Thanks.

  • Tessa

    What a beautifully written piece, thank you….

  • ariel

    Hello, this was such a timely article. And so important to know about ourselves. As someone who just came out of a long and devastating illness, learning how to truly be well in all aspects of life is so very important. So as I grab all of life in my joy, I also have to learn how to pace to insure continued wellness. Thank you for this!
    In peace and gratitude, ariel

    • Christine Kane

      Ariel – here’s to your complete healing! Take it step by step now – you’ve got this!

  • Tami

    I totally get this and do this. For a while I did not like my job… and I was setting myself up for failure… and in time, I did what I was set out to do not caring and BAM I lost my job. NOW – i have to look for a new one. In ways I saw it coming and I allowed it instead of doing something positive about it. I just let it happen to me. I started the ball bouncing and just let it go. Today I went on a interview for a part time job. Right before the meeting started the interviewer said a few things, and I thought, I am not going to put with that comment, but instead of letting it blowup into something that I will regret later. I calm myself down and looked at the bigger picture. Instead of not following thru allowing myself to sabotage the outcome that would better my tomorrows. I took a deep breathe and finished the interview. I know that we all sabotage a lot of what will make our lives better, happier. I believe for me, its because I don’t believe I deserve being happy, so I do what I always do – sabotage my tomorrows and regretting it later. I am trying to take a stand for me and know… I deserve and will finish what I started.

  • Ruth E Fisher

    Thank you Christine, that really resonated with me and was just what I needed to hear at this moment in my professional career. I think it has to do with getting a little bit lazy about my habits and then the mistakes that lead to that self-limiting behavior become more common, until something big happens.

    Again, thank you.
    Ruth Fisher

  • marla

    all I can say right now is that I love how the UNIVERSE connects my confetti dots – mjb111/222 I AM having a BARN opening on the 21st of February 2018…. The BARN of Positive Beginning’s 111/222 – Begin anywhere, just begin…

    gratitude HUGS!
    Marla Bain

  • Irene

    Great to read this positive email.
    I had one of those days yesterday . Told myself I’m useless. May as well give up. Never slept all night.
    Today I woke up, more positive , I acknowledge it’s not easy but what is.
    Thankyou for the stimulanting email.

  • Katarina

    Thank you it’s like you’ve been in my living room or better yet in my head for the 70 years

  • Sheetal Story

    Thank-you Christine for your thoughts on sabotage and reminding me that it is your teacher, not your captor. It really hit home for me. I have been struggling to lose 40lbs of baby weight (my youngest is 8 years old now which tells you how long it has taken me, and it has probably not considered “baby weight” anymore). Every time I start going to the gym, eating healthy, I step on the scale and see next to no movement on the scale and then the sabotage starts. “Why don’t I just accept I will never lose this weight?” “Maybe I am just meant to be a size 10 for the rest of my life” “Argh this losing weight thing takes too much time and effort. I definitely don’t want to keep this up forever.” And then I will start to eat completely unhealthy, nothing over the top, but enough that I am eating more calories than I need. And then in a few months I am up another 2-5lbs on the scale. Yo-yoing my weight once again. You are right about starting again, being aware of the fear trance, and your awareness is key. In truth I am so disappointed in myself that once again I have failed. Trying over and over and over again, only to fail over and over and over again. It is hard to come out of that. I am still in the “keep trying” mode of this viscous cycle. I don’t know how to get out of it. This time, though, I am doing something different – I am making myself accountable to others. I have a trainer that I have paid for the coming months well past when I would have failed again, and my husband knows my goals too. I also joined a weighloss contest, because isn’t money a powerful motivator?!? The sad truth is I can be accountable to others with a perfectionist mentality, but I give myself permission to fail so I am not so hard on myself. But in doing so, I allow this vicious cycle to continue. So today, because of this email I see my sabotage as a lesson that needs learning, and not imminent failure. Thank-you Christine. ❤️

    • Christine Kane

      Sheetal – As someone who was bulimic for one horrid 10 year stretch of my life, I’m here to tell you that there is no end point or quick fast fix when it comes to our bodies. It’s just ongoing relationship. Day by day by day. These days, i am so grateful for that entire journey because it forced me to get out of my head and into my own body and have the relationship. Workout even though I ate “too much” according to my mind. Get a massage even though “i didn’t workout enough” according to my mind. The mind and all of these thoughts you lay out here is just a total insanity loop. Keep moving forward. Take small steps and congratulate every freakin’ victory.

  • Kimmie

    Absolutely fantastic, and right when I needed to read it! This is truly how I feel my life is right now. This is what I woke up to and needed to read this morning. Thank you!

  • Liz

    Really enjoyed your take on self sabotage, definitely some positive steps to take from it. Hope your dog is OK, she looks like a lovely companion.

  • Sissi

    You came when I needed you the most , thanks you so much…

  • Barbara

    My grandfather used to type wise words on cards. One from the stack that I have says: If you took one step in the mud it does not mean you need to continue there. I thank you for your article that reminded me of him. May God bless you.

  • Jason

    Yesterday, I could hear the voices of “all is lost” ringing in my head, so your message could not have come at a better time, and reading the posts it’s comforting to know that I’m not alone in feeling this way. You’ve inspired me to tune into to the quiet persistent voices telling me that ‘You’ve got this’, and tune out the noisy critic! Thank you!

  • Desiree

    Thank you for this kind and gentle reminder. I’ve found myself lately really using the self sabotage label to explain why I dont see the success I dream of. Or why im I’m not further along. It’s easy to downplay the many ways I’ve improved or grown. Especially when i evaluate ny progress through the eyes of perfectionism or the “all or nothing” pitfall. Any growth that we go through will have moments of uncertainty and I thank you for reminding me that it’s ok. I’m not broken an all is not lost. I’m a work in progress and I will never stop growing.

  • Susan

    I absolutely love this wise advice. So important to remember that even if you’re down, you’re not out. Steps can be taken to make improvements. We do have more power than we sometimes remember. Repeated small course corrections can make a big difference.

  • Linda

    This arrived in my inbox just at the time I needed it. Thank you so much!

  • Dominique Isbecque

    Thanks so much Christine, this really talked to me. You always have the best way of putting things that might be wrong/bad etc. into a positive light. Always learning and growing. Much love…

  • Kirsten Frey

    Thank you! This article could not have come at a more perfect time for me. Thank you for the reminders to be kind to ourselves and that we CAN choose. And thank you for sharing the picture of your lovely girl:)


  • Lesley

    Thank you Christine for the perfectly-timed email, and to all who have posted on here already, and beaten me to saying so. 🙂
    The timing seems uncanny, until we realise, or remember, that someone somewhere resonates with this every day. Today it was me, and seemingly I am far from alone, reading your posts! Thanks, you too are an inspiration!
    I’ve been preparing to make a new start on something this weekend; the beginning of a regular commitment to my intention (I even involved another person for some accountability) but this morning had to contact them and cancel as I am feeling unwell (cold, or flu?) plus there is a weather warning in place for snow and ice tomorrow. So today I have oscillated between beating myself up for not following through on my intention, falling at the first hurdle as it were – and being kind to myself for being kind to myself, recognising that it was an arbitrary start date, not crucial that it be tomorrow, and that to do so regardless would be unwise, an unnecessary risk. Disappointing yes, but a minor setback in the grand scheme of things, as Christine’s point illustrated perfectly; an opportunity to pick myself up and carry on when possible. And not to berate myself. And not use it as an excuse to give up either.
    And that in itself is progress!

  • Lisa

    Two things that I love about this post. First, it was exactly what I needed to hear today, a good reminder to have compassion and be gentle with myself. Love the notion of “unskillful”. Not flawed or damaged. There are things that we have not yet learned in life. With practice, we can gain skill in anything. And secondly, you were not trying to sell anything, it didn’t require filling in a form or registering for a webinar.It was a gift. Thank you.

  • Autumn

    Thank you, Christine for your timely and insightful email on sabotage. Story of my life, which moment by moment I choose and can choose to re-write it. I appreciate your message, took notes and will persist. Some time soon sharing w you the growth and new things in my life by daily practice and tips you gave. I am a certified health coach yet clients and business scare me. I am trying to find my purpose and rebuild so I can do the work I love.
    Blessings to you,

  • Gail Malloy

    Words of wisdom by Christine Kane. Thank you. I do feel the message of being present and focused speak to me. BTW: #Present is my word of the year

  • Catalphia Stone

    Thank you Christine!!
    Perfect timing!

  • Kim Easley

    Just wanted to thank you for blessing me this morning by confirming and making plain what God has been trying to tell… All praises to God, cause honestly, I usually scroll pass your emails and the Holy Spirit told me to stop and read this this morning… You made it so plain for me on how to handle just what my Pastor and a Prophetic speaker had been trying to tell me about myself.. Which was I was my own worst enemy myself, but what they couldn’t tell me is how to fix it or push past it… Lord, i thank you for blessing me this morning, I pray that He restores into you all you have given out and may He continue to show you favor!!!

  • Elana

    Thank you, Christine! As usual, divine timing. Beginning to go through some major life changes as well as trying to build my business. I need to remember this as I continue my journey. I am so grateful I was guided to you. (And my word-of-the-year is surrender. Amazing!!) No more sabotage!

  • Mica

    Tears streaming at recognising myself here.
    Thank you.
    Time for some Ho’oponopono


  • April

    I love this . Sabotage, gremlins, old patterns, whatever name works-sneaky, sneaky, sneaky. They show up in ways you would never expect and you can totally ‘explain’ them away. Justify. Proving. The list goes on. Thank you for the reminder to keep going, yes by all means go ahead with your head high in the clouds big dreams, because the cloak of regret is heavy. Heavier then fear, and fear is just excitement without breath. Breath deep when you feel it and laugh out loud. You’re about to expand ♥️

  • stella Upneck

    This has been unbelievably helpful! Thank you Christine, I do so appreciate your candour & refreshing honesty! I am busy writing my book (after years of “I’m going to” and now I am half way through. It is:
    “Murder, Mayhem, Miracles… And still married!
    Stories from my heart of hope!”
    (It’s taken me 40 hours in 3 weeks to get this far… about 25000 words)

    I am currently in Mauritius for a week, where we are celebrating our 38th wedding anniversary and so taking a little break from writing. However reading this mail from you has so encouraged my fearful heart because I have the ‘sabotage pattern’ in starting things but not seeing them to completion sometimes and I was worrying about my ‘book baby’ and whether I will abandon it too. But NO, I will be incredibly kind to myself, take myself home and continue with much love to finish my book, which I am really very excited about!!

    Lots of love and grateful thanks & many blessings to you Christine,

    Stella xxx

  • Therese

    Hi Christine, Love Love Love this article.
    I know that sabotage or overwhelm is just an illusion and have come to the realisation when it happens that I am either not prepared or not committed enough to my vision, and this helps me to take a step back and re-commit, and tell myself I am committed to accomplishing this NO MATTER WHAT. I just tell my sabotage when it shows up on my road trip that” you get to come on the trip with me but you never allowed to drive the car.” And that helps keep me entered. xo

  • Joan Waldner

    It is easy to sabatoge yourself, fear is natural when setting out, but also is turning to God. When God is bigger than the fear then you know that passion is ready. Start with baby steps. We all face fear, if you didn’t that would be odd, but your passion must be bigger than the fear.
    Face the fear

  • Karen “Shaman”

    I’m listening; I notice you, and I appreciate you!

  • Jacquie

    You. Rock. That is all. 💜

  • Myra

    Just what I wanted to hear today, Christine. I started to beat myself up for getting stuck back in the pattern of energetic, excited productivity followed by low-no energy why-do-I-bother dropping of the ball. How I am slowly breaking this is by establishing structures that I can turn to when I am having a bad day (or several) so that not all is not lost. My calendar is my bible. I plot out two weeks in advance what I need to do to keep growing my business and when I’m going to do it. I also put in my three part-time jobs, and sometimes even household chores. This way, even when I wake up with a head full of foggy mush I have a map to follow.

    I especially like dropping the word “sabotage” from my vocabulary. It doesn’t leave any room for possibility.

  • Evon

    This was so powerful I had to read this three times. I iamright at that point I know I want my own business again. I know I have what it takes I did this once already. Their is no turning back and yet I’m still spinning around on this hamster wheel and not doing what I need to do to make it happen. I love your writing and especially this message. Thank You Christine I’m getting off this wheel and listening to my heart.

  • Cynthia

    This is the unconditional self-love and compassion I needed to hear today. Thank you.

  • Kristin Baker

    I love your wisdom and articles! This was a fantastic post. I love your no-nonsense style of writing and teaching. Thank you! Please keep it up. The world needs yours message!

  • Brenda Lee Nelson


    Thank you for loving your dog with your whole heart and being. xo

  • Joanne D Sapers

    I love this Post. As a Licensed Spiritual Practitioner and an expert helping women heal relationships with their partners and find True Love, I hear the shame energy women have about past decisions and or present ones. We all need to hear our inner selves say kind, loving and gentle things to us. When we feel like we’re never going to succeed and live our dream vision, how wonderful if we can automatically say, up until now, I’m sorry or it’s all okay and everything is working out, even if the condition hasn’t changed yet.

  • Melanie Bremner

    When this came into my inbox today, I was floored. I could not take my eyes off the words. You could not have sent a more perfect note at the best time. I am having a product launch in 2.5 weeks and it is my first. I am terrified and excited all at the same time. But that same old “afraid of success” self sabotage is rearing it’s ugly head. I also recently started a “diet” and was doing really well until yesterday. Then I ate a whole bag of candy(like 1500 calories alone!!) and felt extremely bad and like I was never going to succeed. This is a vicious cycle to find yourself in and I have been here way too many times in my 46 years. But when I read your message today, I instantly felt like your dog must have felt when you wrapped your arms around her and took her home. Thank you! I look forward to seeing you in my inbox every day now.

    • Christine Kane

      Hey Melanie – Launches are intense. Be extra special good to yourself. Everyone else looks like they are so smooth and cool in their launches – and I can tell you, it’s always a total hot mess behind the scenes for the entrepreneurs!

  • Karen

    Thank you, Christine. I laid awake most of last night, toggling between berating myself for not being prepared for a coaching workshop I’m hosting Sunday and praying for Jesus’ loving comfort because He’s got this one and my back. I got up at 5am feeling loved and wrote down what I needed to do today. And, started digging in, feeling competent again. Thank you for the loving reminders. They’re much appreciated!

    • Christine Kane

      You’ll do great Karen! I’ve done hundreds (probably thousands now, if you count my musical performances) – and I have never felt (and never was) prepared. I think most of us creative types are meant to be more in the moment anyway. You’ll do great! I promise!

  • Laurie

    Great email! It’s as if you read my mind! Plus I laughed out loud at the Buddha comment!

    Are you offering a solution or was this just a few thoughts on the topic?

    Either way, thanks.


    • Christine Kane

      If you look at the end of the article, Laurie – you’ll see that there is a solution. It’s just that it’s not the “7 easy steps” kinda thing. the only solution I know of is total presence in each and every moment. There is no fixing emotional patterns. There is only being present to them and witnessing their power begin to release its hold.

  • Lisa

    This really spoke to me personally, but I also feel like there are so many that I should share it with. And the end where you say to walk yourself back home. What a great picture! Can be used as a visualization tool!

  • Phyllis

    Hello Christine,
    Thank you for this article and the links. I understand this pup’s struggles . Bless his heart, I’ve had one like him.

    Yes, You are right – Part of of my issue is self-sabotage…
    And another is being constantly “Repotted” & restarting my training practice wherever we go..due to my husbands national and international work.
    the majority of my experiences have been positive and enlightening. Yet the the re-starts are a bit of a struggle…. “Do I continue to stay or Give up” feeling …Trying to stay in touch with long distance clients ( who like F to F contact) & rebuild again or ……
    I don’t want to lose the connection and feeling of joy when things “work well”.
    Then the “loud noise” or “cricketts” of unanswered emails/calls trigger the self-doubts.
    Still working to strengthen “The Sun will come out Tomorrow” attitude.


  • Roxanne

    Thank you, Christine…I really needed to hear this.

  • April Poynter


    You’re an incredible human. I’m so glad you’re you and I found you. Your writing pierces. It’s a gift. Thank you for sharing it with us.

    -April Poynter (Nashville, TN)

    • Christine Kane

      Thanks April! Maybe our paths will cross again someday in the future!

  • Tehillah

    Thank you so much for sharing this to my email. It literally gave me hope and answers at my lowest point ever. I was ready to just give up and throw in the towel. You are truly a blessing and a lifesaver…Literally!!!!!!!

  • Lisa

    Thank you for your powerful message around “sabatoge” today! I am joyfully, embracing your new perspective. 😉 It really came at the most perfect time, as always! I’ll be saving this to re-read. I truly desire to embody this ritual and reframe my beliefs around this word. Much gratitude!! XO

  • Jo (Ann) Wenner

    Far and Away my favorite (and most hard-hitting) post to date from you.
    Thank you! Rings so True – Got me right between my black eyes – Yes. I love “unskillfull” as the promise that with practice (starting from just where we are) we can gain the skills to keep moving forward. Thank you!!!!

    Sabatoge has no place in my life – Kicking it otta here!


  • Jane

    Hi Kristine,
    I found your blog very encouraging. Here’s a slightly different take on self-sabotage found at the website I listed. Go to CHET’s Blog or copy and paste if this link does not work:

  • Shera Wilcox

    In the recent live action “Cinderella” …her dying mother tells her to remember to ALWAYS “Have courage, and be kind.”

    This just rephrases what you said here! We must have courage and be kind…even (especially) to ourselves.

    Another quote I love…
    “At any given moment, you have the power to say, ‘This is not how my story is going to end.’ “

  • Sally

    Love, love, love this. Just what I needed to hear today. Thanks for the encouragement!

  • Georgina Barboutis

    I am at this point right now, so it is encouraging to read your word. I am so fed up with myself doing this in everything and not getting anywhere that I cried this morning doing a self love yoga session. I am 56 and frightened that I will continue this pattern so i have started a little course on the mind and how to unlock that line where i retreat and can in future continue moving ahead.

    • Stacy

      What is the course?

      • Christine Kane

        Stacy – I’m not sure I understand what you’re asking. If you’re asking what I’m selling? Nothing. 🙂 If you’re asking what the path is… it’s really getting back up each time you “fail.” There is no failure. Stay present to yourself and move forward. Having a coach and supportive encouragers around you helps a lot!

  • christi

    really well written and on point!

  • Kathleen

    Well said Christine! Thank you, Kathleen

  • Debra Crossman

    I just always love what you write, of course, but also how you write- and wanted to let you know that!

  • fay campbell

    Wonderful commentary, Christine! Think of you often…
    and so glad your sweet doggie is once again safe… -Fay

  • Camilla

    Beautifully explained. Thank you for this story.
    This story about your dog is a great example. You are right, one would never meet a frightened dog with accusations and blame – so why am I doing that to myself? What is point of continuing this pattern?

    You speak of the comfort in getting back to the well-known place where “everything is f… up, and I’m to blame.”
    That is not a desirable place. I can see it because I do get it. Yet I’m still drawn to it because the alternative seems so unreal. So I slip up. At times.

    But when I slip I also take care of myself, keeping your insights in mind, and start fresh. Thank you!!

  • janet

    This article hit home for me. I am so emotional, fearful and afraid to step into my greatness and success. Old beliefs, fears and doubt are filling my every move. I am setting an intention to let go of that energy and direct my energy and focus on my skills, personality, product, insight generosity and creativity.

  • Rayette

    Thank you Christine for your encouraging words on handling fear and self sabatage. I needed to hear this from you as I am experiencing what you are talking about.
    I am taking your words of advice and being very kind and forgiving to myself as I continue my journey.
    Thank u,

  • Andrea

    Thank you Christine… I definitely needed to hear this..it’s almost like you’ve been watching me..lol (spiritually of course).. going in and out of the trance. I am specifically here because I want to get CLEAR…CRYSTAL CLEAR!!❤

  • Roxanne

    What a lovely post. Your dog is so sweet; your story made me cry…I can’t imagine… “…just gently walk yourself back home..” such wonderful advice, thanks, Christine.

  • Linda Easterling

    Thank you so very much for reminding me that I need to be kind to myself and accept that I’m imperfect and that it’s ok to begin again imperfectly. I am adding that I need to remind myself that everyone else in my life is also imperfect and that, it is ok, and that I need to allow them to begin again also imperfectly.
    Love you.

  • Bonnie Bradley

    Thank you Christine. Life has been throwing me some curve balls and I let it take me off the field. I am just now getting back in the game. Being so far behind in this course has made me go nuts but last night I got on the call and I decided to recommit. I know you are the “One” for me.
    Thank you!

    • Christine Kane

      What a nice thing to read this morning, Bonnie! And hurray for you! Keep me posted. 🙂

  • Michael LaRocca

    I’m surprised at how recently I figured this out. Thanks for the reminder!

    Oh, and I love the dog photo. I brought home a pound puppy who turned into the most awesome dog, but she never did get over her fear of loud noises.

  • Maylin

    Thank you for this beautiful message! I love it and it was so right on time! Many blessings to you and yours!
    Maylin 💫💞

  • Debi

    I’m learning to commit. Today is another day. And with eyes wide open, I begin imperfectly.

    And I just did. Thank you!

  • Barbara

    Seems like this is always with me, and popped up as the core of a meditation/journaling exercise I did THIS morning. The lining up of and clinging to shred of “evidence” that really, I’m not cut out for this or not enough of whatever and wallowing instead of taking a step. And later in the afternoon, someone called me on it when I prefaced a sentence with “I’m an idiot, I should have…” I don’t even remember what. And when she said it, I had no awareness that I’d said it.

    Timely post! Thank you! (Sorry for the long and possibly circuitous comment.

  • Sharleen

    Or you can say, “I’m learning to commit. So, today is another day. And with eyes wide open, I begin imperfectly.”
    Thank you for this today!

  • Fiona Kiriakidis

    Absolutely love this Christine. Thanks for making crystal clear what I have slowly come to learn. Shared to Facebook!

  • Yvette

    Learning to be kind to oneself when you are “off-track”, not yourself, feeling low, depressed, fearful, unmotivated, etc., etc., can be difficult. I am trying to afford myself the same grace I provide others…not so easy, especially when you you are used to being an “achiever”. Each day is its own and a new beginning. Thank you for your perspective.

  • Dr. Anna Garrett

    I love love love this post. Sharing with my FB group. And so good to see sweet Ima.

  • Peggy

    This is so wise and SO important. OF COURSE we hold our beloved pet and give them the support and reassurance they need. But to do it for ourselves? Lots of times there are deep issues getting in the way, but following your suggestions each time we have screwed up will go a long ways in healing the issues. Thank you for sharing. Your insights are always on right on.

  • Gigi

    Thank you so much for your intuitive words of wisdom. They were definitely the confirmation & encouragement I needed. As a self-professed commitment-phobe I never related that fear to the self-sabotage I engage in daily. I understand why nothing changed & I was stuck repeating the cycle. Now I know my life will be greater enhanced if I take every opportunity to break the “trance”. So the challenge, which I gladly accept, is continuing to push forward despite any setback. In other words, fall but don’t stall.

  • Sue Kindred

    Christine … I’ve been a lurker on your site and with your blogs/videos etc. for a while. I LOVE LOVE LOVE this post! It’s so spot on. I just put a sign above my desk that says, “And … with eyes wide open, I begin imperfectly.” Exactly what I needed to read today! Thank you thank you thank you.


  • Liz Wright

    I have been listening to “The Big Leap” for this very reason. And the “trance” that you were talking about, I always feel like complete shit afterward, (my guilty pleasure is a Netflix binge.) But at least I am starting to recognize the pattern and the cycle, as well as the importance of self-love and starting again.

  • Natalie

    Loved reading this. Thanks Christine. Really hit home for me 🙏🏻

  • Ellen

    Thank you for that! I tend to punish myself when I feel I have failed at a business concept or project. I am good for starting, sticking for a while but fizzle out. With my current endeavor, I am trying to be committed to the process, and become clear on who is my ideal audience. (and secretly not agree with my husband who says that it won’t work)!

  • Stephanie

    That was very powerful. Thank you for the truth message, I can feel it resonating in my heart.

  • Suzanne

    Thank you Christine.
    Unconscious is exactly what I was being, up until reading this (at 2:35am).
    Now I have started my vision board and refocusing on building my business (perhaps after a bit of sleep!)
    Thank you again.

  • Steph

    JUST what a I needed to hear today – thank you for your work and for your willingness to put it out there! <3

  • Tina

    Love love love this post. I promise I will never say that word again. Thanks so much for sending this today.

  • Maryse Cardin

    I love how you wrote to “gently walk yourself back home and start from there.” It really does make a difference when you are kind and compassionate to yourself. Again, and again, and again.

  • Trecia Davis

    Wow Christine, so many diamonds in this story. Your dog’s experience is one I’ve had. My tender parts are always there and sometimes they get poked and out of pain or fear of pain, I run for the hills. I am lucky, as is your dog, to have someone in my life who comes along side me with warm, loving arms and says, “It’s okay, this is not your past, we are right here, right now, in the present,” and I get the lovely gift of beginning again. Sometimes, in that beginning again, my saboteur shows up. Instead of falling prey to it, I’ve chosen to give it a persona. It is irreverent, witty, cautious, cunning, and strategic. I envision it as the swashbuckling Jack Sparrow from Pirates of the Caribbean, all cavalier, clanky, and sharp, I know it’s main purpose is to keep me ‘safe.’ Now, when I’m able to feel the resistance sabotage brings (mostly around my capabilities), this vision helps me engage in conversation with it, “Why are you here?” “What’s scary about this?” “How can I work through this?” “Who can I go to for help?” or the best “Go Away!! I don’t have time for you today!’) It sounds a bit crazy but it’s helping this creative push through some old, old blocks.

  • Barbara Reid

    What a great post! Very relatable and helps us all see that we are not alone. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

  • morton

    Love the reframing of the word. Great story. Very powerful message which resonated today. I like the advice to be kind to yourself. Loved this message, very timely.

  • Brenda

    Great post Christine, so nice to know I’m not the only one who does that:)
    You made my day!

  • Sarah

    Wise. It’s easier and kinder to acknowledge the pattern with love rather than hurt ourselves more telling ourselves off. Then the change can come in – like the dog popping its head round the door saying I like it here where you care about me.

  • jk

    Christine, your post comes on the day after I had a day like your precious dog – triggered, freaking out and shaking like a leaf – and navigating through the self-blame for being so emotional, and so alive 🙂 ….Thanks so much for the reminders of forgiveness, kindness and growing trust in this ever-adventure of being human. I so appreciate you, your work, your consistency with being there (for all of us) and your generosity.

  • Rachael Hamilton

    Thank You, I am still working on this also, great blog!

  • Sandy

    Excellent. Absolute best description of and answer to sabotage. Snapping out of it now.

  • Teri

    I SO needed to hear this today! Thank you.

  • Danielle

    Absolutely loved this and perfect timing!! Thank you for this… reminds us that we’re all okay ☺

  • Jenn Barr

    I cannot fully express how this affected me–I cried. I was up until 4am this morning…sabotaging myself. I recognized it, I knew it, and I was at war.

    I just copied your last paragraph and hung it on my monitor as a reminder. I have just walked myself back home.


  • Gerard

    Hey Christine thanks for the great article and the inspiration to keep going. Business can be a struggle at times and I agree you must push through the hard times to see the rainbow or good times. I enjoy reading your posts keep up the great work.

    Thanks again


  • Laura

    This came into my box at just the right time. I was beating myself up this morning. What I felt from this post is the love, the gentleness, the kindness and it made me tear up. Thank you. I will learn to break through the pattern and move forward and I will make progress. Thank you.

  • Tessa

    Very touched and inspired by this article, Christine. I am deeply connected with animals and the vision of being compassionate with myself as I would an abused dog is very powerful. “You are safe now, let’s go home and start again”… that truly speaks to my heart ❤️

  • Nancy

    The perfect thing the imperfect me needed to read this morning. Thank you!

  • Bonnie

    This is a great way to address the “all or nothing” feeling that so many people get when they mess up. It reminds me of what people would confess in Weight Watchers meetings (“I had a bite of cake so I figured I might as well have the whole piece… the whole cake… which led to falling off the program for the whole week.”)

    Self-sabotage is a way to give oneself permission to fall back into old (comfortable) negative patterns, rather than quickly returning to the more uncomfortable actions required when you strive for something better.

  • Kerry

    Perfect timing. I am in the process of finding a venue for my VB workshop. Feeling discouraged at the cost and battling the old ‘you can’t do this’, routine. Onward and upward!

    Thank you for the boost.

  • Jodi

    Right on time, as usual Christine. There’s this place where you can see the pattern, know the work is to move through it, but still not be able to. I noticed reading the article that it feels impossible to be as kind to myself as I am to my dog, like something too heavy to lift or a glass that’s just wide enough you can’t grip it. Love the photo of Zoey.

  • Jill

    Thank you, Christine. I am truly grateful for this post. More than I can say.

  • Geri

    Love this. I’m a lot like the dog…I go along well and then something happens that triggers me and pulls me back to a place (a mindset) of not running wildly but rather being frozen. I understand now where and why, and work through it each time: Begin Again! Words for today! xx

  • Heléna

    Thank you so much, Christine. Just what I needed today. :-)X

  • Christine

    Thank you. I needed to hear this today.

  • clara

    This is me all over! Except I’m actually trying to break the pattern. It’s a battle, but I’m trying to focus on, as you put it, ‘being kind to myself’.

    Continuing journey. Thanks for the wisdom.

    x C.